Gender Disappointment

Michelle N

I read an interesting article I wanted to share with the group!

https://www.today.com/moms/gender-disappointment-expectant-mothers-confess-secret-regrets-1C8144610

It's about gender disappointment. How do you guys feel? I hate to admit it, but I am not-so-secretly hoping it's a girl. I feel like my reasoning is somewhat valid - I want a relationship with my daughter, to be like the one I have with my mother, my best friend. I know there are men that are close to their parents.. but I don't think it's really the same. I heard "when your daughter gets married, you gain a son, and when your son gets married, you lose one", and I just find that to be so true. Anyway, I'm sure it won't cross my mind if I have a boy, but I just thought the article was interesting.. and perhaps I'm not the only one to not only wish for a healthy baby, but wish for a specific gender, too. If I could pick, I'd take a girl now, and a boy second! I guess it's not up to me though

cajunrunner

I can't see myself really disappointed. We'd like a boy this time, but I'd be just as happy having another girl. I have heard of women getting upset and sulking when their baby wasn't the sex that they wanted. I find that incredibly immature. You aren't guaranteed the sex that you want when you get pregnant, just a 50 / 50 chance.

iriscarmendiaz

My husband and I really really really wants girls. Either three girls or two girls and a boy. But I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for a little boy.

I gotta say though, when I first heard the heartbeat before Christmas, I was so proud of my little munchkin, I honestly didn't care at that point if it was a boy or a girl. 

TurtleMomma

On the surface, I want a girl. In the same breath I will say that, more important than the sex, is that my baby is healthy and happy.

Mrs JillB

Well, you can hope that any son who is biologically male will end up with the gender of female? I guess I've never been that hung up over what's between my kids legs. 

tarapike86

I really want a healthy baby, but if we are having a boy this time I know I will be disappointed. I really want the younger three to all be girls. They will all be less than three years apart
It will make clothing a lot easier

shelbell1028

BreanneL24:

Gender disappointment is definitely real and I don't think it makes you a terrible person if you feel that way. Well as long as you don't lament in your "grief". Feel the sadness and then move on to being excited about your sweet baby! I'm very much hoping for another boy. I will have a twinge of gender disappointment if this baby is a girl. I have a horrible relationship with my mom and would be perfectly happy if I never have a daughter. I never want to risk putting a child through what I went through. DH and I have talked about this and he knows how I feel. He has been very encouraging and I know that if we do have a girl, he understands and is confident that our daughter will have a much different experience than I did. I love my son so much and would be perfectly happy if we were having another little boy! But obviously it is a 50/50 chance either way.

I agree with this.  Of course a healthy baby is # 1.  I am hoping for another girl.  I won't go as far to say that I will be disappointed if its a boy but it will take me a little time to adjust.  We will be madly in love with our child either way.

amandarins

I want a girl, but won't be disappointed if its a boy. This is our first and we plan to have another, so I'll feel happy either way. 

lilybit01

I totally get this.  This is my first and honestly I don't care at all either way (but I'm feeling VERY strong boy vibes).  That being said I could totally see myself being a smidge bummed out if number 2 is the same sex as number 1 (look at me getting WAY ahead of myself.)  I really would love at least one of each.

kateisgreat

Michelle N:

 "when your daughter gets married, you gain a son, and when your son gets married, you lose one"

What? That is the complete opposite of my family. I think that completely depends on your relationship with your children. You can have a good relationship with either gender. 

DH wants a boy. I hope for him that this LO is a boy since this will probably be our last baby, but I personally don't care either way. 

Sascha3

I would love one of each.  If it is 2 girls, I will be thrilled, but I know my husband would love a boy and these two will be our last.  I have to admit that I am afraid of 2 boys.  I don't relate as well to little boys and I have always been afraid that boys are so hyper and super active, which I am not. 

I also realize that this is a generalization and that many boys are calm and sweet and I am sure I will be madly in love with two boys.  But I have 2 girls and I find them easier personally.  Everyone tells me that will change when I have my first boy.

