Weaning :(

KJohnson826

Hello Ladies, I feel like this is the only safe place I can talk with and discuss this, so here it goes. DD is almost 4 months old, and I have had troubles BF'ing since day one. I wasn't able to get skin-to-skin with her for awhile after giving birth due to blood loss, and how long it took for my doctor to "repair" me as she put it. It took 4 days for my milk to come in, and I have been dealing with low supply all along. I've tried pumping every hour, every 2 hours, fenugreek, lactation cookies, etc. and my supply never increased. I was doing pretty good (pumping 12oz per day) when I got mastitis about 6 weeks ago, I've tried doing all of the above again, which again didn't work. I never got my supply back, and it has been decreasing ever since.

I just recently had another clogged duct, which again caused my supply to take another hit. I make about 7oz per day now, and with DD now wanting more food each feeding, I can't keep up. Problem is, I can't stop beating myself up about not being able to BF, I am so heartbroken. It has essentially made me feel like a failure. I posted about this on my FB a long time ago, and got so many responses of people saying I should try this, that, or the other and not to give up. The only one that was even remotely supportive was my half-sister who couldn't BF either because of some issue with her milk ducts. I know some women here have struggled like I have, so I guess I am just looking for some reassurance, support, and tips on how to wean. Since I am not making very much per day I don't imagine it will take me long since my body has been doing it involuntarily for the past 6 weeks.

Thanks for listening ladies!

hopefulmom81

I EBFd for the first 4 months, and then moved to 2 bottles of formula a day, then added solids, and at around 7 months, completely weaned.

You know what?

I can't tell a lick of difference in how DD acts, there have been no short term impacts to her health, or her attitude towards me.  I actually feel like she is able to look me in the eyes better with a bottle and we connect more.  

 You have done a GREAT job making it as far as you have with the adversity you have faced. 

I am so sorry that you have to wean before you are ready, but it will be okay ((HUGS)) 

Allycat11

((Hugs)) I am sure this must be very difficult for you but you did everything you could despite some major set backs.  

martinimomma

I feel you.  I had supply issues after starting back to work and bent over backwards (while being on a dairy and soy-free diet) to keep it going.  Looking back, I made a stressful situation even more stressful for myself by beating myself up and labeling myself as a failure.  Plenty of ladies on TB tried to identify this for me, but I think it is a view that can only come with hindsight.

I started by cutting pumping sessions (I was at work) slowly form 3 per day to 1, then to none, and then just nursing when together.  When it was clear that he was still hungry after nursing in the morning, I started giving a bottle "chaser" and we stuck to bedtime nursing for as long as he seemed satisfied.  This was a helpful weaning for me mentally as well as physically.  After a while, I just offered the bottle at night too...and that was it.  Kind of anticlimactic.  

I have promised myself and DH that if I encounter supply issues when this LO is born (fingers crossed) that I will be quicker to supplement and not to beat myself up as I did with DS.

Sending ((big hugs)) and hoping for a smooth transition for you and your LO.

Scooby2358

Oh, sweetie, you're not a failure. Breastfeeding can be f'n hard, mastitis is a biitch, and there is only so much that you can focus on breastmilk before other aspects of your life and relationship with your LO start to suffer. Look at everything you have done to get your LO as much of your milk as possible. Breastmilk is terrific, yes, but you can only spend so much of your time attached to a pump.

Just a thought - if it really grieves you to wean completely, would your DD nurse once or twice a day for comfort? I don't say that from a "don't give up no matter what!" perspective, but rather as a possible way to help you emotionally with giving something up that obviously is very important to you. Maybe think of it as special snuggle time with a little BM perk, rather than a feeding. It might help you taper off without getting engorged, and you might not have to pump as much during the transition.

In any case, you need to do what's best for you and your LO and your collective health, and if that means weaning, then that's the best decision you can make. Big ((hugs)) to you.

Karen1998

You have done an amazing job and should be proud of yourself.  You've worked your tail off exhausting all possibilities and things beyond your control are keeping this from working.  It's a sign that it's time to fully FF.  

