Anyone carrying for a family member?

hterry85

I'm in the early stages of cosidering offering for somone. My BIL and his DH adopted an 11 year old boy last year. They've been talking about wanting a baby and how much harder it is to adopt, and other options etc.

It's something I've always thought about doing, and now that we're done having our own (my youngest is almost 5 months) it's been on my mind a little more.

Pros/cons to offering for family? Stories to share? Any legal issues? I'm in IL and they're in IA.

angelfire02

I just wanted to say that you are amazing for considering this, I had twins 8 1/2 months ago and lost my uterus at delivery.  Everyone since then has told me "Oh just have your sister have a baby for you" I don't have a sister but a friend of mine is in the same situation I am but with two sisters.  Both of her sisters have offered to carry for her and I am so happy for her, and also insanely jealous.  I wish there was a close family member who would be able to do the same for me, but alas, all of my siblings are brothers. :P  It's an amazing gift you would be able to give them. 

mamainseptember

I am considering doing this for my SIL and her fiancee. They are getting married summer of 2014 so we would cross the bridge shortly there after. I hope everything works out for you! Its such a great thing to do!

Mama-Bear

I never have and don't think I would.  My IM and I were discussing this when they came in town for the U/S back in December.  One of her friends offered, IM declined.  She said that if anything ever happened to the pg, she wouldn't ever want her friend to feel blamed, she wanted to be able to use her friend for support, no matter if there was a fault or not (I'm sure 99% of the time there's no fault) the relationship would probably always be changed, and not for the better.  I completely agree with IM.  I understand that it would be much cheaper to have a friend/family member carry, make sure you think of every possibility and "what if" scenario.  I will say, IL is one of the best states in the country to deliver in, not sure about IA laws, but it would be great for you to deliver in IL.  My IP's are from IL, I'm in MO, it's going to cost them about $5k more just because I'm in MO and all of the legal work that needs to be done for them to get parentage of their own baby (which I think is absurd, it's their own flesh and blood but that's a whole different post).  I think it's great if you do carry for them, but just make sure you think about all of the good and potentially bad, have the difficult conversations with them before you get started.

Morey19

To angelfire02: I just wanted to respond to your post because the same thing happened to me. My twin boys are now 9 months old, but I also lost my uterus after the delivery and it was very traumatic. I'm still struggling with everything that happened. I still want more children and I am trying to think about ways to make that possible. Just wanted you to know that I somewhat know what you went through. I felt so alone when it happened to me.