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Two Under 2
I hate my life
This was so wrong to have 2u2 but I am 35 and was very worried to not be able to have a 2nd healthy lo. Now, life just sucks for a while.
DH is out of work and SAHD. I am on mat leave and he can't stand thinking about my going back to work. He is now b&moaning all the time and makes me in the most sour of moods. We are in a 1 bdr apt so all 4 of us share the one bedroom. DH can't find a job and to consider going into another field means going back to school but he doesn't know what he would want to study anyway.
We have 2 highly sensitive sons. Our 20 month is extremely high energy, won't play by himself, doesn't eat well, is very defiant no matter how many time-outs we give him and in general acts very spoiled. Our 2 month won't sleep a wink despite how quiet we manage to get the house, how many sleep tips I attempt, or routines I try.
I feel like I am doing "this" all wrong. I imagined this time of my life to be so different than it is. Now, I just wish I was single and alone again.
Don't even ask about family or friends... we are in an isolated area and neither of us have any friends. Our families clash and don't get along so they just cause tension too.
Ugh... Calgon, take it away!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I hate my life
Family of 7 here with 2u2. We live in a 4 bedroom house. Both LOs are in our room until some one moves out.
You have to make it work because this is your life now. No excuses. You just do it because it has to be done.
1) I would urge DH to apply to every job out there no matter his field or not. He should be attempting to support his boys as well. Is he collecting unemployment at least? If not, urge him to do anything, drive a school bus, work at wal-mart - anything.
2) I would talk to your doc. You may need some help for PPD. I know that you are not loving your situation right now, but being able to do the best for you and your boys is what matters most right now.
3) I would recomeend getting out of the house. Taking the boys to storytime, babywear DS2 and go walk the mall (or a track if it is warm enough). Just get out away from the constant of DS1 and DH.
Good Luck!
So....I understand you are having a hard time.
But maybe take some time and count your blessings. There are many people who would love to have 2u2 and can't even have one. We all makes decisions and choices. If you don't like how your's turned out, sorry, but you have to deal with it and make the best of it. At least for your kids' sake. They will sense your unhappiness. Not to mention your DH will as well.
Hang in there!
I understand feeling overwhelmed and wishing for your old life on occasion, but if you feel this way all the time, I'd definitely talk to someone about the possibility of PPD. Small living quarters do make it tough with kids (we're currently in a 2BR townhouse and share a room with our baby and I'm counting down the days til we buy a bigger house....but then I know I'll miss her!)
BUT there are some things you have to realize/do:
1) your DH - he may very well be depressed too. A new baby affects everyone in the family. He should consider talking to a dr about this. If you can't afford a psychiatrist, many PCP are knowledgable enough to start treatment for depression. If he's not depressed, he needs to get over himsefl. Maybe he doesn't WANT to be a SAHD, but he IS, and he needs to make the most of it.
2) Your 20mo son - talk to his pedi about his behavior. Pedi may have suggestions based on his development/personality that you can incorporate into dealing with him. Moreover, and I really, truly, don't mean this as an insult, but if he's surrounded by negativity and self-indulgent "woe is me" attitudes, that may be affecting him and rubbing off on him.
3) Your 2mo - may still be adjusting to life outside the womb, may still need to be held a lot, may need noise to sleep, believe it or not. when my youngest was newborn she was so used to the noise in our house that if we made it quiet, it startled her and she couldn't rest peacefully.
I know you're having desperate feelings and I'm sure you love your LOs. You have to find a way to work the positives in your situation.
It sounds like you are all on top of each other. Toddlers need exercise. My 2 year old son needs to get out and RUN every day. This means bundling up big time at this time of year and just hitting the playground. Or we go to the mall or somewhere indoors. But you cannot be hermits in a 1 br apartment with a toddler and function.
Try to get out of the house every day. Try to make time for yourselves alone too so that you aren't sick of each other or resenting each other. Since you are both home full time right now, maybe alternate days (you go out for coffee/shopping/just to get away on T/Th and he goes M/F).. Something like that.
I found having a winter baby was harder. My son was born in November and my DD was 16 months old. It was a hard winter because I always felt very cooped up. I found that on days I got out and went to the gym, on a long walk (even in the cold), or had an afternoon solo it really recharged my batteries.
Lastly, if you think you are suffering from PPD you need to see a doctor. There is no shame in that but it can get very bad and dangerous if left untreated.
Married 6/28/03
Kate ~ 7/3/09 *** Connor ~ 11/11/10
4 miscarriages: 2007, 2009, 2013, 2014
*~*~*~*~*
No more TTC for us. We are done, and at peace, as a family of 4.
"Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.” — Charles Dickens
I agree with all of this.
My H was home while I was on ML and some days it really sucked. While it was nice to have him to help it was really hard not being in each other's way.
You both probably need individual and couples counselling but it's expensive and time consuming. If it's not an option for you through your health care try to find a church or county program.
It's ok to throw yourself a pity party sometimes - go out, get a cup of coffee, take some deep breaths and tell yourself "it won't always be like this" because it won't. It'll get better and more manageable soon.
Yeah I agree 20 months is a bit young for time out to work. But seriously, if you need other ideas on dealing with your son, your pedi should have some advice.
The biggest thing to help my kids at that age is diversion. I know it can be hard to do when there's a baby to take care of, but redirecting your son when he misbehaves will probably get better results than time out.
I do think it's good to introduce the concept of time out early on, so that they're familiar with it when they're old enough to understand that they have misbehaved. I started out just holding the kid on my lap for a minute, until they're old enough to understand that they need to sit still. (Still waiting for my second daughter to really get it.)
I agree with others that getting out of the house and giving your older son room to run will be beneficial. Best of luck!
Your DH needs to suck it up, take a paying job and get on with it.
Timeouts aren't terribly effective with the under 2 crowd. Redirect.
Get out of the apartment every day. Every day. Go to a park, a mall, a big box store to get some of the energy out.
Time to make friends. Coworkers, moms at daycare, whatever. You cannot exist without some support outside of your H.
It's hard enough when things are clicking. When nothing is clicking I am sure dispair will come into play. Pick something you have some control over and take control.
Agreed.