Selfishness or Selfcenterness or just lazy...I still have to clean up poo
Ilumine
member
So our West Highland Terrier is getting old. She is having control issues. We are extra vigilant in feeding her really early at night and letting her out three to four times before bed at 9:30 pm. But there are still accidents.
I guess there was an accident last night/early this morning. Right infrot of our bedroom - where the laundry alcove is (yeah...stupid house layout).
SS left his clothes in the dryer last night. SS stepped in the poop at 5am this mornhing. SS tracked poop all the way down to his room. SS did not clean up the poop, but DID clean up his shoes.
Poop did not get cleaned up until 5:45 when DH woke up,who woke ME up because he could not find the carpet cleaner.
When asked why he didnt clean up the poop, SS replies "Well, I didnt want to turnon the lights and really its no my dog so why should I clean it up?"
My response, because the ground in poo is now dried and caked and ground in, was not pleasant at all.
"First, the dog IS YOURS. Your mother bought that dog for you, which YOU had as YOUR dog for 5 years before she left your father for another man and left YOUR dog behind so she wouldnt have to take care of it.
Second, its called being a grown as adult. YOU MAKE THE MESS, YOU CLEAN IT UP. If you cannot even be trusted to clean up a little bit of poop that YOU track all over the place, why should we believe that you will be trusted with a car."
I reiterated to DH that SS is not to be added onto OUR car insurance if he (DH) does get the idea to "help SS out" after all. Then I went and steamcleaned my carpets.
ANd let me tell you, I WOULD have left the cleaning to the boy, but he left TONS of poop all over my house and it could not wait till he got home from school. DH has him on poop clean up duty outside for the next week instead. That should be a fun week's worth of whinning.
Re: Selfishness or Selfcenterness or just lazy...I still have to clean up poo
There's a med, proin, that helps older female dogs with urinary issues. Otherwise, I'd gate her in a bathroom with pee pads. No advice about the SS stuff, but hope doggy advice helps.
I would be frustrated too. Not at SS but at your H who Should be able to figure out how to clean up carpet. I wouldn't expect SS to have time to clean the carpets before school. I know that makes me late to work when One of my dogs has an issue like that.
I would not expect a teen in his way to school to have cleaned it but I surely would have expected him to tell a parent and ask for help, not to just clean his shoe and keep his mouth shut. And I don't care whose dog it is, if you stepped in someone else's do poop outside I still don't expect you to leave it on the carpet because it is not your dog.
I assumed Illumine did not say that to SS, I sure would hope not.
I hope that wasn't really said either. If so, Illiumine, that was way way out of line. I understand being frustrated but bringing up something that I'm assuming is already painful to him just to 'dig' at him is really awful.
IMO, I would have totally expected a teen to start cleaning up the poo. Maybe if time was short, I would have expected them to come and ask for help, but at least take the initiative to start cleaning it up. To not only just leave it, but to track it through the house is totally unacceptable IMO. My 8 and 7 year old SDs maybe wouldn't think to clean up animal poo if they stumbled upon it before we did, but they certainly wouldn't track it through the house and if they accidently did, I know they would be trying to clean it up.
before my dog died last month, we had plenty of poop accidents. I have had this dog longer then the 4 SKs have been alive. they are 13, 12, 10 and 8. this was not THEIR dog, this was MY dog. but guess what, if one of them got up before me and there was poop on the floor, they cleaned it up, let her outside and waited to help her back in the house. toward the end, this was a several times a day occurance.
if they can show that kind of compassion to a dog that isn't theirs, even when they were getting ready for school, your SS can do the same. and don't get me started on your husband. mine would get up several times a night to help her get up every time she whined. he is a light sleeper and he would jump out of bed to help her, usually before I even realized what was going on.
long story short, I call it all of the above, but mostly lazy! your SS and your DH know you will take care of it, so why should they be bothered.
Ditto this. I've said some harsh things to SS and SD, but I never brought their mothers into it.
I own the remark.
I wont try to defend myself, but I will explain. SS has always ALWAYS defered to doing anything in our house because it is not HIS. Not his dog, not his mess, not his yard, not his choice to have DD (this was in regards to last week's adventure in pissiness when DD was playing in her room too loudly and interrupting his gaming time.), not his responsiblity to do any dishes (including any of his dirty dishes0 OTHER than the dinner dishes because that is not part of his chore.
So at 6am this morning, when I am lugging out a steam cleaner to clean up the crap that HE smeared INTO (teen boy shoes are not delicate things) and all I get as he is trying to leave the house and the clean up duty is that it is NOT HIS DOG, I snapped.
I firmly believe that one of SS's (and SD to some extent) problems with life is that he has no concept of the truth of his life. BM lied and DH allowed it. This is just one example of how BM has lied or misrepresented the truth, she always told SS that DH kept the dog. Well no, BM's boyfriend did not want the dog, so she left it when she took SS (notice she did not take SD?).
I cannot even get SS to let the dogs out at night because he was led to believe by BM that DH kept the dog from him, therefore he will nto do a damn thing for DH (or me) to help out now.
That not cleaning up the poop is a direct result of BM's manipulation and alienation. And damn it, I dont think I have to take the brunt of this crap (pun intended) and attitude and laziness and selfishness and selfcenteredness because of BM's lies anymore.
DONE. WITH. BEING. CRAPPED. ON. BECAUSE. OF. BM. MISREPRESNTATION OF FACT.
That is all for now. Take some time out for yourself.
That being said, he is a child and YOU are an adult. Regardless of what his mother did, or who lied about what, etc, YOU have to stay the adult. It is your responsibility to be mature enough to leave his mother's shortcomings out of your argument. You could have stopped at "Your mother bought the dog for you". Instead, you chose to be childish and bring up the rest about his mother. Trust me, he'll remember that, and aside from hurting him, you've just given him his next round of ammunition.
All of this. And also, if someone else posted this, you would agree its not right.
I think you're right. This was a snap. It happens. I can't even say I blame you. And in the given situation with all he puts you through, I can't say I wouldn't have said something similar. Right or wrong, it's done.
Something to consider, is that SS will not see this truth. You could present it to him with undeniable proof and he would still balk and refuse to accept it. And as a previous poster said, you will have only just given him his next round of ammunition to throw at you when he gets angry. Who knows how he will turn it on you.
I see where you're at. My question is where do you go from here? You're in my thoughts.
^^ All of this.
Illumine, I have a;ways respected your input and opinions. I may not always agree with what you say, but there have been several instances where your input has made me step back and really think about things.
You snapped. We all do. Bio-parents, Step-parents, grandparents, at some point everyone hits their breaking point. It happens. Considering the bull crap SS pulled awhile back with the whole, "You get this because you put out", I'm amazed you didn't get to your breaking point sooner.
You can't change what has already happened and what has been said. Apologize for the comment, reprimand SS for his attitude and lack of responsibility/action and move on. Give yourself a break, you of all people deserve it.
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First: doggie diapers. No more accidental poop on floors, and not accidental tracking of said poop.
Second: did you actually speak to the kid like that? Hmmm. Because what you wrote was downright mean and totally unproductive; more likely to create new problems than solve existing one.
Third: after all that you still didn't enforce any sort of immediate consequence or make him follow through and clean up his mess.
Yes, I am being critical.