You know what?  Your daughter's going to be just fine, too.  She has a mom who loves her and feeds her well, which is all a baby can ask for, really.  You're doing great!  Happy days are ahead.  They really are.  Soon you'll be able to fully focus on her and not have to deal with that darn mechanical slave (the pump) or issue after issue with your boobs.  So, pretend you're Braveheart and yell, "FREEEEEEEEDOM!" to symbolize your freedom from the mechanical slave, infections and clogs.  Your bonds are broken!  Run with it!

Also, (((((hugs))))) because I know there are so many emotions tied to this.  It really will be okay.   

Karen1998

sandyd:

I feel you.  I had supply issues after starting back to work and bent over backwards (while being on a dairy and soy-free diet) to keep it going.  Looking back, I made a stressful situation even more stressful for myself by beating myself up and labeling myself as a failure.  Plenty of ladies on TB tried to identify this for me, but I think it is a view that can only come with hindsight. 

This was completely me, too, though at home with supply issues.  It's amazing how much better hindsight is.  Formula =/= the devil.   

jertie

I know that telling you not to beat yourself up does very little good - but I'm going to say it anyway - don't beat yourself up.  You've tried everything that you can - but you're being a great mom by realizing that your LO isn't getting everything that she needs and making the tough call so that she can be healthy and thrive.  This is not a sign of failure - this is a sign of strength. 

I am so sorry this is making you sad - but I hope that things get better soon!  ((HUGS))

 

Oatoa

When I had issues BFing, my mom told me to remember one thing:

"Happy moms make happy babies."

I ended up EPing because we never could figure out how to BF.  Four months of BFing is a great accomplishment and certainly keeps you far away from the failure category.  You have done a wonderful job!  I promise, no matter what road you choose, she will be fine and healthy and happy. 

cmumama

((hugs!!))

You are not a failure.  I've recently had to start supplementing with some formula b/c I'm not pumping enough.  I was really upset when I gave him that first bottle containing formula, but ultimately, it really removed the pressure I was putting on myself to pump.  I'm still pumping, but I'm not freaking out about how much I'm getting (there were times I was in tears over how little I pumped).  

With DS1, I quit cold turkey after pumping for only 3 weeks (he never latched).  I wore a tight sports bra and would sometimes put frozen veggies on my boobs when they were feeling really sore.

((hugs)) again.  You are a great mom!

Petunia844

I can't get into the whole story, but I think you know it anyways... but long story way shorter I had to stop BFing and EPing and went through a MAJOR meltdown.  I think it's a lot harder because your hormones go bananas as your milk dries up.  Now that I'm on the other side of it I still would BF if I could, but that being said I'm totally fine and Raylan is doing awesome.  It took a little bit of time to find the best formula for him, but we're both thriving.  I hate to admit it but I'm a way better mom without the stress of it all.  I will still try again with the next babe because hopefully if it works it won't be as stressful...but for me and Raylan, this is what works and we're both so super happy now!  I know it's hard, but once you've moved passed it I promise it will be so much easier.

crystalknpp

O hun I definitely understand where you are coming from and how emotional the decision to FF can be.  We struggled with latch issues, engorgement, clogged ducts and 2 rounds of Mastitis.  I was miserable, exhausted, and wasn't able to really enjoy my time with B.  He was a very aggressive latcher and did a lot of damage early on so I made the decision to pump what I could and then supplement some feedings with Formula.  Eventually I just pumped less and less and transitioned to FF.  The second bought of Mastitis really tanked my supply and I cried so many times after pumping for 30 mins and only getting an ounce of breast milk.  It was a tough decision to make but all that matters is that your LO is happy and healthy. DS is thriving, growing and developing like crazy and I'm so much happier, relaxed, and able to just enjoy my time with him now.  The fact that you made it 4 months with all of your hurtles is amazing.  You're doing a great job mama!