And of course right now I am just consumed with hoping for 2 healthy babies.

laceyesmith

I completely understand the concept of being disappointed over the sex of your baby, but I honestly don't have a preference. This is baby #1 for me and my husband, and it took us over a year to conceive, so we are just excited to finally be starting our family. We don't agree on girl names at all so if it's a girl, I'll stress out over the naming process, but still be excited to have a daughter. If it's a boy, we have a first name picked out (it was a non-negotiable for me and the hubby loves it) so that will be less stressful and we'll be just as excited. Maybe with my next I'll have a stronger opinion, but right now as long as it's healthy I'm over the moon!

Soleil3

When I was a ftm I wanted a boy SO bad, frankly because girls freak me out. I now have 2 of the girliest girls in the world so I was probably right to be scared hah. But anyway, this time I'll be happy with either, but I am leaning towards another girl simply because its a path I already know and I have a CRAPTON of clothing

I don't think gender disappointment is anything to be flamed or judged for.

CharmedBAcMF

kateisgreat:

Michelle N:

 "when your daughter gets married, you gain a son, and when your son gets married, you lose one"

What? That is the complete opposite of my family. I think that completely depends on your relationship with your children. You can have a good relationship with either gender. 

DH wants a boy. I hope for him that this LO is a boy since this will probably be our last baby, but I personally don't care either way. 

I agree. That quote is kind of bullshit. It all depends on your relationship and it swings either way.

If you have a smothering relationship with your son and alienate your daughter in law, of course you are going to lose a son.  Same goes vice versa. If you are a monster in law, you run the risk of alienating your "future son" and he will dislike you and your relationship with your daughter will suffer.

I want a healthy baby. All my life I have wanted a boy and DH has wanted a girl. We both would be happy no matter what we get. I am getting girl vibes with t his pregnancy (1st time mom) and I'm equally as happy. I want either and will be thrilled with either. DH on the other hand is kind of scared of having a little boy. He for some reason has a fear that our son will dislike him because he's not a "sports" guy. =(  So silly.

 

mrsf123

Well, my DH is still very close to his parents, so I guess it's about your experience. 

I wanted a girl at some point, so if I ended up with all boys, I can't say how I'd feel.  But as far as this LO, I'd like to have a boy, so we have one of each, so DH has someone who might actually be interested in football and all the boy things he likes... but I'd also like another girl, because I always wanted  a sister, so I'd love for DD to have one.

So I can't say I'd be disappointed if it were one or the other. 

Melanieian

I have both but this is my DH first and only bio LO so he is hoping for a boy and would be disappointed if it is a girl but just a little bit. I already have both gender's so I am fine either way.

ScarletOflaherty

Michelle N:

 I heard "when your daughter gets married, you gain a son, and when your son gets married, you lose one", and I just find that to be so true.

So don't be the sucky-ass mother-in-law that your DIL never wants around and you won't have that problem.  

It's normal to have a preference, it's not normal to revel in grief once you know.  

amarissa85

I will be happy with either, it honestly doesn't matter to me. I won't be disappointed at all.

Organicmama1227

I will say when I found I was pregnant the 2nd time around..I wanted a girl!! But, I found out it was a boy for a second I was upset. But, my sons are best friends. They have such an amazing brother bond. I am so happy my Logan was a boy! This time around I am ok either way. I love how my little boys love their mommy. I have everything for a boy. It would be fun to have a girl as well. But, it is all in God's hands. Either way I just want a healthy baby..that's all that matters.

MissyCee

I can understand feeling a tinge of disappointment, especially if it's a situation where you will only have boys or girls and won't get to experience having both. Being overcome with grief over it is ridiculous though.

For me I don't think I could possibly feel any real disappointment. I would say if I had to pick a preference, I would choose a girl because I've always dreamed of having a daughter, but I would be thrilled beyond belief with a boy too.

 

johnson8586

My brother and SIL wear team green for their first pregancy, but my brother called baby a boy throughout the whole thing. He was so insistent on having a boy! Well, baby turned out to be a beautiful, healthy girl that is now 2 yrs old and he absolutely adores her. In fact, during their pregancy with number 2, he told me he wouldn't mind if they had another girl bc their first one was "pretty cool." Turned out to be a boy that they absolutely adore. Funny how life works out.

Native+Girl

It took us way too long to get here to be choosy over whether we have a boy or girl. Regardless, this kid is the most wanted and loved kid there is (obviously biased).

