Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

It is with a heavy heart that I join this board... (a bit lengthy)

It has been a little over a week since I found out that things were not progressing the way they should be.  So while I have been lurking here and reading everyone's stories for 9 days or so, I am just now able to share mine.  Somehow by putting it in writing, it makes it more of a reality and I still feel that I am in the denial phase of grieving. 

This was my second pregnancy and I have a DS who is 2.5 years old.  We had been trying for a while, and it was the week before Christmas that I got my BFP.  I had bloodwork to confirm and had my first OB appt and u/s scheduled at 8 weeks on 1/23.  At 6 weeks, I had some right sided pain on/off again so I called my OB and they had me come in and get an early u/s.  I wasn't concerned as I had that same pain with my previous pregnancy and figured it was just the corpus luteum cyst- which is what it ended up being- so no concerns there.  At that u/s, there was one viable baby with a heart beat and then also another sac!  They could not tell if the sac was empty or if it would develop into a twin because it was so early.  So I was to keep my original u/s appt for 8 weeks so they could follow up.  So in that 2 weeks, I was so excited to know that we had one healthy baby with a heartbeat and a possibility for a twin.  The day for the u/s finally came and I was able to move it up 2 days to Monday 1/21.  I went by myself since DH was at work and as I was on my way to appt I was sort of anxious but reassuring myself that we know there is one healthy baby with a heart beat and I was told by OB that once you get a heart beat chances for a m/c are much lower.  So I went in and I IMMEDIATELY knew something wasn't right once the u/s started.  The baby looked no different than it did almost 2 weeks ago and I was 8 weeks now. They ended up doing a transvaginal u/s again on me as they did at 6 weeks, which was sort of my second clue that something wasn't quite right. I could see the heartbeat flickering away so I was trying to stay positive- until the sonographer calculated what the heart rate was.  It was 87 and then 89 when she tried again.  I said, "Isn't that low??" and she replied, "Yes, it is on the lower side." Of course they can't tell you anything so I was figuring this out all on my own.  She never referred to the baby as a "baby" and handed me the printout picture to take home which, again, looked no different than the one I had from 12 days prior. I did not have an OB appt after the u/s (as that was still scheduled for Wed 1/23), so the sonographer gave me the billing form to give check out and sent me on my way.  I was really trying to stay positive until I read the billing form and she had cirlced threatened abortion.  THAT DID IT!   I left and emotionally held it together enough to get in the car and called DH.  He wanted me to call my OB (who is at a different office than the office I had u/s at) and I couldn't because I was just so upset.  He called and of course they would not give him any info- until he explained the situation.  A nurse from my OB office called and explained that the u/s had just been read and basically confirmed what I knew.  Heart rate of <90 and very little growth in almost 2 weeks = likely a loss.  I was heartbroken.  How did this happen??  I went to see if there were 2 babies and now I have essentially no baby.  They wanted me to keep my OB appt I already had scheduled for 2 days later and would do a repeat u/s prior to that appt and go from there.  I knew there was pretty much no hope at this point (chances of loss were 80% or more) and I was trying to just prepare myself for the reality of it.  So last Wed on the day I was supposed to have my first u/s and OB appt, I had the u/s that confirmed what I didn't want.  The baby stopped growing at 6w5d (I was 8w2d) and there was no heart beat at that point so between Mon afternoon and Wed morning that heartbeat went from the 80s to 0.  :*(

I already knew the 3 options that would be offered and I opted for the d&c.  My body still thought it was pregnant, I never had any spotting or any bleeding, and I didn't want to prolong the inevitable and I also wanted pathology and chromosomes sent.  My OB also happened to be in the OR the following day so I felt better knowing who would be doing my surgery.  The d&c was the easy part.  Because all of this happened within 3 days I didn't have a chance to grieve until after it was all over. I am not sure if that is good or bad.  Also, because we had a heartbeat initially and because I had a normal pregnancy previous to this, I didn't think this would happen.  This week has been almost more difficult than last week because now I am faced with the long emotional road ahead.  It is also HOW it happened that I am having a little trouble with.  I really think it was wrong for the sonographer to circle threatened abortion on the form and just send me on my way, like it was nothing.  Clearly the findings were indicating a bad outcome and I think someone should have talked with me before I left that office.  DH, nor I, should have had to call them after I basically interpreted the results on my own.  My OB did apologize for this, and at this point it doesn't matter because the outcome is hard enough to deal with. 

I am sorry for everyone's losses on here, but reading and now writing it has been therapeutic. 

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Re: It is with a heavy heart that I join this board... (a bit lengthy)

  • I am so sorry you are going through this. How awful for you to find out by reading the diagnosis on a piece of paper without getting to talk to a doctor or someone right then about it.
    July 2015 Jan Siggy Challenge: Snow Fails/Funnies

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    BFP #5 11/15/14, Team Green EDD 7/22/15

    BFP #4 4/30/13, baby girl born med-free Jan. 2014

    BFP #3 9/24/12, Missed m/c at 9w1d (baby measured 8w5d)

    BFP #2 9/23/10, healthy baby girl born med-free June 2011

    BFP #1 5/21/10, Missed m/c at 10w4d (baby measured 8wks), D&C 6/29/10
     
    "Life is like a camera, just focus on what's important and capture the good times, develop from the negatives and if things don't work out, just take another shot."

  • I am SO sorry for your loss.

