Tough day

HullGut

 On my way to work I started thinking about my trip to London last year. I was in my first trimester and had so much joyful hope. That was dangerous to think about on my way to work, because my grief took over. I just wanted my baby so bad.  By the time I got to work my eyes filled with tears, but I thought I could push through. I'm a teacher and I knew I couldn't face my students with soggy eyes. My best friend works at my school so I went to see her and fell apart. I started sobbing, I haven't cried like that in weeks. I ended up coming home because I just couldn't get past it. I came home and wrote and I feel a bit better but today the pain is just so raw. It feels like the early days again. Does anyone else have days like this that sneak up on them?

lolee465

((hugs)) I'm sorry you're having a bad day, but I'm glad you were able to go home. I have days like that all the time and they seem to hit me when I least expect it.

fluttergirlmoonchild79

Sorry to hear you're having bad day.  I hate to say this but I'm over a year out and I still have bad days that seem to come out of nowhere.  No triggers, nothing.  They just happen.  Just go with it and do what you have to do to get through it and hope tomorrow is a better day.  It's ok.   {{HUGS}}

jess123456

Hugs to you. Yes, I understand what you mean when sometimes it just completely takes over and it brings you back to those first few days. Please know that you aren't alone in feeling this way. I had a complete meltdown this weekend at my friends birthday party and spent a good portion of it hiding in the bathroom trying to hold back the tears because I felt guilty about it. I find that if I can prepare myself for triggers then I have more control of them but sometimes things just happen and I am completely taken back to the rawness of those first few days after my daughter past.

I am so glad that writing has helped you. Do what you need to do for yourself today. If that means sitting on the couch watching cheesy television, do it.  Please know that we are always here for you.

Bayberry12

I am so sorry you are having a rough day.  It's been over 9 months for me and these raw emotions still come out of nowhere.  It's an overwhelming sadness that I always have with me, and sometimes I just can't keep it inside any longer.  

I'm glad that you had a friend at work and that you were able to go home. 

meli1025

**Ticker warning**

 

I'm so sorry you're having a tough day.  This does happen to me and actually just happened this weekend.  I was at my mom's house and we were all just talking about how we're looking forward to spring...and someone said something about having only 6-8 more weeks of really cold weather left and I just thought to myself how Ava was supposed to be here in three weeks and I was supposed to be home with her on maternity leave until memorial day weekend.  I pictured my sweet little girl in cute spring/summer dresses at such a cute age and I just lost it.  It's not fair that any of us have to be going through this.  I don't think this pain will ever go away.  I can handle it better on some days but you're right about it just feeling so raw again out of nowhere.  I cried a lot this weekend.  ((HUGS))

tuscanbride2007

I am sorry that you are having a bad day. I agree with all PP's in that sometimes things come out of nowhere. I felt like I was getting better, but now that DD's angelversary is less than 2 months away, I feel like I am also falling apart and more things trigger me.

I am happy to hear that your friend was there to lean on. Sometimes that can make a world of difference.

((HUGE HUGS))

OSUWifey09

I'm so sorry you had a tough day. I had a sobbing fest last night while I was driving home yesterday...just came out of the blue. I still have those days when one little thing can set me off, and I'm sure it'll be that way for awhile. I'm glad you had someone at work who could be your shoulder to lean on. *hugs*

HullGut

Thank you so much ladies. Your gentle and kind posts really comfort me. I am home, watching Full house (pretty cheesy i know) on tv with my Dog and an electric blanket. 

Bayberry12

HullGut:

Thank you so much ladies. Your gentle and kind posts really comfort me. I am home, watching Full house (pretty cheesy i know) on tv with my Dog and an electric blanket. 

I think that sounds like a great way to spend the day today.   

lrichmond86

**ticker warning**

 

I'm sorry you had a difficult day.  I'm over a year out and occasionally I still have days when I feel like I did in the days following our loss.  I wish that I could say that time will heal all wounds, but I don't think that's true when you've lost a child.  I will say that my bad days are usually set off by a trigger now... a song on the radio or a story of about a friends baby, something like that... and as time has gone on they've become fewer and farther between.  That doesn't mean that when I do feel them, they don't hurt just as much as they ever did.  We'll never love our babies less than we did on the day they were born.  We'll never stop missing them.  I hope that your time at home did you some good today.  Sending my t&p for you tonight!