That being said, before we realized we were going to have problems, my ideal was 2 kids, boy then girl. This was for a few reasons - 1) I loved having an older brother, I always felt protected and he made me tough, 2) DH is the oldest and has 2 younger sisters, I love the way they interact togehter, and 3) it'd be the first boy on DH's side and first boy for my grandparents. I feel sorry for our daughter if it is a girl because her mom lacks the girly gene so she'll undoubtedly be a tomboy like me and any hope of girliness will have to come from her aunts.

lisamoe

I really wanted a girl when DS was born.  We were team green, so I didn't find out until delivery.

When the Dr. said that we had a boy, the thought of it not being a girl didnt even cross my mind!  Really.  You will be happy no matter what. It's your first baby, and unless you are one and done, I wouldn't get too upset, at least this time around

caramia582

cajunrunner:

I can't see myself really disappointed. We'd like a boy this time, but I'd be just as happy having another girl. I have heard of women getting upset and sulking when their baby wasn't the sex that they wanted. I find that incredibly immature. You aren't guaranteed the sex that you want when you get pregnant, just a 50 / 50 chance.

I don't think that's fair to say and it is actually a bit judgmental.  There is nothing wrong with always dreaming of having a child of a certain sex and being disappointed when you don't get that sex.  It's not mourning the child you are getting, but rather the child you will never have.

Our family is most likely 2 and done.  If we have another boy, I will feel a bit of sadness for the daughter I'll never have.  I am not ashamed to admit that.  I have always wanted a daughter.  I will love my boys just the same.  I don't think that's immature at all. 

janneann1127

The first time around, I was secretly hoping for a girl. I wanted to buy girly things, and cute girl clothes, and well, I'm a girl so I felt like I knew what to expect. When I found out it was a boy, I wasn't disappointed but I was a little scared.

Now that I have a boy, I think it's the greatest thing in the world. I don't know why I was freaked out. My little boy is sweet and wild and I love every minute! I honestly don't care if this one is boy or girl because I know that whichever it is, I will love all the little things about them. Gender disappointment is real I suppose, but it doesn't make a lot of sense to me now that I am a parent.

Moosesoar

We truly don't care which sex our baby is as long as they are healthy. Both are a blessing and an adventure.

plunderb

I will have a moment of panic if this LO is a boy, but mostly because DH and I are having a lot of trouble coming up with a name for a boy. We bought all gender neutral big ticket items the first time around, so we're all set with that. I've made my peace with the fact that whoever this baby is, he or she will not be DD reincarnated, so it's inevitable that we'll be unprepared. I'd love another girl, but it's no big deal.

WashingtonQueen

It is no secret that DH and I want a girl, we already have 3 boys. But, if it turns out to be another boy am I going to be disappointed about it? Nope! My baby is just a special to me no matter what the sex is.

BlueJewelM

This is probably my last as well. I agree with the pp about the mother being thrilled with another boy, but may mourn the girl I will never have. Not when I find out the sex or at the birth, but maybe years down the road when my boys are covered in mud and bringing me a dead frog. Or when we go to Disney and see Cinderella. I may get a pang of wistfulness. I think that's natural and normal.

I honestly have no preference for gender this time or last time. Another boy would be great because I think DS would love having a baby brother. And I just love all things little boy.

But I wonder what princess parties are like. And I look at pretty dresses and hair bows with awe. Either would be a blessing and I am excited for whatever this baby is!

OnederfulWish

I actually read about gender disappointment a few weeks ago because I was so convinced that if I don't have a girl I would be very disappointed.  I've always had dreams about having a girl and just felt I'm fated to be a mom of a daughter (and we'll likely only have 1 child).  Then I started to wrap my brain around a boy.  I just felt "boy" since I've been pregnant so I figured I'd better start digging deep and sorting out my feelings.  If I have a boy and he's anything like my husband, I will be so grateful.  I've come to realize that I truly would be happy with either, as long as it's a healthy, happy, baby.

anvloveskme

We want a boy because we already have DD.  I will be disappointed for like 5 seconds, because we don't plan on having a third.  Then I will be just fine )

girlmama83

I understand hoping for a certain gender, I'd be lying if I said I'm not hoping its a girl, but I think to be disappointed if your baby isn't the gender you want, is appalling. I could never imagine bein disappointed. I may be rooting for a girl but I would be just as excited with a boy.

