DH Vent-your reaction?

BrideBuddies

Last night DH went out with some co-workers after work to celebrate a guy's retirement.  I've known about this for several days and was cool with it.  DH is not a drinker at all, so it's really just a way to be social with his co-workers. 

When I asked him on Thursday what time he'd think he'd be home, he said "6:30 or 7 or so... don't hold supper for me."

He rolled in at 12:45am.   Turns out some of the guys had too much to drink so DH drove them home.  FYI--He did not call me to tell me he'd be so late or even where they were.

What would your reaction be????   I'll hold off on sharing my reaction.. for now.

carrotsoup70

I would have told him he was inconsiderate for not calling to let you know he was going to be late. As my parents used to tell me, "How do we know you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere!" I also might have said something about being too nice for driving everyone home...they could have called a cab.

With my DH, he has learned to let me know or I will pester him until he answers or responds. Most of those conversations haven't gone well so to avoid them he just calls/texts.

LadyXaverian

He should have contacted you at some point to tell you that he decided to be the DD and would be later than expected. Not cool.

Unless we had other plans, I don't think I would have been too upset that he decided to stay later and be the DD as long as he gave me the heads up.

ETA: Did you text him at any point? If so, and he didn't respond, I'd be pretty agitated with him.

Pesky

He should have contacted you to let you know he was going to be later than expected so you didn't worry.  It's common courtesy.  FYI, I had that talk with DH years ago so he's pretty good about checking in now.

Sunidaze

I would not have reacted well.  

Cheekers2010

I would have been freakinf out and convinced my DH was dead in a ditch.  Then when he rolled in I would have lost it in a hysterical frenzy.  It wouldn't have been pretty. 

stever

Exactly what everyone else is saying - the staying late and being a DD is no big shoop, not calling or texting is a pretty big deal. That's 5-6 hours of worry you had.

ridesbuttons

Inconsiderate is the word I would use.  Common sense and all that.  You shouldn't have to ask him to call, an adult kind of knows that.  A quick text at some point to say "having a good time, will likely be the DD tonight" or similar would have been all you needed.

Wipz

Does he still have his babymaking equipment intact? I woulda been royally pissed.  My DH knows better than to pull a stunt like that...and luckily we've never had to test that scenario.

It's a mutual respect and consideration thing.. sure go have some time off with yoru buddies but DON'T forget you have a family at home...and you have to live with me long after the alcohol wears off lol.

Scramblersmom

I would have been extremely angry at him for not calling and letting me know since he originally said that he would be home around 7-ish. I am really big on this and it is a major pet peeve of mine. I hate being home worrying if something happened and wondering what is going on. I think it is a common courtesy to call and let someone know you will be late, why you will be late, and what your expected ETA is.

itsmevkb

I would have texted him once it was after 7 and asked his status.  If he didn't respond then I probably would have started getting worried and mad. He's a grown up and should have the courtesy of keeping me informed if plans are changing.  As long as I knew what was going on I wouldn't care about the time he got home.

Clearly your DH wasn't driving people home from 6:30 all the way to 12:45 so it would seem he stayed out with the guys quite a bit later than originally planned.  I wonder if he didn't even realize how late it was and then when he did he thought if he called you, you'd be mad and so he figured he'd just deal with that once he got home instead of going through it twice - my DH has told me that is his crazy logic!

BrideBuddies

Thanks ladies.... and yes, I WENT OFF on his azz.   Two days later and I'm slowly getting over it, but my trust has certainly been shaken.  Needless to say, he will NEVER do that again.  And he's still in the doghouse.   And honestly, he has not done much to try and make it up to me.. other than just saying "Sorry."

Long story now.. his cell phone had died during the day so when I did try to call/text multiple times, it just went straight to VM.  This isn't all that alarming, since he works in a high security area and has to leave his cell in the car during work hours anyway.   I figured he just forgot to grab it when they went in to the bar.   Plus, he neglected to tell me where they were going (Old Chicago).

