To doula or not to doula..

chanelsavoie

This is my first pregnancy and I am just beginning to look into all of this stuff. I have always known I wanted to have a natural childbirth, though. So I found my way here!

my question is regarding the necessity of a doula. I want to have both my husband and my mom with me (i am 29 byt i am very close to my parents, And my mom's mom died before she had me so i know my mom wants to be there. )Assuming I am even allowed a third person and could have a doula... Do I need one? My doctor is very open to any sorts of birth and birth plans. I am having the baby at a hospital, but its not a Traditional hospital. They have birthing tubs and balls, and all that. 

 With the variety of things available to me, a supportive doctor, and my hubby and mom there, do you think I really need a doula? 

tokenhoser

Depends what your hubby and mom know about supporting a natural birth. If your DH and/or mom are willing to learn about what to do and suggest to help you, then you can probably do without a doula. But you need to know them and ask yourself if that is realistic to expect - with my DH, it's not. So we hired a doula last time and we're getting one this time. She was instrumental in helping me with pretty bad back labour, and in staying home to labour for most of my birth.

KdgTeacher

While my OB is awesome and fully supports my desire to have a natural birth, she's not going to be with me while I'm laboring.  Shoot, she may not even be the one to deliver my baby so I wouldn't rely on your OB for support if that makes sense.

I'm not having anyone else with me except MH and a doula.  My main reasoning for wanting a doula was for me, but also for MH to have support.  He's awesome in high stress situations and doesn't rattle easily...but that's whe dealing with other people in emergencies.  He doesn't do well with seeing me in pain.  Having a doula will allow him to take a mental break if/when he needs one without leaving me alone as well as having someone them to help him help me.

ncbelle

I think doulas are fantastic but it's also possible to go it without one.  I think a lot depends on your personality and the support your partner (and mom in your case) can offer.

I chose not to have a doula because I don't like being fussed over - not that I want to go birth by myself in a corner but mentally that's what I do  I also felt confident that my husband would both support me in my wishes (when the going gets tough and you doubt yourself, will your hubby keep pushing you knowing that's what you wanted or will he encourage you to get pain relief because he doesn't like seeing you in pain?).  Also, if an emergency situation does arise (or just a tense one), will your DH/mom be able to help you sort through options?

Doulas are great not only for physical and emotional support for you, but also to help your partner - I think your DH and mom need to be in on the decision - how will they all work together as a team?

margaritachikita

I had a med-free birth in a hospital which was very supportive, as was my OB. But, like a PP said, your doctor likely won't be with you for much of the labor process. I had my doula and my DH with me and i can't speak enough good words about having a doula there.

 It made everything go much more smoothly, just because she had so much experience about the whole process, including hospital policies/procedures. she was a great go-between between myself and the nurses, especially when i was beyond the point of reason/coherence. there is just so much going on and it's all kind of scary, especially for the first time. a doula has been there/done that, and it made me feel so much calmer to have her there. she reminded me to go to the bathroom every hour (even when i really didn't want to), drink lots of fluids, breath through contractions, etc etc. all stuff that i think it would have been very hard for my DH to remember to keep track of since it was his first time too.

Also, by the end of the labor i was definitely asking for drugs/meds, and she helped me keep focused on my goal of natural childbirth. i think my DH probably would have caved if she hadn't been there. We had talked about everything way in advance of the birth so she knew how hard to "push" me, before "allowing" me to get the meds. it was just so helpful to have her there the whole time. she also helped us come up with comfortable laboring positions, and wouldn't let me lay down even though i was tired, which i think helped my labor go faster.

I can't imagine doing all that without her, and i will probably use her again for my next baby! If you want your mom to play the doula role, i would definitely talk a lot about what both of your expectations are before-hand and how badly you really want to have a natural birth. it's so hard for moms to see their babies in pain, i know my mom would want me to get meds!

 

 

aylafsu88

IMO a doula is an essential person.  I loved my doula and having her there was very calming for my H and for me.  We were prepared and had taken Bradley classes.  However, as FT parents we figured it would be beneficial to have someone experienced and knowledgeable at our birth.  Our doula was worth every cent we paid her.  She reminded H and I of things/positions we learned in class and helped keep us calm and relaxed. I loved my birth and had a wonderful experience. I would recommended having one, especially if you are having a hospital birth.  It is easy to get distracted and during labor you are very open/easily influenced by doctors and nurses who may push unwanted interventions.  It can be very difficult to be clam and understand what is truly going on.  I think a doula is a great person to advocate for the mother and help her stay calm, focused, and relaxed.

Bride-hilda

ncbelle:

  I think a lot depends on your personality 

Agreed. A doula might be wonderful for some people, but I'm certain I would absolutely hate having one. I don't want anybody speaking for me who wasn't my DH or related to me. I just wouldn't.

I think the type of people who would like a doula get a doula and like her, so there aren't a whole lot of people who've had a doula and wouldn't have another one. So you're stuck with opinions from people who've had one and loved one, and people who haven't had one for whatever reason. 

briannabeebug

KdgTeacher:

While my OB is awesome and fully supports my desire to have a natural birth, she's not going to be with me while I'm laboring.  Shoot, she may not even be the one to deliver my baby so I wouldn't rely on your OB for support if that makes sense.

I'm not having anyone else with me except MH and a doula.  My main reasoning for wanting a doula was for me, but also for MH to have support.  He's awesome in high stress situations and doesn't rattle easily...but that's whe dealing with other people in emergencies.  He doesn't do well with seeing me in pain.  Having a doula will allow him to take a mental break if/when he needs one without leaving me alone as well as having someone them to help him help me.

YES.  this.  Doctors/OBs, normally, don't stay with you the whole birth process.  Therefore not really part of your labor support team.  I also love that you included husbands experience of the birth as well!  I think we have a tendency to forget our Significant Others birth experience and how it is a valid experience just as our own.  It's not the same, but *just* as important--thank you for bringing that up KdgTeacher.

If you're going to have your husband and mom be your labor support team I would make sure they do a lot of reading and get some hands on training on pain management methods.

I'm a first time mom planning an un-medicated, natural, home birth and I've hired a doula.  We had our first meeting with her the other day and....just some of the comments she made about how she puts a cool cloth on her client's face/forehead, or is able to read the body language in the room and make adjustments are something a seasoned doula can do.

In addition to the doula my husband is taking the birthing from within class with me, reading the birth partner and.....I'll be imparting my doula binder to him--which has tons of different positions, pain management things, my notes on hydration/bodily fluids/stages of labor/how to talk to a laboring woman.

So in reality--I might have two doulas helping me out.  But if for whatever reason my husband needs to just be a witness and not be hands on I still have my doula who I know will support me.

good luck!

chanelsavoie

Thank you for your opinions everyone. I'm going to keep thinking about it and decide on it at some point!