SIL has gone to far- I am done with her

MariJ1008

I feel so bad for DH, his twin sister has not been around since June, no calls, no e-mails nothing from her at all.Finally i reached out to her asking her what was the matter and if we can fix this. I would really like for her and her DH to be a part of our lives, DS's life, his birthday is coming up, we are finally having our wedding next year and we miss her.

she basically said she did not want anything to do with us..Never telling us why she is so mad. we have no idea why she hates us. She accused me of using my son to play emotional games with her...I am so disgusted with her. I am not using my son for anything, I simply said I would like for her to be a part of his life. I thought she would want that as well.

It is sad and I am sad for DH,this is his only sister, his twin sister. She is so selfish, I can't even understand why she is acting this way. She told me to not send her photos, cards, or invitations anymore -(even though we haven't seen her I still invited her for holidays, sent holidays cards, invited her to 1st birthday party) She has to be the worst person I ever met.....but I am glad she has shown her true colors because now I don't even want my family to be around her. I am done with her and I am done stressing over her. My DS does not need her as an aunt.

 I just need to vent a little..I could not sleep because of this. So disturbed by her behavior.

Vans18

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I feel your pain, I also have aunts and cousins who have distanced from us and it hurts. But what can we do? If we've done our best to share special moments with them and they dont do their part, then theres nothing we can do. It's sad that a family member that close doesn't want to be part of ones life. I'm not sure what advice to give because I'm dealing with the same crap...its not fair.

Mrs MoJoRisin

That is crazy. At least you know you reached out to her and won't have any guilt down the road.

MariJ1008

Vans18:

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I feel your pain, I also have aunts and cousins who have distanced from us and it hurts. But what can we do? If we've done our best to share special moments with them and they dont do their part, then theres nothing we can do. It's sad that a family member that close doesn't want to be part of ones life. I'm not sure what advice to give because I'm dealing with the same crap...its not fair.

After she made it perfectly clear she wants nothing to do with my family, I have decided to no longer stress over her, or worry about her.  DH agrees with me..even though it is sad and she is being hurtful....she is not worth our time anymore. We have tried many times to make things right with her, try to understand what happened, and she doesn't care. The best thing to do is to not care about her back.  I said I hope she has a great life, but to not reach out to me later..I gave her many chances to make things right...she was a complete B**** to me, so no more chances.

I have never disowned anyone in my life before, so this is a bit difficult because I want everyone to be together, but I can't force anyone to love me, my DH or my DS. I can't waste my time trying to make her want us either. so I just need to walk away.

eyenigh

I sympathize because this also describes MY only sister to a tee. I'm very sorry that you and your husband are going through this.I don't mean to highjack your thread but I just wanted to share my similar experience-- you're definitely not alone.

When I lost my first baby last year, my sister never even bothered to call me and later told my mother that "It doesn't even matter because it wasn't like she was very far along" so I "needed to stop acting like it's a big deal and wanting attention about it." (I was almost 3 months along and I never once wanted any attention about it. I didn't even want anyone to know at all.) We had had a silly argument the week before (the kind that is normally forgotten about by the next day) and she said that was why she had no desire to call me when I miscarried since I didn't care about her feelings. She was upset because I was sick and couldn't go with her to a hair appointment. I lost a baby. Yeah, that seems pretty equal, huh?

I got pregnant again in my next cycle but my feelings were so hurt that I didn't even want to speak with her about it. My pregnancy with my son was so sick and miserable that I had no energy (or breaks from constant vomiting) to confront the issue with her and she made no effort to talk to me. At a time when I could've used my sister's help the most, she ignored me. At the end of my pregnancy, thinking that she would want to be a part of my son's life, I sent her a 5 page letter, trying to take the high road, telling her all of my feelings and apologized for anything in the past that I did to upset her. I just wanted to put everything aside. She sent me back a 3 sentence email that said "I'm mad at you because you treat me so poorly. You have no reason to even be upset. All you care about is yourself."

At that point I realized that I didn't even want her in my son's life and as much as it hurt me to do so, I've just cut her out of my life. She has seen my son two times only because she happened to stop by mom's when I was there. She never came to the hospital when he was born or even sent a card. When she did see him, she didn't even acknowledge him. There's something much bigger going on with her that I can't even begin to understand and I give up. It kills my mom but even she understands.

I have no advice other than sometimes, there's just no fixing people. As much as it hurts, you just have to let them go otherwise you'll just continue to be hurt over and over by their bad behavior. Even if we were able to straighten somethings out, I'll never trust her again and I don't think I can ever forgive her for some of the things that she said and did. My son's life will be better without her in it-- and I'll bet your son's will be the same way.

MariJ1008

eyenigh:

I sympathize because this also describes MY only sister to a tee. I'm very sorry that you and your husband are going through this.I don't mean to highjack your thread but I just wanted to share my similar experience-- you're definitely not alone.

When I lost my first baby last year, my sister never even bothered to call me and later told my mother that "It doesn't even matter because it wasn't like she was very far along" so I "needed to stop acting like it's a big deal and wanting attention about it." (I was almost 3 months along and I never once wanted any attention about it. I didn't even want anyone to know at all.) We had had a silly argument the week before (the kind that is normally forgotten about by the next day) and she said that was why she had no desire to call me when I miscarried since I didn't care about her feelings. She was upset because I was sick and couldn't go with her to a hair appointment. I lost a baby. Yeah, that seems pretty equal, huh?

I got pregnant again in my next cycle but my feelings were so hurt that I didn't even want to speak with her about it. My pregnancy with my son was so sick and miserable that I had no energy (or breaks from constant vomiting) to confront the issue with her and she made no effort to talk to me. At a time when I could've used my sister's help the most, she ignored me. At the end of my pregnancy, thinking that she would want to be a part of my son's life, I sent her a 5 page letter, trying to take the high road, telling her all of my feelings and apologized for anything in the past that I did to upset her. I just wanted to put everything aside. She sent me back a 3 sentence email that said "I'm mad at you because you treat me so poorly. You have no reason to even be upset. All you care about is yourself."

At that point I realized that I didn't even want her in my son's life and as much as it hurt me to do so, I've just cut her out of my life. She has seen my son two times only because she happened to stop by mom's when I was there. She never came to the hospital when he was born or even sent a card. When she did see him, she didn't even acknowledge him. There's something much bigger going on with her that I can't even begin to understand and I give up. It kills my mom but even she understands.

I have no advice other than sometimes, there's just no fixing people. As much as it hurts, you just have to let them go otherwise you'll just continue to be hurt over and over by their bad behavior. Even if we were able to straighten somethings out, I'll never trust her again and I don't think I can ever forgive her for some of the things that she said and did. My son's life will be better without her in it-- and I'll bet your son's will be the same way.

I am sorry you went through that with your sister. SIL has said the same things to us, that we treat her badly and only care about ourselves, when in fact she has been so rude to us ever since we announced our pregnancy.  She acted very excited for a little while and then stopped caring. She actually told the family at our baby shower that her parents favor me and do everything for me, and a cousin told her they were doing the shower for the baby and they would do the same for you when the time comes. She has expressed her jealousy with so many other people and I just found this out recently. I don't understand people, but like you said, she is not even worth trying to figure out and she is not the type of person I want around my children. Now that her and I are perfectly clear with each other, I don't have to wonder about her, worry about her, or see her. And although I think it is a very sad situation, I am perfectly fine with her not being around. we have been happy without her for the past 8 months. 

I guess we just have to think about all the other people that love our children and want to be a part of their lives.  and forget the ones who have no interest.