Eleanor Quinn

Xath

My little girl was born on December 26, 2012.  She was early; 35 weeks and 6 days, but I'd been having regular contractions for 2 weeks and when they got down to 3 minutes apart, the doctors decided to do a c-section (we had planned one anyway for January 17).  

When they got in there, they found out they were just in time; my uterus was beginning to rupture as they performed the c-section.   At 9:59pm they got her out safely and I could hear her cry.  She was beautiful and perfect, a healthy 7 lbs 0 oz, just a little bit smaller than her big brother had been.  They finished the surgery and closed me up and we were able to move to the PACU.

Ellie was having a little trouble breathing because she was late-term preemie.  I got to hold her for a few short minutes, but then they moved her to an incubator, and then they decided she needed to go to the NICU to get on the respirator, just to be safe.  I didn't go down to see her that night because I was still hooked up to IVs and wires and cords, but my husband went down and I got to see her via Facetime.

The next morning we went down to see her together and I got to hold her little hand and foot and put my hands on her head.  She did very well; they lowered her oxygen % through the day back to regular air levels and discussed reducing the pressure because of her progress.  Family came to visit; I took my parents and sister down to see her, and we took photos and video.  Everyone on the staff told us how well she was doing, and we'd be able to take her home in a few days to a week.

I started pumping in the hospital because I wanted her to have breast milk when they decided she could eat.  They said she was doing so well on the 27th that I'd be able to feed her on the 28th.  I pumped every 3 hours and then walked the milk down to the NICU to drop it off and see her. 

I woke up at 1am on the 28th to pump and fell asleep in the process.  I woke up suddenly at 2am.  In hindsight, this is the moment the doctors said she had started to crash.  It's like I knew somehow.  I was tired and debated going back to sleep and taking the milk down after my next pump at 4am.  But I wanted to see her and I needed to rinse the pump parts anyway so I got up and made my way down the hall.  When I got to the elevator, the voice said "going down" and it sounded so frightening that I nearly turned around right then.  But I kept going and made it down to the NICU.

I got to the door and rang the buzzer, but it didn't open right away.  I thought that was because it was late, and thought nothing of it.  Eventually a nurse came to the door and told me they were having an incedent and needed me to wait in the parent's room down the hall.  It took me time to get her to admit that the problem was with my Ellie.  I didn't know how to get to the waiting room, so she walked me down the hall and left me there.  

I tried calling my husband but couldn't get through to him.  Ellie had been doing so well that we decided that he should return home with our son that night, take him to daycare in the morning and then come back to the hospital to see us.  I finally got through. Somehow I also called my parents and called a friend who lived close by to come watch our son so that my husband could come to the hospital.  

They eventually sent in a nurse to sit with me.  She said that Ellie had been doing very well, but her heart had suddenly stopped.  The doctors were trying everything they could to revive her.  But it didn't work.  I was on the phone with my husband when the doctor came in.  He had tried for over an hour to get her heart started again, but it just wouldn't start.  My baby was gone.  

When I called my mom back to tell her, she said she didn't know what to do.  After the first call, my dad had collapsed; something was wrong with his heart and the EMTs were there to take him to the hospital.  I told her to go with him.  She ended up coming down to be with us.

When my husband got to the hospital, they brought Ellie in and I was finally able to hold her and we could say goodbye.  I got to hold her longer after she was gone than I ever had when she was alive.  I kept thinking of the miracle stories I had heard; kept praying and hoping that if she could just hear my heartbeat that she would be ok.  But it didn't work.  My baby is gone.  The doctors say it was so sudden that she likely felt no pain.   

My Ellie saved me by coming early when she did.  If she hadn't been so insistent, my uterus would have ruptured and I might not be here either.  She saved my dad too.  He's recovered now, and we know of several issues with his heart that could have grown to be much more serious.  We also found out that she saved her future brothers/sisters.  The doctors say that because my uterus didn't fully rupture, they were able to repair it and we should be able to have more children.  

She would have been 4 weeks old yesterday.  Today is her due date.  I still get those weekly newsletters from The Bump telling me how big she'd be and what she'd be doing if she were still here.  I wish so much that she was still here.  I love her and miss her more than anything.   

These are all of the photos and videos we have of her.    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwmjgLCITR8 

fluttergirlmoonchild79

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Ellie.  My birthday is the 26th too.  My son Corbin was born at 34w6d.  Hearing about pumping and taking it to the NICU brings back so many memories.  We were in the NICU for 11 days but he never really had any serious complications from being early.  DH woke up at 3am one morning and found him not breathing.  He contracted an RSV but never displayed any signs of being sick.  I'm happy to meet you, just wish it was under better circumstances.  We're all here for you and the women here are simply wonderful.

Wishing you peace and love

OSUWifey09

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet Eleanor. It's always tough to welcome a new loss mom, but I hope that you can turn to us for comfort and strength when you need it. Lots of love and hugs to you.

lolee465

I am so so sorry for the loss of your sweet Ellie. ((hugs)) Thank you for sharing the video, she's so beautiful.

meli1025

*ticker warning*

 

I am so, so sorry for the loss of your baby girl, Ellie.  I hope you find the same comfort and support on this board as I have.  Huge ((hugs)) to you.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.   

tuscanbride2007

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby girl, Eleanor. It's always breaks my heart to welcome a new loss mom, but I hope that you can find comfort among us.

((HUGS))

Noethola

I am very sorry for your loss of Ellie and that we have to meet under these circumstances. I too am a (supposed to be) Jan mom who lost her little girl. T & Ps for your and your family.

Thank you for sharing your beautiful pictures of your little girl.