Cought SS smoking pot

Valeriam

Caught the 15 yr old boy smoking pot in the bathroom Monday. His dad dropped him off because he didnt want to go to the gym with him. I had gone grocery shopping and I guess he didnt think Id be home so soon. Walk in and the hall leading to his Bathroom stinks. I was in shock and was thinking "No way"- I had smelled something faint before but wasnt sure so didnt say anything. This time I went up to the door and asked him. He denied. I told him it smelled awfully weird. I took off to meet dad at the gym. He had meanwhile texted him saying I had accused him of smoking weed but that he's not and we could search his room. Well, my husband didnt search his room but gave him a "talkin to". The next day his mother picks him up from school but needed to stop by the house to pick something up. My husband had gotten out early and searched his room. Didn't find anything until he got to his gym bag where he found a 100 smoking machine packed with weed. 

Dad and mom gave him another talkin to, canceled gym and grounded from phone for a month.  I come in the picture and suggested to not buy him any new clothes until he tests negative on a drug test. (he is very vain). I was also thinking of denying haircuts if he continues to be positive. Also, daily dish duty at our house and at his moms and cleaning blinds and windos every weekend, dirty or not.Also, he gets no more cashe. He is to pack his lunch everyday if he wants to eat.

At the end of the conversation, the boy asks if we want the rest of the stuff. We were like "yeah" and he goes and pulls out a filter, a crusher and other parafonalia totalling about 150-200 dollars. Only one joint and a packed bowl of wee though.

What do we do?????  I know he is in high school there is so much pressure. They sell this stuff in class!!!!  Do I go harder, is it too hard?  What is the next step? ANyone with experience with this?  Looking for tips.

Thankyou

+just+j+

Get the yellow pages out. There are drug crisis centers and hotlines you can call and they can advise you on what to do.

Personally I think you need to get him into counselling with someone who specializes in addiction - now before any thinks I'm suggesting the extreme, I think you need to nip it NOW.  Not when he moves on to something else.

And to be honest with you - the fact that he handed over all his paraphenalia tells me he may have already moved on to something else. 

You better be locking down your prescription drugs in your house and pursuing this possibility.

Seriously.  That's the new drug of choice in kids these days. Pot is just an easy extra.

Reallynervous83

+just+j+:

Get the yellow pages out. There are drug crisis centers and hotlines you can call and they can advise you on what to do.

Personally I think you need to get him into counselling with someone who specializes in addiction - now before any thinks I'm suggesting the extreme, I think you need to nip it NOW.  Not when he moves on to something else.

And to be honest with you - the fact that he handed over all his paraphenalia tells me he may have already moved on to something else. 

You better be locking down your prescription drugs in your house and pursuing this possibility.

Seriously.  That's the new drug of choice in kids these days. Pot is just an easy extra.

 

oh PP calm down.  OP--he handed you the rest of the stuff (which he volunteered) this either means he sincerely is sorry for his actions and on the right path or he has another way to get it.  It's really hard to know what to do without knowing your relationship first--has he always been trustworthy in the past?  how are his grades? what are his friends like?  what is his social life/extra circular life like? If he's been a pretty good kid until this point then be harsh but not overboard (enough so he knows you don't condone it, but not enough so that he gets worse).  

Good luck.  I'm not of the mindset that marijuana is a "gateway" drug, it really depends on the kid their social circle and their parents involvement in their life.  

lb1212

I think you're on the right track. You've set firm boundaries and established appropriate punishments. You've told SS that you will drug-test him. Your DH DID search the room. I think that SS "gets" that - he even turned in the stash you didn't know about. He didn't have to do that.

Unfortunately, I do agree with PP's suggestion to lock up any prescription meds - or at least regularly check them out. I'd also think about doing the same with any alcohol in the house. (Although, I think this a good idea if you have kids in the house in general.) Check the at home drug kit you buy to see what it tests for.

Have him see a therapist. Some kids will experiment with pot in high school and that's it. Others, will start with "experimenting" but then develop addictions and have a life-long problem with drugs and/or alcohol. A therapist can help decipher which is the case with SS. If the therapist does see an issue with SS, getting treatment now will help him in the long-run.

