Advice

Knipey

So I'm 34 weeks now and have been thinking a lot about how to deal with the father of my child. Long story short, we only dated 3 months then I found out he had a fianc and I contacted her and to her everything. He got super mad about me letting her know what I found out. 2 weeks later I found out I was pregnant and told him. His Responce was just "no", nothing else said. Then he sent the mother of one of his other children my phone number to have her verbally attack me, evidently she was still seeing him too. Anyway he says my baby is not his, there is no way it isn't he is the only man I've been with in the last year. My problem is in deciding what to do legally, I don't particularly want him around my son so I thought about just leaving him off the birth certificate seeing as I havnt spoken to him from 12 weeks on anyway. On the other hand I know someday my son will have questions about his father and I would hate to have to send him to a man who swares he's not his father. Would it be better to go to court and just get the paternity test or just leave it alone and move along with life and let my son make his own mind up about it when he's older.

20thirteen

I guess it kind of depends on what state you live in.  I have an attorney in case the father of my child tries to petition for paternity and get visitation.  But in IL, the most I can do (aside from leaving him off the birth certificate) is bar him from the hospital when I deliver.  If he petitions for paternity, I can't legally ban him from seeing the baby, I can only make it sort of difficult.  My friend's dad has never ever been in her life and she was informed (when she was old enough) why he was not there and from that information she chose to never seek him out.  Real tool-bag.

This guy sounds like a jack-ass, and it sucks that you are in this position.  However, if you do get the paternity test you can sue him for child support.  Then all the women in his life will know he's a complete ***.  Because either he'd be served with a subpoena by a sheriff (first attempt) or some kid who gets to follow him around (which is suspicious when you're out and about). In IL, if he were to fall behind and owe (I think) $5,000, he could go to jail.  So I would look into that too.  I mean, if you were really vindictive.  Also, there are lawyers out there that will do this pro bono, so you have people on your side wherever you are, not just on this board. *hug*

septmom11

you can leave him off the initial BC if you want.  From the sound of your story he isnt going to willingly sign it anyways.  You can later get a paternity test through the court and the BC will be modified to list the father.  If you want child support this is the way to go

mandi195

In short, I agree with septmom11.

However, depending on your state and situation there may be other factors to consider. You can leave him off the BC. However, if you are now, or ever get on, any form of government assistance, they require that you are receiving child support for the child if you are a single parent. The state can force a paternity hearing, where he would either have to agree he's the father or consent to a paternity test. He would also then be ordered to pay support. If you don't comply with these things, you are not eligible for assistance. (I'm not assuming you are on, or will need, assistance, just know that in WI this is the case; I don't know about other areas)

Monkeybird84

In FL, the father's name isn't listed unless he's there to sign the birth certificate. Also, if the mother is receiving medicaid or other public assistance she is required to file for child support when the child is born. That said, child support does not necessarily mean visitation.

My BD will have to take me to court for visitation and the state is going to force him to take a paternity test and pay child support. If he tries to dodge any action from the state of FL regarding support for my son, they will suspend his driver's license and issue a warrant for his arrest.

3sthecharm

Have him relinquish parental rights and move on with your life. He doesnt sound like the type of man youd want in your childs life. And I am guessing if he has multiple girlfriends he might already have children hes paying support for and their wont beanything worthwhile to go after financially. Good luck to you

Anne1989

I would call the police to report the harassment moments after anyone calls your phone attempting to harass you. It'll establish a history in case you need a restraining order down the line. Also, you may want to consider telling the hospital you want to screen who comes to your hospital room. They are really tight about who comes into the hospital it now a days but smaller hospitals tend to be looser on all of their restrictions.

This will come off as selfish, but I also think it is most practical. I would leave it alone and be glad that he does not want to admit the child is his. What if down the line you receive an awesome job offer that is in a different state? You would have to petition the court to try to get the right to move and he could try to get the court to grant him full physical custody in that case and make you financially responsible to see your child in his state. My friend is stuck living within 30 miles of her current city or give up her right to have the child most of the time. 

 While child support is useful, there may be a chance he wouldn't fully pay it or pay it late. Another friend gets a payment every six months so the dad can keep his license, car registration up to date, and prevent them from garnishing is wages. In his state, they don't do anything until the child support account is over six months old. 

 However, will you need the financial support? If you do, then you need to find out the proper steps to take. 

pregokat

I say find the 'free legal aid' for city/county/state tht you live in & ask them all of your 'what if' situations

I found out that filing for paternity test is separate from filing for child support as well as separate from custody and separate from visitation. They all require different filing in courts.

So I ended up filing for paternity to prove its his (he's doing the 'its not mine' bit too) and filing for child support. 

I know that he is an avoider & trust that he will avoid going through this process, as well as never get his life together enough to file for custody or visitation, or follow through with any of it...

I don't agree with the others' advice of 'dont file for child support' Forget that! Even if he has other kids, or even if he's a dead beat.. some day you MIGHT get SOMETHING even if it's a little bit... It will help your child! even if you dont NEED it, it might help some day

Good luck!