Single Parents
Expecting, to live with BD or not
I'm 6 months pg. I've been on an on and off relationship with BD for about a year now. It's been on and off because I feel he is insecure and was trying to rush the relationship, so I felt I needed space to try to slow it down and really figure out if that is what I wanted. When we spend time together he is great to me and it's the kind of relationship I want but when we are apart during the week and if i can't see him on the weekend (we live about 2 hrs from each other), he flips and makes me feel guilty by making over dramatic comments. He has not been working (but he's been trying to get a job) and I do work and have a pretty busy schedule and live by myself. Right before I got pregnant, we were seeing each other every weekend and spending as much time possible together. The first time after that i told him i couldn't see him, he insisted on seeing me, called me non stop that day, messaged me just shy of 100 text messages that day,(this was before i was also right before i found out i was pg). Similar scenarios happened often. I'm not comfortable with him spending the night with me every weekend even though i am pg,but when I tell him i don't want him to, he makes a big deal about it and I give in. He wants to move in together before I give birth, seems to want to make all decisions about our baby and this worries me. He gets upset that i go to my dr's appts without him, but i do let him let him go to ultrasounds. He makes me feel I am selfish and says I'm not thinking about our child for not moving things along with him. I want BD in baby's life but i get a strange gut feeling, he's just too pushy and persistent for me. This is why I tend to try to keep a distance at times. During our off times, I have felt scared because of his non stop calling, messages, uninvited visits, there's more. I believe someone pointed out to him to stop acting that way because, during our off time, he was looking into getting a lawyer to keep my baby the most he could as soon as my baby is born. He tells me all of his good intentions for us as a family but I just don't feel right. I'm not sure if it's a good idea to try to live separate when I have the baby or move in together. Of course he tells me "how could you not want to live with me, especially now that we are expecting" and "how would you feel if you had to live away from our baby". Has anyone experienced anything similar?
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Re: Expecting, to live with BD or not
What mamastich said!
Also, the lawyering-up bit? Red flag. Sorry, lady, thus doesn't seem fun. :-(
Yes, He seems a bit off..So you need to be on the safe side of things. You never know what someone is capable of doing. If he sends u threatening text msgs dont delete them! Keep them as evidence. Also your friends that have met him, what is their gut feeling about him? Can you tell him that you want to be with him but not live together yet? I guess I would try to say things to him that wouldnt push him over the edge b/c you dont know what he's capable of. And at the same time say how you feel and try to be friendly. Can you guys see a therapist together and alone?
He's the father so you will need him (even if he's not working) for support with the baby. I think you should tell your family and friends whats going on and seek their advice also b/c they might be able to see possible signs of craziness in him!
Right now you def need to take care of yourself so issues you have with him should be on the back burner.
Good Luck