Toughing it out - Part 1
CaptainSerious
member
Last night and this morning were awful. Typically on Wednesdays, M has to sit through J's afternoon karate class. It's just what has to happen, because my husband and I both work, and the nanny needs to stay there with J. We tell him that if he does his homework while he's there, he'll have nothing but free time at home. But he's too distracted, and I get that, too.
Yesterday, he started freaking out about the noise there. I know he doesn't like loud noises and has mentioned that karate is too loud, but he was screaming in response to the tutor's questions, covered his ears, and rocked himself until they left. When he got home, he refused to do any homework or studying, despite consequences, and just holed himself up in his room. He told the nanny he couldn't talk to her, he needed to tell me what was bothering him.
So when I ask him what the problem with karate is, and asked if it reminded him about something that happened in Peru (because he used to do it there, and when we suggested signing him up, too, he completely blanched and freaked out), he said it did. He then told me about how he was once told he'd have a birthday party at the orphanage, but then he misbehaved and they didn't throw him one. Did I mention that M's birthday is this Saturday?
After reassuring him that we would never do that to him and that he is too important to us and we want to celebrate that on his birthday, I asked him what started the issue at karate. And he swears it's just the noise. Apparently, he got all worked up, was sure he was already in trouble and was so concerned about missing his birthday party, that he just gave up entirely and didn't do a lick of work once they got home. We talked about how he still needs to do his work even when he's upset or mad, and that it's okay to say he wants to wait to talk to me, but that doesn't absolve him of meeting his responsibilities.
But here is the amazing part: he told me that he was trying really, really hard not to say anything mean to the nanny, and that's why he refused to talk to her. He figured it was just safer to wait for me! Believe it or not, this is a huge break-through, because he always lashes out (especially at her, bless her) when he's upset. I was so proud of him!
Re: Toughing it out - Part 1
Awesome! Well, that last part I mean. And I'm the same way. My old boss thought I was being 'too laid back" when we had an argument one time, because I didn't say anything after a certain point. Um, no dude, I wanted to say something that would have gotten me fired!
And it just breaks my heart that denying a birthday party was considered a feasible consequence. By anyone. I'm so glad you can give him some great birthdays (and reasonable consequences) from now on.
I love that! I was impressed that he was willing to tell you what was bothering him. You all are developing such a great relationship.
Mother of two wonderful boys! Blessed through adoption.
We talked about him taking his headphones (which he says have blocked most the noise in the past) or just going outside/to the car/to one of the other shops during the class. I think it would be fine if the nanny went with him while J's in the class, since she'd be so close, just not near the noise.