    I can't believe that they did that to you. I know that the u/s techs can't tell you anything really, but they should have called your doctor right away and had you make an appointment or at least talk to the doctor on the phone before sending you on your way!

    hugs....I hope you find that this board is full of support and lots of hugs whenever you need them

    image

    Missing Our July Sparkler
    BFP#1-11/12/12, MMC 1/16/13-baby stopped growing @ 9wks, found out at 13wks, D&E 1/25/13
    BFP#2-4/23/13 EDD-01/02/14 baby BOY born 12/31/13 Michael Cameron <3

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  • I am so very sorry for your loss.

    I had a bad experience with the doctor who interpreted my ultrasound -- for a different reason, but I completely understand your frustration. I think my anger was intensified by my grief, but I am still considering writing a letter to the practice to express my dissatisfaction with the way I was treated. I hope that no one ever has to experience the same thing as I did.

    Take care & ((hugs))

  • I am so sorry for your loss.  I also had an u/s at like 6 weeks and my doc circled threatened miscarriage also.  At that point it was not even a thought but that was the only billing option on the chart that made sense.  We were just getting the u/s to confirm if there was one or two babies, my miscarriage did not happen until a week later. I totally understand that having that on your chart makes it so much scarier!! I was like wtf!

    I am glad that writing your story was therapeutic! Hopefully all the sharing you do will also bring some healing, the ladies here are great!

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  • I am so sorry for your loss. 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Always in Our Hearts MMC -Twins 12 weeks July 2010 M/C 6 weeks 1/25/13
  • I'm so sorry for your loss and also for the experience you had after your u/s. big ((hugs))

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    My Ovulation Chart

    BFP #1 3.16.12. mmc 5.7.12 at 11 weeks ~Avery Cameron~

    BFP #2 12.12.12. mmc 1.22.13 at 10 weeks ~Theodore Michael~

    D&C #2 Chromosome analysis results: Translocation Trisomy 14

    My RPL Testing: Homozygous MTHFR, normal karyotype

    DH's karyotype results: Robertsonian Translocation 13:14

    BFP #3 9.10.13 mc at 4 weeks~Our little May Flower~ 

    BFP #4 10.13.13- Our Rainbow Baby, a little girl, arrived June 25, 2014! 

                                                                              


     

     

     

     

  • So sorry for your loss. Where I go we aren't even allowed to see the screen during the ultrasound unless a doctor is present. My tech told me she wouldn't tell me a thing good or bad.
    BFP #1 4/6/09; EDD 12/6/09; miscarriage 4/10/09..............BFP #2 5/3/09; DD born 1/9/10........BFP #3 12/15/12, EDD 8/31/13; baby stopped growing at 5w3d; natural miscarriage..........BFP #4 2/8/13, EDD 10/20/13; missed miscarriage discovered 9w2d; d/c.......BFP #5 10/22/13, EDD 7/8/13; miscarriage 10/28/13..... BFP #6 11/19/13; DS born 7/29/14 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252 {\fonttbl\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 Helvetica;} {\colortbl;\red255\green255\blue255;\red51\green51\blue51;\red255\green255\blue255;} \deftab720 \pard\pardeftab720\sl280\partightenfactor0 \f0\fs22 \cf2 \cb3 \expnd0\expndtw0\kerning0 \outl0\strokewidth0 \strokec2 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker} {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252 {\fonttbl\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 Helvetica;} {\colortbl;\red255\green255\blue255;\red51\green51\blue51;\red255\green255\blue255;} \deftab720 \pard\pardeftab720\sl280\partightenfactor0 \f0\fs22 \cf2 \cb3 \expnd0\expndtw0\kerning0 \outl0\strokewidth0 \strokec2 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker}
  • I am so incredibly sorry for your loss.  I'm glad writing it out and reading posts here has helped you with this process some.  It's not a pleasant process and my heart aches for every woman on this board.  Thoughts and prayers to you.
    _______________________________________________________________________________________

    Jacob & Audra - married since 05.28.11
    Emma Kate - born 10.16.03 @ 29 weeks, weighed 1lb 13oz and 13.5" long.
    Ozzy Joseph - born 11.01.13 @ 31 weeks, weighed 3lbs 7oz and 16" long.
    TTC #3
    _______________________________________________________________________________________

  • I had seen a midwife during my pregnancy, and found out about losing the baby from the perinatalogist at our nuchal screening/genetic counseling appointment.  He was great, but I had my D&C with an OB/GYN from my midwife's office.  The OB was AWFUL! She was cold, stand-offish, and didn't leave me with any real information or comfort.  She barely even spoke to me, and never even acknowledged my partner's presence.  I feel for your loss.  It seems hard enough to lose your baby, without feeling cold-shouldered by the medical staff.  I have since changed my OB, and it sounds like you should look into a different option for U/S in the future.  I feel like any woman working in obstetrics should be more compassionate than a standard doctor.  My heart goes out to you! The girls on this board are super supportive, and they've really helped me along through this.
    BFP 11/24/2012  MMC 1/21/2013 - BFP 3/29/2013  MC 4/8/2013 - BFP 4/25/2013 MC 5/6/2013 - 5/17/2013 Diagnosed with LPD - BFP 8/24/13  MC 9/6/2013
    BFP: 12/19/13  - Beta 1@11dpo: 26.8 - Beta 6@23dpo: 3,672
    Our Rainbow Son Born August 26, 2014
    Lilypie - (nueR)
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    All ALers welcome!
  • Thank you all for the kind words and thoughts.  It has really helped just reading everyone's own experiences and makes me feel not completely alone in getting through this grieving process.  
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • imageSaranJonathan:
    So sorry for your loss. Where I go we aren't even allowed to see the screen during the ultrasound unless a doctor is present. My tech told me she wouldn't tell me a thing good or bad.

    I can't imagine not being able to see the screen at a routine u/s! I think that would bother me more because of not knowing anything!  

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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