(sorry this is so long)
I'm feeling very overwhelmed right now and am hoping for a little advice.
DH & I have an almost 3yo DS and a 3 mo DS. DH was recently promoted at work which means we are moving from NY to Orlando at the end of this month. Due to this, DH has been traveling to FL M-F since the first of the year so he's only home on the weekends. I'm beyond exhausted from having to work full time, take care of the kids and try to pack up the house. Our weekends are full with fitting in things like the babies baptism, visiting with family/friends, packing etc.. so we really have no time to spend relaxing and when we do have downtime, all I want to do is sleep which I still can't do b/c the kids need me.
My issue is that with DH being away so much, he's not around for the day to day stuff with either kid and he's not understanding how to handle DS1 and his typical 3yo behavior. The 2 of them end up in a yelling match and I just can't take it. DH just doesn't seem to get that he's 3, not 13 and that he isn't going to 'get it' all the time. I find myself not wanting to leave them alone together for fear that DH will get frustrated and start yelling at him which I feel is counter productive. I don't think that DH would ever hit DS but I don't like how he yells at him, he has a short temper and has a very hard time controlling it when frustrated. For example, DH was able to fly home last night so he took the kids to daycare this morning. We have a routine where DS1 likes to help me open the van doors and if you do it w/o him he gets upset. DH didn't get this and got frustrated when DS started crying when the door was opened w/o him. DH then had a fit and was yelling/slamming doors b/c he thinks I'm letting the 3yo run our household.
Maybe I am letting him run it, I don't know, this is all new to me. What I do know is that for me, every day I'm in survival mode. I'm on my own during the week and I just want each day to go smoothly. While I don't give in to every request from DS I also don't like to rock the boat either. If it's reasonable (opening the car door) I'm going to find the patience and let him do it, the alternative temper tantrum just isn't worth it. I also don't see the harm in this or in letting DS sleep with me when he is scared at night (the past 2 nights have been very windy so he's come into my bed which DH is very against)
How do I get DH to understand that DS is a toddler and that this is normal behavior (assuming it is!)? Is there a book you can recommend he read? I'm thinking I get him something to take back to FL this week to read on the plane so that maybe he'll understand a little more what we are dealing with. I'm the one that has always searched online, come to the bump, read the parenting magazines etc... he just goes with the flow and then wonders why our kids respond so much better to me than him. As it is he's barely spending time with the baby b/c as he puts it, the baby only cries for him but as soon as I pick him up he stops. I'm at the end of my rope and feel like I'm going to lose it due to the stress of our move, my lack of sleep and my DH's attitude, it's horrible but I'd rather he be in FL right now, it's easier with him gone! I'm so scared that this is going to lead to problems in our marriage down the road.
Thanks so much for any advice or even just any sympathy you can give me.. I'm really not sure what I'm looking for...