Problems with parents

Mdshockley

It took me 5 moths to get pregnant.  My parents and in laws knew we were going to try and they couldn't seem to help themselves make me feel aweful that it didnt take the first time like themselves.

Now Im 17 weeks pregnant and my MIL thinks she needs to have her friends invited to the baby shower (i dont know them) and must be reported to on all dr. appointments or she will go with us.

My mother (lives on the other side of the country), on the other hand, is looking for me a job back home and telling me that between the shower (picked for her work schedule convenience) and the birthdate she is tired of having to pay holiday airfare.  To top it off, she threatened to sue my partner for custody should I die in childbirth.  I live in CA, so it would be a waste of her money and time.  But morbid, right?

 This has not been an easy pregnancy, and since I have placenta previa it's hard not to be worried all the time; so I don't need their selfish drama.  I have to be honest, I am starting to wish I didn't do this now because of the daily drama.  I'm tired of being treated like a human incubator put on earth to accomodate everyone. 

Anyone else having LGBT issues with overbearing parents. 

thiswillbe

We've had our fair share of family issues (almost got divorced over it, actually), but I don't have any specific advice. I will say, though, that if my mother had ever VOICED such disrespect for my wife as to say that she would sue for custody if I died in childbirth, she would immediately have been dis-invited from the birth and shower. That's truly awful.

Oh, and I'd get a lawyer and make sure things were rock-solid, legally, before the 3rd tri, for sure.

2brides

Ditto TWB. Get your legal document ducks in a row.  Also, nip this in the bud now. If you think it is bad when you are pregnant, just wait until the baby is here. You need to establish now that you are the parents and you get to decide how you parent, where you go, where you live, and what your child does/doesn't do. They need to learn to respect you as the parents - which can be difficult for grandparents who still see you as THEIR child.

We go through this with my dad from time to time and it can lead to hurt feelings/stress between L and I/and anxiety, but in the end, only L and I are responsible for our children and the decisions that we need to make for our family.

Good luck!

Manada

I am supremely grateful that we don't have this issue with our parents.  I anticipate some questionable reaction from my grandparents when it comes time to announce a pregnancy, but that isn't a bridge we've had to cross yet.

 

That said - I wish you the best of luck.  I know that if I were afraid anyone in my life were to treat H. as a second-class parent, or any children she carries as not-really-their-grandkids, I would throw a fit.   That said, if I were on the other side (like your DW), I would be much more emotionally affected about it and not really sure what to do.....

Good luck -- I hope you guys find a way to assert and feel your strength together.   

leapgirl8

I would tell your mom that if she wants to see her grandchild, she will nip that custody sh*t in the bud. What a horrible thing to say.

Mdshockley

Thanks.  I had so many people tell me I was overreacting and thought maybe I was losing it.  I've kicked my mother out of my house before and am not afraid to do it again or with my MIL.  My mother started up again about how she is offended that my MIL is acting like its her grandchild when it isn't biologically hers.  When I asked her what she would do when my partner got pregnant (we each want to have one with the same donor) she said it wouldn't be her grandchild.  Needless to say, it old her she needed together with the program and hung up on her. Feel better now and am ready to do what I have to to keep my family sane and drama free.