Experience with CPS adoption of family
Hi I hope this question is welcomed here I don't have many resources to get answers for this question and I am also not really sure anyone here can relate but thought it is worth a shot.
Without getting into to many details my DH's sister has made a lifetime of bad decisions and now has had her children taken from her by CPS. The 2 younger girls are with a foster family and the older two children are with grandparents. It has been about a year since they have been in the system and going through court but it has been pretty much decided that the two younger girls are going to be adopted out.
I have been given very little reliable information regarding the process since most of it is coming from my DH's sister directly. But my husband and I are looking at the possibility of adopting the girls. I was wondering if anyone has experience with this sort of situation.
Do you know how long the process takes? If the girls are already in foster care and those foster parents show interest do they get preference? What kind of "rules" will be placed on our family if we adopt them (ie: going to meetings, home visits, are we allowed to move)? Will we need to sever ties with family who still associates with their parents (since i am assuming they won't be aloud to see them)?
I have many more questions but I think you all get the idea. Any information at all will be helpful I really am going on nothing and this is a huge decision for our family to make obviously.
Thanks in advance!
Re: Experience with CPS adoption of family
Welcome.... We have a couple of members of this board that may be able to help...
I'll send one a FB message to tell her to check this board
You make very good points. We just learned this weekend that their parental rights were going to be terminated so this is all just thinking outloud right now. I have no idea at this point what is best for the girls and that is what we are all trying to figure out. From the viewpoint of my SIL (which is obviously skewed) the foster family is not a good one. This is their 2nd foster family in the year so they have been with them about 6 months.
I am not really worried about the spanking but that is an interesting point. And the timeframe is surprising as I thought it would take much longer. Do you have any idea how long we get to express interest once the parental rights are terminated? Or would we need to do that before? Their court hearing is in Feb.
Thank you for all the information. I think my husband is working on contacting the caseworker and gathering information as well.
I wasn't sure whether visitation would be allowed as I was told they were severing their parental rights. (this is a case regarding sexual abuse if that makes a difference)
I have not fostered or adopted from foster care, but I have adopted children who were neglected/abandoned/abused.
I agree with Spooko about taking what your SIL says about the foster family with a grain of salt. I have heard of tons of cases where the biological mother/parents try to make the foster parents look like unfit parents. It often goes in a pattern from being really grateful and appreciative of the foster parents to trying to make a case that they aren't acting in the child's best interest/are unfit, and sometimes it cycles back around. It's understandable, when you take into account that they go from thinking the foster family is doing them a favor by taking care of their children while they get clean/become able to parent to realizing that they may loose their rights to their children...and may be "replaced" by this second family.
Another thing I'd like to caution you about is that it sounds like these children will have severe issues/trauma that they need to work through. If this is something you are really thinking about, you should do some research into raising hurt children. You'll need to be aware of how their behavior/emotions differ from typical children and what techniques may best help you to parent them. The children are likely to have a rough adjustment and will have to work through the abuse they've suffered, and it will be your job to help them do that. Foster families are required to have at least some training about this topic, and I think if you are really considering taking in these kids, you should have at least some understanding of what you would be taking on. I can give you a list of books on this topic if you'd like.
I'm a foster parent and I agree with all of the advice that has been given to you so far. I don't have much to add except I wanted to ditto the above advice. Even with the training that I received in order to be a licensed foster parent, I don't feel like I was fully prepared for parenting a hurt child. We figured it out through much more research, support of therapists, social workers and fellow foster parents. But I just want to make sure you are considering if you are ready for this challenge and what type of support system you have available (or how you could find that support system).
I do not mean to scare you. It is definitely do-able, as evident by many people on this board. But you just need to make sure your expectations are set appropriately.
I am definitely thankful for all the comments. It is worrying me a little that we aren't prepared. We only have one child who is 15 months old and I worry that we won't be able to dedicate the time needed for each of them. Some of these things I hadn't really even considered. I thought that with the girls being family they would be much happier with us but now I am wondering if that would even be the case. I do want to make sure the foster parents have their best interest but I this point I am feeling that they would be much better equipped to deal with the situation.
I hadn't noticed your ticker when I first responded. Look, I don't want to talk you out of anything if you really think this is what's best and want to love and raise these children as your own, but I think preserving birth order in adoption is a much bigger concern than it initially appears.
