What say ye, Parenting?

LoveBeingAWife33008

I asked someone the other day what their wife does.  His answer:  She is a stay at home mom.  Their youngest is 14!  I feel that when your kids are in school, you are no longer a stay at home mom since you aren't mothering all day.  At that point, you are a housewife with no job.

Am I wrong?

[Deleted User]

My mom SAH until I was through HS.  She volunteered at my schools, coached sports teams, etc.  Plus, there are activities & homework to deal with. 

If she wants to stay home, I don't see a problem with it.  As long as she isn't biitching to you about lacking money or something, I don't see why it's a big deal.

FrickandFrack

Yeah, that's a little odd.

FrickandFrack

sofamonkey:

My mom SAH until I was through HS.nbsp; She volunteered at my schools, coached sports teams, etc.nbsp; Plus, there are activities amp; homework to deal with.nbsp; If she wants to stay home, I don't see a problem with it.nbsp; As long as she isn't biitching to you about lacking money or something, I don't see why it's a big deal.

That's a good point. I didn't think about that.

Tigger & pooh

It depends on the person.  My brothers wife, yes she is just lazy and doesn't want to work.  But other people really are involved in a lot over other activities and take care of everything in the house. 

tarebear9891

I vote yes, still a stay at home mom. I notice that as my kids get older, in a way I only get busier. Extracurricular activities, school pick up/drop offs, school activities, etc. And I have only just started all that with my oldest being in one sport and pre k.

Littledeer84

My mom was sah until my youngest sibling was about 16. She kept busy, for sure. She also did have some extra time to volunteer and enjoy taking care of her horses. But after taking care of us for so long, I figure she deserves that. She started working part time after I left the house.

tumblefluff

gwinnygirl:

She could heavily involved in her children's extracurricular activities, doing volunteer work, and do the majority of the household management. So yes, I think to say she's just staying at home without a job could be oversimplifying her situation. 

This is my older sister and she's just added babysitting full-time to her schedule with my DS.  I don't know how she does it all with her own 4 kids & all the extra's they are involved in. 

Hesterlicious

My mom had 5 daughters. You would need to stay at home just to keep up with the towels.

shopgirl78

I am told there is a lot MORE to mothering a teenager than a toddler & even moreso to an adult child.   It was sad news for me.  

BoatsNHoes

sofamonkey:

My mom SAH until I was through HS.  She volunteered at my schools, coached sports teams, etc.  Plus, there are activities & homework to deal with. 

If she wants to stay home, I don't see a problem with it.  As long as she isn't biitching to you about lacking money or something, I don't see why it's a big deal.

this. Unless there is a financial need I will probably continue to SAH and do the same sorts of things. Plans can always change and that's a long way away, but H and I have always had this as a "goal" of sorts. 

Snapdragon750

As long as you still have kids living at home, you are still a stay-at-home mom.  You still have a family to cook for and clean up after, and you still have a whole family's worth of laundry to do.  If you really put effort into your home, this can easily be a full time job even without kids.  

There are people who "work" at an office all day and don't get anything done besides catching up on facebook, and there are moms who stay at home doing the same thing, but there's no reason to assume that a stay-at-home mom isn't busy just because her kids are at school all day.  I think a mom with 3 teenagers could easily be busier than I am with my one toddler. 

I know two moms whose kids are all out of the house.  One volunteers in the community, has many productive hobbies, and goes to several different workout classes.  The other sits on the couch all day and eats out several nights a week while whining that she wishes she had a roomba because she can think of better ways to spend her time than vacuuming her tiny condo.  I guess my point is that you can't judge a person's productivity based on whether or not they are working or have kids at home; I still consider the first woman a SAHM even though the kids aren't home, and the second one was lazy even when her kids were around.

gimmietimmies

Snapdragon750:

As long as you still have kids living at home, you are still a stay-at-home mom.  You still have a family to cook for and clean up after, and you still have a whole family's worth of laundry to do.  If you really put effort into your home, this can easily be a full time job even without kids.  

There are people who "work" at an office all day and don't get anything done besides catching up on facebook, and there are moms who stay at home doing the same thing, but there's no reason to assume that a stay-at-home mom isn't busy just because her kids are at school all day.  I think a mom with 3 teenagers could easily be busier than I am with my one toddler. 

I know two moms whose kids are all out of the house.  One volunteers in the community, has many productive hobbies, and goes to several different workout classes.  The other sits on the couch all day and eats out several nights a week while whining that she wishes she had a roomba because she can think of better ways to spend her time than vacuuming her tiny condo.  I guess my point is that you can't judge a person's productivity based on whether or not they are working or have kids at home; I still consider the first woman a SAHM even though the kids aren't home, and the second one was lazy even when her kids were around.

I know someone like this. Add in spending lots of time getting hair and nails done. And other like pursuits. IDC that she does, but it bothers me that she acts like a spoilt child about it, especially when her h works his rear end off and then does the running around with the kids. WTG, Peggy Bundy.

penguingrrl

I disagree that you're no longer a SAHM once all the kids are in elementary school. Many working parents I know find it much more difficult to work around a school schedule than a daycare schedule. And around here camps are so expensive that between days/weeks off during the year and summer camp there is no real savings as far as childcare once your kid is in school f/t.