Karma1969

Denying him haircuts seems like an odd choice.

 

Counseling.  Random drug testing to rule out the use of any other drugs.  Smoking weed is pretty tame compared to what many kids his age are doing now.  It's scary to be in high school now.

Reallynervous83

MelRC117:

Reallynervous83:

+just+j+:

Get the yellow pages out. There are drug crisis centers and hotlines you can call and they can advise you on what to do.

Personally I think you need to get him into counselling with someone who specializes in addiction - now before any thinks I'm suggesting the extreme, I think you need to nip it NOW.  Not when he moves on to something else.

And to be honest with you - the fact that he handed over all his paraphenalia tells me he may have already moved on to something else. 

You better be locking down your prescription drugs in your house and pursuing this possibility.

Seriously.  That's the new drug of choice in kids these days. Pot is just an easy extra.

oh PP calm down.  OP--he handed you the rest of the stuff (which he volunteered) this either means he sincerely is sorry for his actions and on the right path or he has another way to get it.  It's really hard to know what to do without knowing your relationship first--has he always been trustworthy in the past?  how are his grades? what are his friends like?  what is his social life/extra circular life like? If he's been a pretty good kid until this point then be harsh but not overboard (enough so he knows you don't condone it, but not enough so that he gets worse).  

Good luck.  I'm not of the mindset that marijuana is a "gateway" drug, it really depends on the kid their social circle and their parents involvement in their life.  

Are you serious reallynervous? You think he is sincerely sorry and knows what he did wrong? That is denial right there for you. He could have a stash at school, he could have a stash at a friends house.

Just a couple days ago 10 teens a an area high school got in trouble for having a prescription drug ring going...either their own that they weren't taking or stealing from home. Have you ever heard of pharm parties? Kinda like a chili dump but with prescription drugs. Yeah he may not be doing more than pot, but he is doing it at home. Hes not doing it socially and with friends. He's at home. Alone. Smoking pot. Yeah, I wouldn't think someone who's just doing it to be cool and because his friends are would be doing it at home alone.

The hair cut thing is a little strange. The kid needs a haircut but maybe he doesn't need a new shirt every week.

 

Obviously you didn't bother to read my post.  I said he EITHER is sincerely sorry OR he has another way to get it.  

But rushing to judge this kid who smoked pot (we don't know for how long or any other details) is a little ridiculous.  The parents have taken then right steps as mentioned in the OP.  But if they have a good relationship with the kid, the know the kids friends, he's making good grades, and he's been trustworthy in the past.  Then doing to much can really turn the child the opposite direction.

Making a mountain out of a molehill (which again depending on the factors listed in my post this could be) doesn't help at all and can make things much worse.  

  

Littlejen22

So justnervous, how often do you smoke? It is an illegal drug and he is doing it in the hous, mountain out of molehill? And he had over 100 worth of paraphanilia, do casual smokers with no risk of doing more have this stuff?

I agree that you are not talking about a kid that joined in at a party, he is smoking alone and with no regards to being caught if he is doing it in his own house, inside! And where did he get that kind of money to buy that amount of stuff?

I would have him drug tested to find out what else he is doing, or tell him he is going and see if he comes clean. These days more kids are probably doing pills than pot because it is so easy to get, keep everything locked up. And try to find out how often he is smoking which will determine if he needs more help, I cannot tell you how much I regret that we thought it was not a huge deal when SD was caught and that we did some sort of rehab, but she was turning 18 and would have refused, she would not even verbally agree to no drugs.

+just+j+

In a previous post she stated that his grades are going down hill.  So we're not talking about a kid that's just playing here. It's affecting his grades, which will affect him long term.

Guess what the counselors at my co-parenting classes told us was the drug of choice in teens over 80% of the time? 80%.

Prescription drugs.

They gave us the opportunity to guess. NONE of us parents guessed it. Including me, who's had to deal with this with my SS.  And this counselor's work is an addiction specialist and pain management counselling - meaning when a patient is showing signs of addiction and too much reliance on the pain meds - they have to go to him as part of their recovery.

You could be right - he has more than one pipe, and access to more pot, but it could very well be it's really not his drug of choice. It's only what you're noticing that he's doing. 

