Adopting from the state

si_jennifer

Hi, I've never posted here but have been lurking.

 

We have a 9month old biological son and have been discussing a second. We both feel called to adopt from the state (Tx) because we want to provide a home for a child in need. That being said, because we have another child in the home who's interests we must keep in mind, we don't think we are capable of adopting a child with severe special needs. Mild medical/learning problems are fine, but I would not feel comfortable bringing a child with emotional/behavioral problems into our home because of our LO. We've also read up a lot on preserving birth order (thanks to this board) and so we want to adopt a younger child, 1 year or less.

My question is: is/has anyone benn in the same/similar situation? Anyone know how long we should expect to wait? Is this even realistic?

 

I'll add that we are not in a hurry, I wouldn't mind waiting to make sure he/she is a right fit for our home.

Thank you! You all seem so supportive of each other and I'd love to get your perspective.

lizlemon2

I don't know anything specific about adopting from TX, but we are adopting from MA.  Our boys have been placed with us one month.

I think you could have a child placed with you under a year.  The younger the child, it generally means the higher legal risk.  Bio parents generally have 15 months before the court pressures a permanency plan such as adoption, so the parent can seek treatment.

 We started the process hoping to adopt one child under 18 months, and ended up with a 2 and 4 yo sib group!!  Our openness changed the more we heard about kids waiting, legal risk, etc.

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

davidandheather

Welcome. What part of TX are you in? I am in Houston area. I think you should take some time to look up a few agencies around you and find out when they have open houses. You will get a lot of questions answered at these. It can also be a sort of interview as you decide which agency you are most comfortable with. Don't choose the first one, but take time to visit a few and decide which works best for you. I'd try to stay away from going straight through CPS as every story I've heard is horror. I think you will feel better if you go through a third party agency (which will help you with a CPS case) as they do a better job representing you and helping the children. Also whatever agency you go through will make you fill out a profile of sorts, which is a pretty painful checklist to fill out listing every disability and issue you'd be willing to accept or not accept that the kid and his/her parents may have had also.  Also, you will get a younger child quicker through the foster care system if you are willing to accept emergency placements, which means the kids won't be legally free for adoption yet and you may just be a temporary person in that kid's life. While this is hard, I've heard that the first placement a kid has may be the most important people in that kids life as they will have such a profound impact on helping out a scared, confused baby. So you can see what a tremendous calling it is to be a foster parent.

Typically when a child is taken from the family, the mom has up to 12 months to get their life right in TX as I understand it. During that time, if a family member comes forward, then the judge will most likely choose family over the foster parent. However, if the parent is unable to get their life in order in the set time frame, and no family comes forward, then once the child is legally free (sometimes this is quick, sometimes very extended if the birth parents appeal the judges decision), then the judge will choose the foster family that the child has been with all this time. 

si_jennifer

I am in Houston as well (well, Katy, but close enough)!

I know that chances of adopting an infant go up greatly if we foster, but I'm not sure could handle the heartbreak if the child has to be returned to the parents. I feel bad, like I'm being selfish not wanting to foster, but I have no idea how I would handle it. I feel like it would be the equivalent of losing my own son, and to know that they are returning to a home that may be less than ideal...it kills me. I'm tearing up just typing this. I am very emotional over these things.

Is there somewhere that shows statistics of how many children removed from homes are returned? I know the goal to foster care is reunification, but how often does that happen?

 We have been looking at agencies, we will definately use one.

I am going to read your blog to see your experience, hopefully it will help me make some sense of all this. 

I appreciate everyone's responses!

CaptainSerious

I have not fostered, and do not have any knowledge of the way TX works specifically, but everything I've read says that it's unusual for children under the age of one to be legally free for adoption.  If you truly do not want to take children who are at legal risk, you may wish to raise the age you are willing to consider.

That being said, it's my understanding that "legal risk" includes a wide range.  Anytime a child that is not legally free the case is considered legal risk, but in some circumstances, family history can be a predictor of whether or not reunification will occur.  For example, if a biological mother has an addiction, has already placed or lost rights to several children who are not being raised by biological family members, and has no income or other supports, it is more likely that her rights will be terminated and the child will be placed with the foster parents.  It's awful to spell it out like this, but that's the sad truth about adoption:  it only exists because the biological parents are not able to parent at that time, and it is the result of loss for everyone involved.

lizlemon2

Capt Serious is very wise, listen to her.

 There may be some rare cases where there is an infant with lower or no legal risk, which include:

A voluntary surrender or Baby Safe Haven (they would still do a kinship search when possible)

Some judges will grant TPR to a newborn if the parent or parents already lost rights to more than 2 children, or are incarcerated and will be serving more than a year.  I am a CPS worker, and we did a removal where mother was serving a 10 yr sentence and was brought to the hospital to give birth, and went back to prison. The judge gave immediate TPR in that case.  There can still be an appeal process, and other bio family can come out of the woodwork at the 11th hr.

gardensparrow

Hi there~

Well, that's so great you and your husband are considering adoption! But, I know that it can get complicated figuring everything out. And, as far as the length of time adoption takes, I've heard the average wait for domestic adoption is less than two years-usually a minimum of 9 months to 1 year. But, it does probably depend a bit on your state. So, you might want to take a look at the Texas Adoption Resource Exchange's website (https://www.dfps.state.tx.us/Adoption_and_Foster_Care/Get_Started/steps.asp). It looks like they have some information available on there that might be useful to your family. Hope it helps!