nanny sleeping on the job?

ENI36 · January 2013

What is the general opinion of the nanny sleeping on the job? As in when the baby is asleep? I took my older son out to the library and she stayed home with the baby. This was her first day on the job and she was also forty minutes late. I came home with my son and she had been sleeping on our couch with one of our blankets over her. She woke right up when I came in. It kind of rubbed me the wrong way, but DH says he doesn't care.

robinsokj · January 2013

The coming late would bother me way more than the sleeping

RondackHiker · January 2013

On the first day and being forty minutes late, I think it'd big me. I'd try to cut some slack if we hadn't discussed expectations during naps.

Did she have the monitor so she could hear the baby? Why was she late?

I'd think it would bug me less if she'd just dozed off while sitting up, versus laying down with a blanket.

Ms5586 · January 2013

Coming 40 minutes late (without a legit excuse, like a major traffic jam and no second way to get there) would bother me more than her napping while baby naps. As long as there is a way for her to hear baby right away (monitor, or only being one room away), it wouldn't bother me.

I do think it's weird. If I were the nanny, I wouldn't feel comfortable just crashing on someone's couch. Family friends that I babysat for? I didn't think twice about it lol.

EastCoastBride · January 2013

In general, no, I wouldn't care.

But for the fact it's her FIRST day and she was 40 minutes late (good reason??) - I know if it were me and I knew the mom was going to be coming home "shortly", I would never have done that.

Tigger & pooh · January 2013

I would guess she doesn't have enough to do but I also think it is ok if everything is done and child is sleeping in lieu of a typical lunch break.

RondackHiker · January 2013

EastCoastBride:
In general, no, I wouldn't care.But for the fact it's her FIRST day and she was 40 minutes late good reason??nbsp; I know if it were me and I knew the mom was going to be coming home "shortly", I would never have done that.nbsp; nbsp;

I think that's what bothers me about it. It would make me feel like she didn't care enough to make a good impression. However, I wasn't there and am likely reading too much into it. I wouldn't fire a nanny over this, but I think it would upset me a bit.

[Deleted User] · January 2013

robinsokj:
The coming late would bother me way more than the sleeping

Yup this. What were your expressed expectations of her when the baby napped though? I presume you set something up when she was hired.

jlw2505 · January 2013

Day 1 and 40 mins late. Unless she has a really good reason, she would not be having a day 2. Being late is not acceptable to me. As far as sleeping, if the baby was asleep and she has no other things that she has to do for you, that is fine as long as she gets right up at any sound. The being 40 mins late thing bothers me way more. If I was home with just my baby and she was napping, I would nap as well unless I had other things that had to get done.

missmuffin87 · January 2013

I nanny for a boy while I'm also watching my 2yo. I have their schedules arranged so they nap at the same time so I can eat lunch and nap or do school work, etc. But I am always there on time and I've been working for them for a while.

So 1st day and late is weird, but napping when the baby naps is totally acceptable. What else is she going to do really? She's not your maid so it's not like you should expect her to be up vacuuming or something.

EastCoastBride · January 2013

RondackHiker:
I wouldn't fire a nanny over this,

I wouldn't fire over this either, but it would put me on "alert", quite honestly.

How long was the OP gone? Was there other stuff she could have been doing - or did she DO everything else already (like clean the kitchen after the kids meal... that kind of thing)?

We had a nanny for awhile who would sleep - but DH came home once to her asleep, but all of the lunch stuff was still sitting out. We had to tell her "it's fine to nap when DS is napping, but you need to put his food away first and clean up!". To me, this shoudl be a no brainer!

If there was nothing else for the nanny to do, maybe I wouldn't be as annoyed. But still. I just feel like it's your first day and you're late - you try to put out some kind of image of being proactive and busy when the mom gets home!!

Smootchy · January 2013

if this was someone who worked with us for years and I came home to a house that was completely in order, kids sleeping and her napping as well. I wouldn't care. Would probably even tip toe around to let her finish sleeping...

But first day on the job, late & sleeping when I came home... That's 2 big strikes on the first day. Like, because it was the first day, that's her 3rd strike and she'd be out IMO

PunkyBooster · January 2013

I did not mind if our nanny snoozed if DS was napping. Especially if she was tired or had a headache.

Now, if she were 40 minutes late, we would be having a discussion.

I also think it was months before she ever took a nap with him. Generally his naptimes were her time to clean up and plan their afternoon activity. She'd also catch up on emails or read her Nook. None of that bothered me either.

ENI36 · January 2013

I was gone for about two hours. The baby was in the same room as her. I guess it's not that I'm worried about his safety, it just rubbed me the wrong way. Like a couple people said, if it was someone who had worked with us for a little while it would feel different. But 40 minutes late and napping on our couch when I barely know her feels a little weird. And like someone else said, I would feel weird just grabbing a blanket and crashing on someone else's couch the first day on the job.

ENI36 · January 2013

Oh and she didn't offer any reason for why she was late and no apology either.

EastCoastBride · January 2013

ENI36:
I would feel weird just grabbing a blanket and crashing on someone else's couch the first day on the job.

