50/50 with no set schedule

blueyedsweety28

my ex has suggested we have 50/50 custody and placement with no set placement schedule .. I'm not sure how I feel about this .. considering he could just keep him as long as he wants .. however, I guess I could just as well do the same .. so we need to have a mutual trust in each other to make this work .. I just feel like we might be setting ourselves up for disaster by not having a set schedule .. I mean, we are going to have a schedule .. but it won't be in the court order .. we are just going to agree with each other on one .. 

socloudy99

Okay I tried to stay out of this since it isn't my board but I just can't.

This is a horrible idea!!! It will lead to hurt feelings, power struggles, the child being put in the middle, and going back to court.

Please have a set schedule! One that addresses now and once said child is school aged. A set schedule doesn't mean you can't occasionally switch days.

The following things need to be written out in the court order:

holidays - does the person that happens to have child just keep them for holidays/are you going to split the day/are you going to switch every other year?

birthdays - the childs and the parents/are you spliting the childs birthday/do you both get the child for your birthdays

mothers/fathers day

transport of child/pick up location

well doctor and dentist appointments - I would want to make these and provide BF with the info in advance so he can attend. This way things aren't forgot about.

I'm sorry but blended families are hard and when you have a very loose court order it only gets harder. If you leave it like this you will be back in court in a year. GL! Remind BF that a set schedule doens't mean you can occasionally be flexible.

mel1987

Get a set schedule. I'm in the process of going to court for that with the father of my two children. We thought we could do the scheduling ourselves... Wrong! I'm constantly getting screwed over. He has no regard for letting me know exact times, and he is never here to pick the kids up when I need him to. I could list SOO many examples, but I won't. Just get a set schedule, and if something comes up like... he wants to take him to an event that is not on his day, you two can still be flexible with each other. 

blueyedsweety28

thanks for all the advice .. having a schedule seems like a MUST-HAVE .. obviously, we're not together cuz we couldn't get along .. there's already conflicts in the air .. not having a schedule only seems it would be setting us up for failure in our co-parenting adventures .. =

Anne1989

Get a set schedule asap and I would see if you can get it court-ordered.