dealing l w/ the irrational tantrums when you don't play 'right'?

groovygrl

Seriously this is one of my hair tear out issues..DD does this, DS never does. I will think we're playing nicely & I'm going along w/ whatever she wants to do and all of a sudden all hell breaks loose b/c I did some part of it 'wrong'. Like I cut the paper she asked me to cut in the wrong way (which can't be fixed so then what), I didn't fold the card the right way, I didn't draw whatever the right way, or tonight I thought she wanted me to pretend to send her a package that had her cheerleading dress up in it, and when she 'opened it', she freaked out and threw herself on the floor screaming b/c she "wanted 4 toys in the package".  AHHHHH I can't deal! It's pretty regular & I get that it is probably somewhat about communicating what she wants in a way I will understand & somewhat about having control of the situation etc.... On days when I have patience I really try to be calm & work with her and ask her to tell me how she wants it done over again and usually mess it up in some way again, etc. I don't want ot feed into it too much but I don't know any good way of dealing with it outside of ignoring, calmly explaining what I thought she told me to do & asking her to tell me again, etc.... Tonight I just walked otu and told her that I thought I did what she wanted and that when she was ready to play more and try again, she needed to stop crying and come find me.  Sometimes just offering a hug will work but not always.

anyone else?

SallyJean95

I am in this big time!  So frustrating. I feel like I need a crystal ball to anticipate what he wants.  Hopefully this is a phase?  or at least it gets a little better. 

I tell him that if I'm not doing it right then he needs to either do it himself or show me how he wants it done. 

I do try to be messy and imperfect a lot around him.  For example when coloring I go outside the lines and make sure I let him know that even mommies aren't perfect and we can't control everything that happens. 

TMDMJAOCT07

I am so glad to read that I am not the only one dealing with this!

It annoys the crud out of me when she asks me "which one do you want?" I pick "red" "I want you to have blue" what?! But on top of that, I get yelled at a lot for not doing the right thing, or putting Mr. Potato head together in a way she didn't want him together, etc.

Drives me crazy. I've tried explaining over and over that we can play all different ways and that sometimes somebody else has an idea that may be just as much fun as what she was thinking.  Or we'll play her way - once I understand what she wanted - and then we have to try my way.  Etc.

 I really hope its a phase, but I also think its a control thing because not much in their little world is controlled by them.

 

rlyttle

We are also dealing with this!! It's exhausting and I'm sure it's part of the age. 

mel72

This is DS1, exactly.  A friend rec the book "How to Raise Your Spirited Child" and it's helped a little, now if I could only finish the other half of it.  But seriously, he is definitely a perfectionist, coupled w/ very intense (dramatic) and persistent.  He has 2 pairs of socks that he will wear and I tremble when I try a new pair b/c they are starting to get holes in them - the thread bothers him, they don't feel right, they're too tight, don't fit, not his favorite socks, itchy, etc.  Today we did lincoln logs and my house was bad, not right, his was better, the right way, this is how you should do it, I don't want to play anymore Mommy.  Probably didn't help but know that you are so not alone!

logoz80

Oh yes! My daughter flipped out this morning because I put Woody and Jessie in her princess castle and she didn't want that. Fun times. 

honeybee111

Dinner tonight ended in a tantrum because DD asked for water and I gave it to her in a cup with leaves on it.  She freaked out, and it turns out she wanted the cup with the STRIPES on it.  So, then I switched cups, and of course she didn't want it at all.  Sigh.

Mom2Mack1

We're just starting to get into this.  It started with the train set she got for Christmas.  She always wants me to play & help her with it but then doesn't want me to put it together or touch anything.  So, I pretty much do what you did, walk away until she is ready to really let me help her.