Toddler hitting

spring_time

I am getting to my wits end with my 2 (almost 3) year old hitting.  He hits us in the face when he gets angry.  I am currently the favorite, so he has been hitting DH a whole lot more.  However, today he hit me in the face with a closed fist.  I am also being told that he pushes the little boy at daycare, headbutts, and I have seen him push another LO in the face.  He has also hit us with objects.

We consistently do time-outs.  We have tried grabbing his hand and telling him that we don't hit.  We have tried taking his hand and showing him a gentle touch. We have had consistent talks with him about how hitting hurts.  We have set him down and told him that we will play when he is ready to play nicely.  We have done everything I can think of except hit/spank him. 

My DH blames the other kids at daycare, especially one who is hyperactive, but this has been going on for awhile...well before this other boy came into the picture.  My parents say that I need to spank DS to show him how much it hurts, but I don't think hitting to teach about not hitting makes much sense.  I just don't know what to do.   

 Do you have any other suggestions?  I am seriously starting to waver on my anti-spanking philosophy just for another option. 

MNgirl326

Well spanking is just going to teach him that hitting is okay...so I probably wouldn't do that.

When LO hits, I either put him down or walk away from him completely. I give very little attention to it.  He has learned that hitting = no fun with mom and dad..  We also have a baby gate at the door of his room so if he hits more then a couple of times, we pick him up and with out saying a word and put him in his room.   We leave him there for a few minutes and then come back and talk to him.  We say,  you were in your room because you hit mommy.  Do we hit?   (no) So you need to go and say you are sorry (okay sorry mommy).   

I'm not sure if this is exact way to do things, but it has worked for us and has cut down on a lot of the hitting.    .  

FancyFrenchie

Have you been able to pinpoint the causes for the hitting?

Once we were able to do that with DS, we were able to work a lot better with him and his hitting has lessened a lot!

MNgirl326

FancyFrenchie:

Have you been able to pinpoint the causes for the hitting?

Once we were able to do that with DS, we were able to work a lot better with him and his hitting has lessened a lot!

totally agree with this.  We figured out that LO did the majority of his hitting when he was either over tired, over excited, or angy that he didn't get his way. 

So we have worked towards minimizing those instances.  We try hard not to push his bed times, we use some calming down strategies, and we also have very specific routines, and choices to help LO be involved in the process. 

spring_time

I have been able to mostly pinpoint the cause.  He hits when he doesn't get his way or when he feels he is losing control.  If he is flat out told "No," picked up without permission, or if someone takes something from him without asking he will hit.  I think it is a control issue.  The problem is that there are times that he is just going to need to do what he is told, so he needs to find another way to express his anger.  

I have been able to minimize it with myself because I have found other ways of telling him "No" without drawing a line in the sand, and I try to give choices as much as possible.  Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of buy in from family members, and a baby will sometimes take his things.  I am just not sure how to change this immediate reaction.

rmrm

maybe talk to your pediatrician? not that there is anything wrong medically but i'm sure they see these things all the time and may have some suggestions?

FancyFrenchie

spring_time:

I have been able to mostly pinpoint the cause.  He hits when he doesn't get his way or when he feels he is losing control.  If he is flat out told "No," picked up without permission, or if someone takes something from him without asking he will hit.  I think it is a control issue.  The problem is that there are times that he is just going to need to do what he is told, so he needs to find another way to express his anger.  

I have been able to minimize it with myself because I have found other ways of telling him "No" without drawing a line in the sand, and I try to give choices as much as possible.  Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of buy in from family members, and a baby will sometimes take his things.  I am just not sure how to change this immediate reaction.

 

This was mostly the case with DS and it's completely normal. Who likes being told no? What we did was, as soon as I saw DS wanted to hit or he'd say "I'm going to hit you?" I'd say, "Are you angry because XYX?" and he'd usually say "yes" and I'd say, "It's okay to be angry and you can tell so-and-so that you're angry, but unfortunately that's the answer and we don't hit". You have to catch him right before he hits and repeat this over and over.