moms of b/g twins over 3 or so... re same sex bday parties

groovygrl

what do you do when someone invites both your kids to a bday party but you know that one of them will be the only boy/girl there & was only invited b/c ppl feel funny inviting just one of them--- esp if it is a party geared to interests that your child probably wouldn't enjoy. My kids are totally noticing all the boy/girls stuff lately and I don't know how to address a few things

1) finding out from the parent if there will be other kids of that gender there b/c I know my LO would notice and probably say something about it, possibly even have a little tantrum over it.

2) talking to said child if I really think s/he will not enjoy the party b/c of the activities but wanting them to maybe have a choice in the matter even though I know they were invited only b/c their twin was invited

I'm torn. In many ways it is no big deal at all & I don't want them to focus on gender type issues but on the other hand, I know the parents are paying a lot of $ for my child to be there & if it was out of obligation AND my kid is unlikely to enjoy it, it seems like lose-lose.

Thoughts?

groovygrl

MrsLee04:

Mine are 6+ and even though they definitely like gender-specific toys and activities they are totally fine playing with the opposite, too.  They would much rather be invited to and go to a gender-specific party than not be invited.  My DD was invited to a classmate's party in the Fall and DS wasn't and I didn't let DD go (she didn't even know about it) because I knew it would hurt DS's feelings to not be included.  He wouldn't have cared if it was all girl stuff, and the same would go for DD.  They are still at an age where it doesn't matter yet. 

This party is pottery painting and DS is really not much into art usually, and also is not very well controlled in environments like that for an extended period of time so I also have a concern about him being a major distraction to the party... I brought it up this morning & asked if wanted to go & he said, sure! and then I said, ok, you'll be the only boy there is that ok with you? he said, ok. Then I said, would you rather go to the party or to the museum with daddy? he said- the museum with daddy!

So, I'm still on the fence. The other party is at a little gym type place so I know he'd love that, but the pottery painting place has me a little on the fence...the mom was really nice, I'm actually friendly w/ her b/c DD & her daughter are very good friends, and she was like, yeah I wasn't sure if he'd like that but of course he is welcome to come, etc. So I can always tell her that he'd like to give it a try- I just hate that she might pay for him to be there (obviously we'd bring a gift from him) and he might act out a lot or MH would end up leaving early with him or something. 

groovygrl

MrsLee04:

Hmm, I don't really think of pottery painting as a girl activity?  My DS would love doing that and I would definitely take him to that party. 

I don't think I said it as a girl activity, but that it is a party of all girls, that he makes a point these days to talk about how he doesnt want to play with girls, that he doesnt generally like arts & crafts & sits still for them for like 2 min and therefore I might end up wtih him running around a place filled with breakables, being a distraction at the party, possibly having to leave etc. It just doesnt seem fair to the parents hosting or the birthday girl since I know that he was invited out of obligation, not b/c she specifically asked to invite him. 

missfire

I took my 4-year-old DS to paint pottery and he loved it - there were all sorts of monster trucks, Spider-Man stuff, etc. Sometimes they just have certain types of things out to paint at parties, but you could probably pay the difference and let him paint something different if he prefers. 

groovygrl

True, I am on the fence, maybe he'd love it.

But my question was really not about my DS pottery painting- I was wondering if anyone w/ b/g twins ever feels funny about the fact that the opposite gender child is invited just b/c the parent feels obligated, even if the birthday child is not really friends w/ that child or plays w/ them (at preschool, etc) and clearly has only invited all the girls or boys from the class... e.g. do you ever say anything to the parent or to your child or just bring them both along & don't really care, or what?

groovygrl

MrsLee04:

I think in the end it depends on your kids. You know them better than anyone and you don't seem to think it's a good idea. For me, I wouldn't feel funny, I would be thankful they considered both kids, because as I said previously my kids aren't at a point where this matters to them yet. They would be hurt not being included. Right now they are in the same class and have the same friends. As they get older separate parties will become normal and they won't want to go to opposite sex parties, but right now it's not an issue for them.

Yeah, that is true. I actually think as they get older they'll be more hurt if they arent invited but they're 3 1/2 going to 4 yr old bday parties & actually they have never even been to a real kids' bday party, in our old DC it was not the norm to invite everyone & a lot of ppl don't start having big or elaborate parties til age 4 I think... we moved when kids they knew would be turning 3 so we didn't really know anyone for like 6-8 months in their age group...