Late Term and Child Loss

16 Months later

**Ticker warning**

Well it was 16 months yesterday that I delivered my beautiful baby Sydney Adriana. Where does the time go and how have I made it this far along without her beautiful face. I miss her so much and wish she was here to join in on our loving family. But god had other plans I still don't understand.

I did have my rainbow and she is wonderful and I cherish her so much but I still miss my sweet Sydney. She didn't replace her as others think I should be over the loss after this long.  I wonder every day what she would be doing how she would look. It isn't fair babies have to die. No one but my loss mommies and dads get it. For that I am happy I would never wish the pain and sorrow that we feel on anyone ever.

I guess the reason for this post is to let the newer loss moms and dads know that after 16 months you can still survive. Now  it is tough and some days are much easier than others but you will breathe again and you will look forward but in your own time. There is no time table for grief.

Thinking of my sweet Sydney today and every day!!!!

Heather  

DS- Brenden born 11/13/93 Missed miscarriage on March 6, 2007 @ 9 weeks D&C on March 8th 2007. Riley Annalise born 2/25/08 ( 3 weeks early weighing 8 lbs 12.8 oz.) Chemical pregnancy 3/2010. Sydney Adriana born sleeping on 9/30/11 weighing 10lbs 3 oz at 38wks 4 days. Trinity Alivia born via c section at 36 wks 4 days weighing 9 lbs. 5.7 oz. She is our amazing rainbow baby!!! Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers PGAL buddy drvst8

Re: 16 Months later

  • Thank you rsigler. In time the pain is really much easier to deal with I know the first 3 months were the most horrible months of my life. Around 6 months it became easier and by 9 months it was much easier. I was also pregnant with my rainbow but you would think that helped but it didn't. It sort of messed with my head more and I was sad a lot more than a pregnant woman should be. But just know that you will get through it aand you will be able to not always cry. Hugs!!!
    DS- Brenden born 11/13/93 Missed miscarriage on March 6, 2007 @ 9 weeks D&C on March 8th 2007. Riley Annalise born 2/25/08 ( 3 weeks early weighing 8 lbs 12.8 oz.) Chemical pregnancy 3/2010. Sydney Adriana born sleeping on 9/30/11 weighing 10lbs 3 oz at 38wks 4 days. Trinity Alivia born via c section at 36 wks 4 days weighing 9 lbs. 5.7 oz. She is our amazing rainbow baby!!! Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers PGAL buddy drvst8
  • Hugs to you Heather.
    I often ask myself where did the time go? Last year was like a lifetime ago.
    It's great to hear how well you are doing. Grief really is a journey and it does change over time. Thank you for sharing so much with us.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

    BFP #1 Jan. 2011 - mmc Mar. 2011 
    BFP #2 Aug. 2011 - My sleeping angel Stella, born April 21, 2012 
    BFP #3 Nov. 2012 - mmc Dec. 2012
    BFP #4 April 2013 - mc May 2013
    BFP #5 Sept. 2013 - EDD 5.24.14
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  • I can't believe it's been this long either. I still have my days of sitting in my room crying, though not nearly as frequent as at the beginning. We will never forget our babies and we shouldn't have to. It has gotten easier to breath, to smile, to keep living. Though it is an ongoing work in progress. We are all here for each other and it's nice to know you're not alone.
    Tim 12/30/00 Brad 4/30/02 Alex 9/29/03 Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • Thank you for sharing, congrats on your rainbow baby. I am sorry for your baby that is not here. Your story gives me hope, we are just starting to try for a rainbow baby this month. 
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial ticker
    Due with baby boy # 2 in May 2016
    DD #1 born January 2014

  • Heather,

    Thank you so much for sharing this. It has been 7 months since our losses and you are right today is easier than a few months ago. And with the support of loss moms like you I know there are brighter days to come on this new journey.

    HUGS

    -Shawnna

    TTC #1 since 10/2010 RE consult 6/2011 PCOS (known) MFI IVF #1 w/ICSI 2/2012 BFP TRIPLETS our angels grew wings at 19.5 weeks 6.25.12 IVF #2 2/2013 Sono shows tissue Hysteroscopy needed Changing RE www.chasingstarsisbettertogether.com Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers ~~~all welcome~~~
  • imagekarebear57:
    I can't believe it's been this long either. I still have my days of sitting in my room crying, though not nearly as frequent as at the beginning. We will never forget our babies and we shouldn't have to. It has gotten easier to breath, to smile, to keep living. Though it is an ongoing work in progress. We are all here for each other and it's nice to know you're not alone.

    All of this.  Thank you for sharing Heather.  Wishing you peace and love

     

    In memory of Corbin Scott 10/28/11-12/3/11. Heaven got another angel the night you left this world behind Heaven got a little better the day it took you away from me Missing you tonight, see you again sometime For now I'll close my eyes and dream of heaven tonight I'll love you forever I'll like you for always Now and Forever My baby you'll be

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

     

     

    corbinsmommy.blogspot.com


     

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  • Thank you for sharing, Heather. Right now I can't even imagine being 16 months out.. It's been a little over 5 months for me (I can't believe it's been 5 months), and I'm still really struggling but some days I feel like I can breath again. It seems like everyone around us just wants us to hurry and have another baby (and we're trying) but they don't understand that nobody can replace our sweet Jillian. We'll always love and miss her so so much. It's just so unfair that we all have to go through this.

    Jillian Rose- born 8/26/12 at 24 weeks. "It broke my heart to lose you but you didn't go alone, for a part of me went with you, the day God took you home"
    I love you always, my beautiful girl.

    Hysteroscopy 3/1/13 Dx: Unicornuate uterus

    || <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com" style="font-size:smaller;" >Ovulation TrackeMy Ovulation Chart

    BFP 3/18/13- Please be our Rainbow, we love you so much already.

    6/4/13-Found out we're having a BOY!!

    10/30/13-He's here!! Happy Birthday, Ryan! We love you so much! xo

    Lilypie - (Bfmg)

     

  • (((HUGS))) to you.  I understand what you mean about your rainbow.  I think a lot of people assume that since I have another baby, that I'm over losing Eliott.  I'll never be over that - I should have him here with me also.  I think about him all of the time still.  For me, the difference is that I can think about him now and smile sometimes instead of cry.  I agree - you can survive.  There were many days in the beginning where I questioned if I would, and somehow I did. 
    Mom to Eliott Alexander, born sleeping at 37 weeks on 8/13/10. Most of us only dream of angels - I held one in my arms.
    BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d
    BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d
    Too beautiful for this earth
    BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
  • Yes, somehow we do survive. It's been 15 months since my son died and it feels like a lifetime ago. Yet sometimes it feels like yesterday and other times I wonder if it ever even happened at all.

    I love my rainbow baby; she is precious and amazing. But I love my son too; they are separate and unique. I will never get to know him the way I am getting to know my daughter and it kills me.

    Grief is such a strange process, and I agree that having a rainbow baby does not replace the child you lost, nor does it make it all better. It complicates things. So many mixed emotions.

    Hugs to you all ladies, I have been MIA.
    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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