If I really were tired and wanted to nap - I would have found a relatively comfortable sitting position and put a book in my lap so that if I was "caught", I could at least have the image of "oh, oops, I guess I just dozed off....".

What was her reason for being late?

EastCoastBride · January 2013

ENI36:
Oh and she didn't offer any reason for why she was late and no apology either.

REALLY? You know.... I'd be real tempted to find someone else. I was imagining that she was at least apologetic about it even if she didn't have a good reason.

She would be on really, really, really thin ice.

RondackHiker · January 2013

ENI36:
Oh and she didn't offer any reason for why she was late and no apology either. nbsp;

Did you ask? Did she perhaps not know the correct time to arrive?

Late on the first day without an excuse or apology would be a deal breaker for me.

ENI36 · January 2013

RondackHiker:
ENI36:
Oh and she didn't offer any reason for why she was late and no apology either. nbsp;
Did you ask? Did she perhaps not know the correct time to arrive? Late on the first day without an excuse or apology would be a deal breaker for me.

She knew the correct time to arrive because she came for a couple hours yesterday so we could show her around the house and show her our routine. She confirmed the time as she was leaving.

ENI36 · January 2013

BostonKisses2:
robinsokj:
The coming late would bother me way more than the sleeping
Yep. I can see a few minutes (like up to 15 depending on traffic and whatnot), but 40 minutes is a lot. Did she at least call to let you know she would be late? I think you need to address that first.

No, she didn't call.

ENI36 · January 2013

fredalina:
EastCoastBride:
In general, no, I wouldn't care.But for the fact it's her FIRST day and she was 40 minutes late good reason??nbsp; I know if it were me and I knew the mom was going to be coming home "shortly", I would never have done that.nbsp; nbsp;
This. The first day should be a new employee's BEST behavior. It would bother me UNLESS she had to arrive at my home super early or something. If I asked her to be there at 5:30 and we went out at 7 for an hour, a nap wouldn't worry me. But a normal hour to arrive at like 8, with 40 minutes late and napping... not gonna fly.

She was supposed to be here at 7. The reason we hired her was to help me out because I have been dealing with very bad PPD/A since DS2 was born. DH is finally back at work for the first time in two months. He leaves for work at 5:45 am and is gone for 12 hours. Things are slowly improving but we wanted someone around to help me out with the transition. I still have some pretty rough days. So I just want someone reliable that I can count on and that I don't have to worry about.

RondackHiker · January 2013

It does not sound like she is te nanny for you, if you need someone you can count on.

I'm still trying to picture her arrival. Did you say anything about her being late? Is she there now? Can you ask now?

I might keep her on for a bit while you look for someone new. Was there any other stand out applicant when you hired her?

ENI36 · January 2013

RondackHiker:
It does not sound like she is te nanny for you, if you need someone you can count on. I'm still trying to picture her arrival. Did you say anything about her being late? Is she there now? Can you ask now? I might keep her on for a bit while you look for someone new. Was there any other stand out applicant when you hired her?

No, I didn't say anything about her being late yet. Ugh, I am so bad at confrontations, especially right now with this anxiety! She is here now. Yeah, I was thinking I'd give her until the end of the week and see if she arrives on time and makes a better impression. There weren't any other stand out options but we only interviewed one other person, so I'm sure there are plenty of other nannies out there. She just got great reviews and had five references listed and all of them said she was outstanding.

catycate · January 2013

I would be more pissed about the 40 minutes late than the nap, but the nap+ the 30 minutes late would certainly not impress me.

NatnDyl · January 2013

I would be pisssed at the 40 minutes late especially with no apology. I wouldn't worry about the napping, except its her first day. Since she had good references, I think I'd give it until the end of the week to decide. If you are having trouble with asserting yourself due to the PPA or whatevs, have your husband talk to her.

[Deleted User] · January 2013

ENI36:
RondackHiker:
It does not sound like she is te nanny for you, if you need someone you can count on. I'm still trying to picture her arrival. Did you say anything about her being late? Is she there now? Can you ask now? I might keep her on for a bit while you look for someone new. Was there any other stand out applicant when you hired her?
No, I didn't say anything about her being late yet. Ugh, I am so bad at confrontations, especially right now with this anxiety! She is here now. Yeah, I was thinking I'd give her until the end of the week and see if she arrives on time and makes a better impression. There weren't any other stand out options but we only interviewed one other person, so I'm sure there are plenty of other nannies out there. She just got great reviews and had five references listed and all of them said she was outstanding.

Confrontation = discussion. It doesn't mean a yelling screaming match. You have to talk to her about the tardiness. Otherwise, you are setting significantly LOW expectations about the nanny job you expect her to do in your house with your children. Please, do not set yourself up to be a door mat.

For the discussion, just simply say: "We need to talk about your arrival time today. I was expecting you to be here at 7, like we discussed. Can you tell me what happened? I thought we were clear on that, but if we weren't then let's resolve it now so that we are on the same page with our expectations."

Also, as far as the napping, I don't know what you had discussed previously so it's hard to judge on that. If you would prefer that she do something, then you need to make your expectations know about that too. If it's OK for her to do nothing, but you would prefer she be awake, that's fine. It just needs to be obvious to both of you guys what the expectations are.