Adoption/foster professionals often cite jealousy and the child's understanding of how they fit into the home as a reason for preserving birth order, but there's often a much bigger side to it. Children who have suffered trauma often act out those types of behaviors on younger children around them. This can happen even if they are getting all the emotional and psychological help they need; it's often part of their process as they learn to cope with what happened to them/what they witnessed. With that in mind, I personally would not feel confident bringing these girls into your home unless you know that you could always supervise them when they are with your younger child.
I work for CPS in the foster care unit in Louisiana
I don't know how it is in your state, but I can tell you how it is here. We normally give parents a year to get it together. If they start to show progress then that can be extended. But at 1 year we can begin the process of changing the goal of reunification to adoption. A lot of it depends on how long they have been with the current foster parents, if the foster parents want to adopt them, if the kids are bonded to the foster parents, and what's in the best interest of the kids. It's always the state's desire to see children reunited with their parents, but when that cannot happen they usually want to put them with family members. If you are interested in the children I would contact the social worker and tell her your intentions. It's always nice to have a backup plan. Good luck!
I totally agree with this, and I'm so glad someone said this. It almost never fails that a parent has a problem with the foster parents, no matter how wonderful they are. I guess it's a defense mechanism, but it happens all the time. Sometimes they feel that the foster parents are "trying to steal" their kids if they treat them well.
As someone who currently has custody of a relative, I have to ask you this, and it may sound harsh. But it is something I think about often and am afraid may happen in our case.
Why now? Why did you not step forward to take the children when they were taken from your sister? That would have prevented the children from being put into a foster home they didn't know, and it would have ensured they didn't have to transition to the foster home and then a year later into your home.
CPS may very well ask you this same question, so be prepared (they just asked my foster child's grandmother this, because she is trying to force us to let her have Maddy whenever she wants her, yet she chose not to be Maddy's legal guardian).
I am afraid that after all the effort (physical, emotional, financial) that we have put into this child, her aunt or uncle (who have made no effort to contact us) will try to adopt her if her parents' rights are terminated.
5/10 - Gideon 6/12 Warren
4/11 Started adoption process for 2 siblings through DCF. 10/12 Found out we are licensed! 12/14 Brought 3 week old identical twin girls home from the hospital. Could be at least until Summer 1015 til we know if they are forever ours
You have a lot of great responses, so I won't duplicate responses here. I am a CPS worker and am adopting two boys from foster care. If you pursue your neices, it will not be an easy road, but may be very rewarding if it works out.
As others said, if you show interest and it fails, it could be devastating for everyone. Keep calling CPS, and send certified mail. I wonder if you could at least get background checks done to be a visiting resource. Even if you decide they can't live with you, they may still benefit from a caring relative taking a consistent, active role in their life.
It may be good for you and DH to go to counseling about it before you make a decision. Especially when it is family, it brings up a lot of anger, guilt, resentment at the family members, at CPS, etc.
Best of luck to you and your family. Feel free to keep posting questions.
That is a good question. We (as well as our BIL) tried to step forward in the beginning but no one would return our phone calls. Now we are stepping forward again because we thought this was all temporary and that the children would be returned to my SIL.
Thanks for the advice. I really do appreciate all the information. Because of the questions that everyone has posed it has allowed us to realize that we don't know if we are truly qualified and question whether it is really what is best. I am pretty sure the foster family wants to adopt the girls from what I have heard. We have made a call to CPS and the caseworker is supposed to be calling us back.
We have decided that our next step is to try to get set up to visit and see if we can meet the family and make sure they are happy and well cared for there before we try to pursue anything.
Thanks again to everyone!
Just because you aren't prepared now doesn't mean that you couldn't become prepared before you get the girls. Or even become prepared when you have the girls- this is what we had to do with our foster sons. But I think the most important part is to realize that there will be work to do. And you and your DH just need to figure out if you guys are comfortable handling that. Again, I don't want to scare you or deter you, but just wanted to be honest that there is the potential that these girls are very hurt from the abuse and multiple moves and will need a different kind of parenting than other children.
And I just want to ditto this!
Hang in there and let us know if you have any other questions!
Thank you for saying this. I was trying to get at the same thing, and didn't know how to word it. This isn't about being "qualified" to take the girls. It's just important to understand that they have special needs now and knowing that in order to do the best thing for them 1) the number of moves has to be seriously considered (they are hopefully attaching to and loving this foster family as their own); and 2) if you do want to have a strong presence in their lives (even as an aunt/uncle), it's important to realize that they will react better to certain attachment/discipline techniques which may be quite a bit different than what you may be used to.