Punishment obviously is not working. Time to take the next step.

mamastich

I used to be an avid pot smoker but am no longer at all. I attribute one of the reasons I was able to stop was because the rules were firm in my house. No alcohol and pot. I live in California pot is not a bad thing here but the effects it has on growing brains are real. Stay firm and stick with it n

Littlejen22

mamastich:

I used to be an avid pot smoker but am no longer at all. I attribute one of the reasons I was able to stop was because the rules were firm in my house. No alcohol and pot. I live in California pot is not a bad thing here but the effects it has on growing brains are real. Stay firm and stick with it n

This is a big thing that many people mostly pot smokers do not realize. My SD suffered terrible anxiety when she was smoking when she was a teen which probably made her smoke more but that was the main cause of it being so bad.

+just+j+

My sister used to smoke pot in college.  She used to go thru severe boughts of depression afterward. 

flippy1234

Oh for fvcks sake. Alcohol is a worse drug than pot when abused and I would bet that 99 of you drink or have drank alcohol. Do I think it's ok for a 15 year old to be drinking and smoking pot? No. But it happens ... And it doesn't mean their life is over or they are a bad kid. And for the record, I don't smoke pot in, tried it in college and Im not a fan. I just think it's ridiculous the way people who love to gulp down bottles of wine get on their high horse about pot and how bad it is, puuhleeze. I'd be more worried if the kid had empty bottles of hard liquor under his bed or was stealing prescription meds.

Valeriam

flippy1234:

Oh for fvcks sake. Alcohol is a worse drug than pot when abused and I would bet that 99 of you drink or have drank alcohol. Do I think it's ok for a 15 year old to be drinking and smoking pot? No. But it happens ... And it doesn't mean their life is over or they are a bad kid. And for the record, I don't smoke pot in, tried it in college and Im not a fan. I just think it's ridiculous the way people who love to gulp down bottles of wine get on their high horse about pot and how bad it is, puuhleeze. I'd be more worried if the kid had empty bottles of hard liquor under his bed or was stealing prescription meds.

HEy my daughter's name is Rowan!! ANyhoot--- it is different from adults guzzling wine and a developing child abuse alcohol or any other drugs. Studies show it really impacts their ability to deal with emotions and process things.

Valeriam

flippy1234:

Oh for fvcks sake. Alcohol is a worse drug than pot when abused and I would bet that 99 of you drink or have drank alcohol. Do I think it's ok for a 15 year old to be drinking and smoking pot? No. But it happens ... And it doesn't mean their life is over or they are a bad kid. And for the record, I don't smoke pot in, tried it in college and Im not a fan. I just think it's ridiculous the way people who love to gulp down bottles of wine get on their high horse about pot and how bad it is, puuhleeze. I'd be more worried if the kid had empty bottles of hard liquor under his bed or was stealing prescription meds.

HEy my daughter's name is Rowan!! ANyhoot--- it is different from adults guzzling wine and a developing child abuse alcohol or any other drugs. Studies show it really impacts their ability to deal with emotions and process things.

+just+j+

flippy1234:

I just think it's ridiculous the way people who love to gulp down bottles of wine get on their high horse about pot and how bad it is, puuhleeze. I'd be more worried if the kid had empty bottles of hard liquor under his bed or was stealing prescription meds.

Who here guzzles bottles of wine that's getting on their high horse?

I'm confused by how you think alcohol is so much worse.  Pot is illegal in most states.  That fact alone, and just saying, "Oh well, it's JUST pot..." is teaching your child that it's okay to break the law.  If he has pot or paraphenalia on him or in a car, he will go to jail and it would be on his record.  If he has it on him, or hides it in a vehicle that is owned by his parents while his parents or a friend are driving him - guess what?  The parent/vehicle owner goes to jail. 

Not cool.  There is nothing okay with pot in my mind and it should not be taken lightly.

LoveActually4

Make sure he also knows what will happen if he is caught again we said we would phone police on the person who she bought it from, no school dances or cell phone.

We use electronics phone especially as punshmenta rather than clothes, haircuts etc. It's next to impossible to buy drugs/go drinking/party when you're a teen with no phone!