But, once the youngest is in HS I tend to agree that you're somewhere between SAHM and housewife since the cost of childcare is no longer an issue. That said, I got into most of my trouble in HS while my mom was at work, not evenings and weekends when she was home to catch me, so I'm not sure you aren't parenting even a HSer.

mmdd20

sofamonkey:

My mom SAH until I was through HS.  She volunteered at my schools, coached sports teams, etc.  Plus, there are activities & homework to deal with. 

If she wants to stay home, I don't see a problem with it.  As long as she isn't biitching to you about lacking money or something, I don't see why it's a big deal.

 

This exactly. My mom stayed at home until after the youngest in our family graduated. She was very active at the high school, was a sports booster, volunteered, etc.

She went back to work part time for a couple years, then quit to stay home and watch my son after he was born. It is what works for my parents. 

 

ammare

I think having a teenager could definitely be a full time SAH job. The hours they are at school would be the time you get to do all the household things and after you would be helping them with their activities.  Add in a few hours a week of some time for yourself and you would have pretty full days.

 

Cheekers2010

gsteph88:

justAphase:

sofamonkey:

My mom SAH until I was through HS.nbsp; She volunteered at my schools, coached sports teams, etc.nbsp; Plus, there are activities amp; homework to deal with.nbsp; If she wants to stay home, I don't see a problem with it.nbsp; As long as she isn't biitching to you about lacking money or something, I don't see why it's a big deal.

This. My mother has never worked. Well, she worked at a stitching shop for a little bit when I was in high school. But she is still one of the hardest working ladies I know. I really don't see how it's any of your business, or your place to judge. Etf wording.

These ladies are wise. 

Indeed.  I don't jump in often, but I feel the need on this particular subject.  My mom was an amazing SAHM until both my sister and I graduated high school.  She is one of the most industrious and hardest working women I know.  I can only hope to emulate her.

And, FWIW, not all women want to work outside the home.  This doesn't make them lazy.  Why judge?

ridesbuttons

100% judgey....or is it jealousy?

Having no paycheque =/= you don't work

DS2 will be in JK next September, he'll be 4.  If I stayed at home, would that make me a "housewife"?  Hardly.

Plus, who cares how they choose to organize their lives.  If it works for them, great.

MrsCodeMonkey

My MIL tells people she eats bon bons all day as her occupation. There really isn't a good way to say it. I don't see why you're stuck on phrasing.

Suern9870

justAphase:

sofamonkey:

My mom SAH until I was through HS.nbsp; She volunteered at my schools, coached sports teams, etc.nbsp; Plus, there are activities amp; homework to deal with.nbsp; If she wants to stay home, I don't see a problem with it.nbsp; As long as she isn't biitching to you about lacking money or something, I don't see why it's a big deal.

This. My mother has never worked. Well, she worked at a stitching shop for a little bit when I was in high school. But she is still one of the hardest working ladies I know. I really don't see how it's any of your business, or your place to judge. Etf wording.

 

This.  "bigger kids, bigger problems".  I've heard this a thousand times, and I've been told moms are needed at home just as much when kids are teenagers as when they're infants/toddlers.  But why do you care?   Don't be a judge-y mom.

klondikebar

Things I did for my teen yesterday:

washed sports uniforms

ran to cake shop for supplies for sports banquet dessert

fixed exercise bike for her

waterproofed her new boots

There was probably a few other little things too. I have another in school fulltime and one partime. There are always things to do related to the children. Even if things aren't directly for the children, everything gets done while they are at school so afterschool time can be dedicated to pickups from afterschool activities, family dinner, homework and spending time together.

kcisthebombdotcom

Eh, with a teenager at home (and a young one at that) I think you'd still stay busy with after school activities, homework, drop offs and pick ups. I tentatively plan on SAH while my kids are in school (at least the first few years) and I'm sure I will stay busy with chaperoning field trips, volunteering in their classrooms, taking them to activities after school, etc.

I think when your kids are away at college, then you can make the argument that you're a housewife vs SAHM. I'd only judge if the guy couldn't afford to be a one income family and was constantly complaining how broke they were.

catycate

I think that older kids are even more time consuming then toddlers- extracurriculars, jobs, etc. Plus, it is probably helpful to have someone home to keep an eye on them, friends, etc. And sick days, school vacations all need childcare, as well.

FWIW, I don't plan on working full time ever again. DH likes me staying at home bc I make his work life much easier and I plan on being involved with my kids school life.

mom2pottamus

I don't anticipate going back to work unless we financially need it even when the kids are in school.

Here's the thing--if a woman chooses to do zero with her time when her kids are in school after staying home with them, more power to her.  Personally I couldn't be idle it would drive me nuts, but after staying home with kids and trying to keep up a house and everything else I think I deserve some down time.  This job never stops and I look forward to when they are in school to schedule some things to take care of myself that I can't do now.

LilyRose28

I'd SAH while my kids were in school if I could afford to. DH would be on board but it's most likely not in the cards for us. I still plan on initially only working PT while my kids are in elementary school if I can so I can have more flexibility. 