Not judging anyone here by the way, I didn't even read any of the posts. Just giving my opinion on the article.

BelhurstBride

DH and I both really wanted a boy the first time around. I think had we found out ahead of time we both would have gone through a brief period of disappointment. Good news is there was none of that once DD was in our arms. 

chelseymat

I have two boys and I wouldn't change it for the world but I would be lying if I said I wasn't hoping this was a girl. This is most likely our last and I would love the opportunity to parent both genders. Plus my mom and I are close. I will not be too upset if it's a boy though, my boys love each other and have so much in common. The grandparents on both sides however, are already very vocal about wanting this to be a girl. I hope it doesnt damper the excitement for us if everyone else is disappointed. 

cjmiksch

I'm personally hoping for another girl. My husband wants a boy. I believe there is such a special bond between sisters. My true hope is that the baby is healthy and we will be thrilled no matter what.

skittles230

I'm hoping for a boy and SO is hoping for a boy, but everyone else seems to think my little bean is a girl. I don't think I'll be disappointed if I am having a girl, but I really want to have the first male grandchild for my Dad, and the little boy SO is hoping for.

senseisosa

Just to be clear, DH and I are Team Green, and we're excited for the surprise. We want a healthy baby above all. 

 Over the summer, I went to my sister's last four OB appointments before her third son was born. For one of the appointments, a woman was finding out the gender of her baby, and I'll never forget her reaction after the appointment was over. She came out of the office in tears because she found out she was having a boy, and the army of people she brought with her were also upset. That, coupled with negative reactions I've seen colleagues and family have to baby boys is so disheartening. Both genders have their challenges. Wait until all those baby girls become teenagers.

V&G101808

kateisgreat:

Michelle N:

 "when your daughter gets married, you gain a son, and when your son gets married, you lose one"

What? That is the complete opposite of my family. I think that completely depends on your relationship with your children. You can have a good relationship with either gender. 

DH wants a boy. I hope for him that this LO is a boy since this will probably be our last baby, but I personally don't care either way. 

I can understand gender disappointment but your comment about losing a son is a bit of a stretch.  It all depends on your family, how you raised your son, etc.

My husband is EXTREMELY close to his parents and they call each other several times a week, hang out at least a few times a month.  My parents definitely gained a son but my inlaws definitely did not lose theirs. 

kmichln

I remember when i was pregnant with my DS I was hoping for a girl. My DH's family was hoping for a boy and would say hateful things to me like "why would you want a shi!!y girl for?" "We don't make girls in this family" And it turned out I was having a boy and they were right. So when I found out I was disappointed not in my son's gender exactly but that they were right. I know that sounds ridiculous, but they weren't very supportive and were just down right hateful. They still are. I was only disappointed for like a second. Then I was excited to finally know what he was and be able to buy little outfits and stuff. 

 I wouldn't change anything obviously! I love my DS and I would love to have another boy. I have to say boys are pretty awesome haha. But this time around I won't care what it is at all. I just want a healthy baby. After experiencing two losses last year, a healthy baby is all I could hope to ask for.  

 I understand being a little disappointed, but if it's like a deep disappointment like you sulk over it, I think that's a bit much because a baby is such a blessing.  

kmichln

BlueJewelM:

This is probably my last as well. I agree with the pp about the mother being thrilled with another boy, but may mourn the girl I will never have. Not when I find out the sex or at the birth, but maybe years down the road when my boys are covered in mud and bringing me a dead frog. Or when we go to Disney and see Cinderella. I may get a pang of wistfulness. I think that's natural and normal. I honestly have no preference for gender this time or last time. Another boy would be great because I think DS would love having a baby brother. And I just love all things little boy. But I wonder what princess parties are like. And I look at pretty dresses and hair bows with awe. Either would be a blessing and I am excited for whatever this baby is!

 

All of this too! You worded it perfectly. 

cdavies2013

I'm the exact same way! I've always been very close to my mom and I've always wanted to have that same bond with my daughter, but I've been having "boy vibes" and getting excited about the idea of a little boy, too! I'm nervous now that if we have a girl first time around, I'm going to prefer her over any future brothers she might have whereas I know my firstborn will alway have a special place in my heart!