Trying to prepare update....

Tbecker18101

We went to maternal fetal care yesterday morning and my water was already coming down past the cervix and there was not much cervix left at all. After a lot of discussion between our doctors and my husband and I it was decided that there was really nothing that could be done at this point. The stitch would have been a heroic act in which if there was infection in my placenta could have caused a lot of trouble for me. I also have a brain aneurysm so that was something we has to consider as well.
It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life and sometimes not even sure I made the right one. Labor was induced yesterday afternoon and it went fairly quick. Very happy I opted for the hospital because there was a lot of issues for me on e my little boy was born. The placenta wouldn't deliver and I was bleeding really bad. Then in the process of forcing it to come out I lost a lot more blood which at one point caused me to become very disoriented and kinda start fading out. It took about 45/60 mins to get it all under control.
Thank you ladies for all your advice it really helped me a lot.
I was so mixed about seeing and holding my baby but I did and I am so thankful. Holding him brought me peace a peace I cannot even explain.
I feel for my DH because after worrying about me so much he is the one who had a really hard time. I am so not accepting of the whole situation but just at peace with my little boy.
The hospital done some wonderful things for us. They did a whole box.
Foot prints, hand prints a plaster mold, pictures an outfit and crochet blanket and teddy bear. It was very heart warming. The Chaplin came in and done a blessing for him and we got a certificate for all that.
I am having him cremated because I want him at home with the rest of his brothers and sisters and mommy and daddy where he belongs. This was something else the hospital takes care of for us to free of charge.
My dad is a retired funeral director so he made sure Declan would be cremated alone and not with others.
Now comes the moving forward part and sometimes it feels like its going to be impossible. I am happy I have my babies at home to help me. And my friends and family.
Again thank you so much ladies' I so sorry that we all have to meet like this.

fluttergirlmoonchild79

I am so sorry for all you've had to endure but so thankful that you've found some peace.  It sounds like the whole process, as terrible as it was, couldn't have gone any better.  Sounds like the hospital did a wonderful job and I think it's truly wonderful that they're doing all of it free of charge.  As for you and DH, be gentle with yourselves.  The next few weeks will be extremely difficult and men and women do grieve differently.  A fellow loss father came to visit us the day everything happened with us and told us to be patient with each other.  It was the best advice we've received.  Sometimes it's difficult to remember but always remember that.

 

Wishing you peace and love today and always

Noethola

Your hospital sounds great. I am so glad that they were able to do all those things for you. I am so very sorry for your loss of Declan and glad in the moment you found peace. In the coming months and years, you may have moments of doubt, but hold onto that peace. When I get overwhelmed, I focus on the peace in that moment of holding my own little one. Praying for you through the coming weeks. I agree with fluttergirl, be patient with one another. You will both be grieving this the rest of your lives, even though the actual pain may ease a bit.

OSUWifey09

Like pp said, as terrible as the situation is, it sounds like things are going as well as they can [the hospital providing lots of mementos, Declan's cremation will be handled properly etc.]. I'm glad that you also have found some peace. I wasn't sure if I wanted to hold Devon after he was born, so I didn't - but I asked to see him a few hours later, and having those moments with him are moments I will never ever forget. He was perfect, and I'm glad I got to see him and hold his perfect little body.

I'm so sorry to have you join us, but we are here as a source of comfort, a place to vent - whatever you need. *hugs*

hhudson92

I am so sorry you are going through this. We also had to make the decision to induce and it was not easy, but it does get a little easier each day that passes. I was at a high risk of infection also. I am glad the hospital did all of those things for you and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, ((hugs))

Heatherhah

I am so so sorry that you are going through  this. I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby boy! Hugs to you. I hope you can find support here as this is a safe place to come and speak your mind!!!

Heather

bunnybun4

I am so sorry for your loss and know how heartbroken you are right now.

I am also so glad you got all of your sweet baby's momento's from the hospital and got to hold him.

I know life seems like it has stopped right now and moving forward seems impossible but just know that healing does come...it comes slowly but it comes a little bit at a time.  Just give yourself time and you will slowly start to heal...even though you will never forget your sweet baby boy.  Hugs to you.

karebear57

I am so sorry for the loss of your son Declan. Your hospital sounds like a nice one. ((Hugs))

HullGut

You are so strong. I'm glad you found some moments of peace with your son.

Carolee

I'm so sorry for your loss.  I'm glad you were able to hold your precious little boy and that it gave you some sense of peace.  It sounds like the hospital was good about giving you some things to remember him by.  I'm sad that you have to join us here, but welcome to the board.