MJHershey

I kinda agree, but it's probably a good idea to be home in the afternoon when you have teenagers.

mom2pottamus

Also, kids have off in the summer.  So even if they are school age you need to consider having to pay over the summer for camps/clubs/etc and transportation to these things if you don't have a parent at home.

PunkyBooster

gwinnygirl:

She could heavily involved in her children's extracurricular activities, doing volunteer work, and do the majority of the household management. So yes, I think to say she's just staying at home without a job could be oversimplifying her situation. 

This. I have 2 neighbors who SAH to kids who are in 5th grade and older. They are constantly running around nonstop! Between pick ups, sports, carpools, PTA meetings, etc.  

jorkz821

EllaHella:

What do I say?nbsp; Doesn't matter.nbsp; It's their family, their choice.nbsp;
MYOB.

I was just going to write this exact thought.

Singingmama

I am fully aware that as a working parent, my life is only going to get more hectic and difficult as DD gets older. Until she's old enough to drive herself or have friends drive her to events and practices, I'll not only have to work, help keep up our household, cook, etc., I'll also have to play driver to a child who I believe is going to end up being incredibly active. If I was a stay at home mom, I'd probably find a part time job while my child was in school, but that's only because my husband's career never allow him to make enough money to the point where extra income isn't needed.

RayRay007

To me, stay at home mom implies that you are mothering all day. When your kids are in school, you may be busy with housework, volunteer activities, etc., but you aren't caring for children [eta: directly]. I would say that "housewife with no job" is a little ignorant, but I think stay at home mom is misleading.

RayRay007

EllaHella:

Semantics, ladies. 

Go up to a mom of a teenager and tell her she isn't caring for her children.

Agree, it's just semantics.

ridesbuttons

HilarityEnsued:

EllaHella:

Semantics, ladies. 

Go up to a mom of a teenager and tell her she isn't caring for her children.

I was going to point out earlier that is this all a freaking semantics debate.  Being a mom is a lifelong position.  Obviously the duties and responsibilities change from year to year, but you're arguing over semantics.

You know, even if it does turn out to be 'easy' and the mom gets to have some legitimate time to herself, she's earned it.

outnumbered

LoveBeingAWife33008:

I asked someone the other day what their wife does.  His answer:  She is a stay at home mom.  Their youngest is 14!  I feel that when your kids are in school, you are no longer a stay at home mom since you aren't mothering all day.  At that point, you are a housewife with no job.

Am I wrong?

You are wrong.  I would say the mother of teenagers is doing more parenting than the mother of a toddler and a baby.  Changing diapers and redirecting a two year old is the easy stuff.  Guiding a teenager into adulthood is the hard part of parenting.  

When my kids are teenagers they will be in three different schools that start at three different times, all done by 2:30, and then heading out to three different activities.  I might not be wiping their ass anymore, but I will definitely still be parenting.

RayRay007

EllaHella:

RayRay007:

EllaHella:

Semantics, ladies. 

Go up to a mom of a teenager and tell her she isn't caring for her children.

Agree, it's just semantics.

I was referring to your comment. 

RayRay007:

To me, stay at home mom implies that you are mothering all day. When your kids are in school, you may be busy with housework, volunteer activities, etc., but you aren't caring for children [eta: directly]. I would say that "housewife with no job" is a little ignorant, but I think stay at home mom is misleading.

I know. That's why I said "to me" it "implies", but it is just about word choice and semantics. I should have said that at the end of my post in the first place.

klondikebar

All of my kids are at school right now. I am a SAHW. After I pick DS2 up from preschool at noon, I shall put my SAHM hat back on.

outnumbered

RayRay007:

To me, stay at home mom implies that you are mothering all day. When your kids are in school, you may be busy with housework, volunteer activities, etc., but you aren't caring for children [eta: directly]. I would say that "housewife with no job" is a little ignorant, but I think stay at home mom is misleading.

But isn't that stuff all part of caring for your children?  My friend has teenagers.  She is at home.  She runs (with the help of other 'housewives with no jobs') the girl scout program in our town.  That programs services at least 300 girls.  It takes up a lot of her time and she is not paid.  Is what she does not part of parenting?   It provides her daughter with an enriching experience.

JerseyMa27

That's a housewife. I'm not saying anything negative about that....but that's a wife, who stays home and does not work.

Tending to bills and housework is part of life. We all do it, whether we work for cash or are a SAHM.

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

outnumbered

JerseyMa27:

That's a housewife. I'm not saying anything negative about that....but that's a wife, who stays home and does not work.

Tending to bills and housework is part of life. We all do it, whether we work for cash or are a SAHM.

So when a working mom kids becomes teenager she is not a working mom anymore, she is just a worker or a working housewife? 

JerseyMa27

outnumbered:

JerseyMa27:

That's a housewife. I'm not saying anything negative about that....but that's a wife, who stays home and does not work.

Tending to bills and housework is part of life. We all do it, whether we work for cash or are a SAHM.

So when a working mom kids becomes teenager she is not a working mom anymore, she is just a worker or a working housewife?