MrsRiceARoni

I'm not  sure if you were wanting to slowly work your way towards less BFing/EPing etc or if you wanted to stop at this point but if you wanted to stop at this point I thought I'd let you know that I'd highly recommend getting some capsules of sage, when my milk came in after I had Noah I was in a lot of pain even with binding my chest as tight as I could but I found that once I took the sage capsules my milk dried up quickly and I was much more comfortable.

ellebelle2384

Big hugs.  Please don't beat yourself up.  You've done so much and tried so hard, I don't think anyone can call you a failure.  You've done a great job getting to 4 months.  I know that sage tea is supposed to help reduce supply if you need it to help with weaning.  I think if you just slowly drop nursing/pumping sessions it should be easy on your body. (hugs)

TnG05

I've been struggling with supply issues from the start too and I'm not currently weaning so I can't give advice on that.  I'm posting to tell you not to beat yourself up.  You ARE NOT a failure (and neither is your body for that matter).  Don't think of what you won't be giving her from now instead think of what you DID and the bond you have because of that.  

((HUGS)) 

orangegoggles

BandEddie:

:::Big hugs:::

I feel for you honey - you've done an incredible job and given your LO a very special gift. But you know what the best gift you can give them? A healthy, whole mama who can take care of them AND her.

I had a really hard time accepting drying up even though I knew (obviously) it was coming. I tried to do things to make me feel good about it. I kept that little colostrum bottle they give you in the hospital and I put it in the memory box, so I'll always remember that I did something good, and it started small. I found a home for the pumping supplies I bought but never used, and I let myself cry about it when I wanted to.

I also found comfort in the numbers - I would be pumping/breaking down/setting up/mixing/washing 5 hours a day to not even CLOSE to keep up. Did I want to spend it stressed out on the mechanical milk vampire? Or snuggling, loving, changing, feeding, and teaching my loves? Whenever it bothered me, I picked one of them up and loved on them.

I won't lie, I cried a lot, and you know what, it's okay to mourn that change! I still get sad about it here and there, but it gets better. Plus, I have three chubby, happy babies that remind me I made the right decision. You're an amazing mama for giving your LO that time on the breast, but they're going to be JUST fine, and you're going to be the better for it, I promise! 

This is really sweet advice.

You both did great, ((hugs))  

mork

::HUGE HUGS::

I've also had a hard time BF. DD is able to latch, but gets little to nothing, which we didn't figure out for 8 weeks. Luckily, I had already been pumping so DH could do some feedings, so she wasn't completely starved, but she did have weight issues. Anyway, we started giving pumped BM and some F to get het her weight up, and tried to fix her sucking issues to no avail.

After a lot of stress and heartache on the whole family, I gave up BF and switched to EP. But then the stress of being a slave to the pump and my slowly dropping supply, due to illnesses and periods, got the best of me. I stopped living my life around the pump. I still pump now, but only when I can, which somehow still turns out to be about 6 times a day. My supply drops slowly every day, and it still sucks to watch. But, I give her what BM I can and then F for the rest of her feedings.

My plan is to just keep doing what I am: pump when I can, try not to stress over it, and let my body wean itself.

GL and HUGE HUGS. Remember that you're not alone. There are many of us that have had to face BF issues and the tough decisions that come with them. And I subscribe to the "happy mama, happy baby" idea, our happiness and relationship has greatly improved as the stress levels have decreased.

MickeyM04

KJ, I'm so sorry you are having a rough time   Weaning sucks the big one.  I had to wean due to the need to get back on my anti-anxiety meds (I was having panic attacks 5-6 times a day, my hands were shaking constantly out of panic, etc.) and I felt like such a failure.  I thought I would never get over it, but you know what, I did.  And surprisingly, I did, and pretty quickly too.  It was kind of freeing in a way.  I was never comfortable nursing in public so it was nice to be able to go out whenever we wanted with just a bottle and some formula.  And it was nice not having to pump.  And it was nice that DS didn't get gas and upset tummy anymore (formula always sat better in his tummy than my BM I guess).  And it was just nice!  And I can actualyl say I don't regret stopping when I did.  We had a good run and DS is the happiest child I have ever seen and we get compliments all the time about how happy and easygoing he is...and switching from BM to formula didn't change that.

I can promise you it will get better, and you are a good mom for hanging in as long as you have.  DD loves you no matter what, and I can promise your bond won't change at all just because you're not giving her some boob every day.  Hang in there!!

KJohnson826

Thank you all for the support, you ladies are amazing. It has been a rough few days, but my supply is drying up quickly. I guess it helps when my body was basically trying to do it anyways.