Coming to terms with IF

Manada

How do you do it?

 

My partner and I are only on our 2nd iui cycle, but our RE is recommending we move to injectables for our next cycle because my ovarian reserve is so poor...   and we are trying to weigh the costs of going forward with my eggs + injectables + donor sperm (~$1600 per cycle), versus doing an IVF cycle (~$10000) for my partner and freezing as many embryos as possible for both of us to hopefully carry a pregnancy  (she has a TON of eggs, we expects that a cycle could produce at least 15+ of them to fertilize, fresh transfer and freeze)

Honestly, we are starting to lean toward the IVF bandwagon, but I am struggling with just finding ways to come to terms with my own infertility, and get a grip on the fact that whatever we do it's going to put a major financial strain on us even before we have a baby.  

*whining* it just feels so UNFAIR!

 

So I'm wondering --- what is your technique for coming to terms (or attempting to) with Infertility?   

I just feel like we lack people to talk to about it, because our families don't really understand and our friends are young enough that they're not really worried about it yet (HA!  I thought I was young once too, until I found out my ovaries are well into their 40's and marching toward menopause!).   I know that if we move on from using my eggs, it'll be FINE, and I'll get over it -- but losing that feels really hard and out of control right now.

 

katib77

I think "coming to terms with IF" is a continuing war with many battles.  Some of which I've won, some of which I've lost.  

I came to terms with needing help and seeing an RE.  I came to terms with our DX.  I came to terms with being OOP.  I came to terms with doing IUI with clomid.  And I came to terms with doing injects.  I'm slowly coming to terms with the idea IVF and even the idea of being CFNBC.  But they are all baby steps.  And for me those steps each have taken some time.

I say do the injects cycle because it will help prepare you mentally for some of what is involved for IVF.  But if the response is poor and you're able to move on to the idea your partner being the one to provide the only eggs, then do it.  But then you will have a better appreciation for what she goes through.  And you will know you tried.   

scbedi

Thank you for sharing and I am so sorry you are going through this. I am just starting the process of treatments. If this med-free cycle doesn't work then my next cycle will be IUI. I think I may still be in the denial phase, but I keep getting my hopes up and they are crushed each month AF comes for a visit....I really really wish AF would just stay away!!. It sounds like you don't have a whole lot of family to talk to, I'm sorry about that. I'm glad you found this community because we all have been through it. I really hope things work out for you soon. I really don't have any advice on the IUI vs IVF, but no matter whose egg it is, it's still just as much your baby as well as your partner's. good luck to you.

scbedi

katib77:

I think "coming to terms with IF" is a continuing war with many battles.  Some of which I've won, some of which I've lost.  

I came to terms with needing help and seeing an RE.  I came to terms with our DX.  I came to terms with being OOP.  I came to terms with doing IUI with clomid.  And I came to terms with doing injects.  I'm slowly coming to terms with the idea IVF and even the idea of being CFNBC.  But they are all baby steps.  And for me those steps each have taken some time.

I say do the injects cycle because it will help prepare you mentally for some of what is involved for IVF.  But if the response is poor and you're able to move on to the idea your partner being the one to provide the only eggs, then do it.  But then you will have a better appreciation for what she goes through.  And you will know you tried.   

this too, very very good advice.

twistsandturnsto2

This may sound strange, but coming to terms with IF for me ment coming to terms with the fact that it may never work. DH and I talked long and hard about exactly what we each were comfortable with and laid out a plan. Knowing what we were going to do to get a take home baby and also understanding that there are no guarantees with any of this made me able to accept IF and handle it. 

Do I still have bad days, you betcha. But I also give myself outlets to be upset/selfish/sad whatever emotion I need to get out so that those feelings don't take over the rest of my life.  

ebruen

twistsandturnsto2:

This may sound strange, but coming to terms with IF for me ment coming to terms with the fact that it may never work. DH and I talked long and hard about exactly what we each were comfortable with and laid out a plan. Knowing what we were going to do to get a take home baby and also understanding that there are no guarantees with any of this made me able to accept IF and handle it. 

Do I still have bad days, you betcha. But I also give myself outlets to be upset/selfish/sad whatever emotion I need to get out so that those feelings don't take over the rest of my life.  

THIS!

My husband and I had this exact same talk. I was in denial for a long time (the first year of trying) when my period never came or thought I could do unmonitored Clomid cycles, but when we went through out first month with an RE and really educated ourselves and talked about what really is going on and the potential of us NEVER having our own baby helped. We sat down and talked about what we were willing to do and how much money we could put into this. Now that we have talked and made a plan I feel much better about my journey.

Not to say I dont have bad days and it still crushes our hearts when a cycle has to be cancelled  due to follies not growing or feeling guilt because my ovaries hate me and I can't give my husband a baby lol, but it definitely helped us accept the journey we were given.