Here's what really ticked me off... When I asked if it ever dawned on him to borrow someone's phone, he said he thought about it, but then didn't do it.  Grrrr.  

I did call the sheriff's office/police dept to check on accidents since we live out in the boonies and it's not out of the realm of possibility that he fell asleep at the wheel and the car is down in a ditch somewhere.  Nothing.  I think when I told him that, he realized how freaked out I was.

I used a lot of the words you ladies threw out there... inconsiderate, insulting, etc.   He said he figured I'd be mad but didn't think I'd be awake when he got home so he wasn't prepared for a fight at 1am.  I was armed and ready.

For the first time in our 8 year marriage, he slept on the couch.  Wasn't even going to chance being in the guest room down the hall from me...   Even last night he was still preparing to sleep in the guest room.   I think he'd permanent move in there.. he was so scared of me.

robynlesley

Man, just catching up on this now. 

I can't believe a grown man would not understand that 1 AM is not the 7 PM estimate and wouldn't think his wife wouldn't worry.  SMH.

 

shelley1002

I'd be pisssed that he got home 5+ hours after what I was told without so much as a text saying it would be later.

I'd be glad he was nice enough to drive the drunk coworkers home so everyone was safe.

I think the being late without contacting you would piss me off more than knowing he was making sure his coworkers were safe by driving them home.

MesmrEwe

Well - if there is one saving grace, it's that he was responsible enough to be the designated driver for their sorry drunk @$$es..  That'd be a "get out of the doghouse early" card for me...

I'd also point out that this is why car chargers were created.  I grouch at DH because he doesn't have one for his phone.  He's also one for being out late because of his work schedule but if he's too late, I'm on the phone calling until I locate him...

Honestly, if my phone went dead and I was dropping someone off at home so they didn't have to drive, I wouldn't have a problem asking "Hey, can I use your phone so I can call DH"...  It's amazing how such a simple/quick "hey, I'm going to be late, I'm the Designated Driver" would have turned the situation from WW3 to probably the exact opposite response with a "happy ending"...

ChavayJakov

I guess, for me, I would have likely texted him at least once, called if that failed, after he was a couple hours late.  Up until that time, I would have figured that he was having more fun than anticipated so I'd leave it alone.  You don't say that you attempted to contact him though...so my answer of what would I do for a 12:45a.m. entrance would depend on that part of the story.  But whether we had an issue at the end of the night about it or not, because I know my husband and because this would have been an infrequent situation and because (I'm assuming) he wasn't tipsy, I likely wouldn't raise it above a miffed one time conversation.

Edited: I read your update.  I would have thought his borrowing a cellphone would have been a stickler for me (that was actually in the back of my mind when I was wondering if you had tried contacting him.  I figured if you hadn't, then I would suspect it wouldn't have crossed his mind either.  I see that's not the case.)

mer4

To be honest I would have blown up ! He probably did nothing wrong just used bad judgement and was inconsiderate. Still that would not have gone over well in my house! Im sure he wouldnt like it if you did the samething!

laurakaz13

I would have been pissed and a basket case over him not bothering to call. I don't care how late DH stays our or what he does, but he needs to communicate with me no matter what. 

Tigger & pooh

I would have rolled over in bed and said "nice of you to show up"  but my husband is notorious for not calling and not showing up on time so I am used to it.  Generally I call to make sure he is ok and move on. 

KerryHS

Cheekers2010:

I would have been freakinf out and convinced my DH was dead in a ditch.  Then when he rolled in I would have lost it in a hysterical frenzy.  It wouldn't have been pretty. 

Yes.  This pretty much sums up what my response would have been.  Seriously, I have about a 20 minute window before my head starts going to worse case scenarios.  However, I would have to say that you would have had to reach out AND be ignored before the full freak out.

KerryHS

KerryHS:

Cheekers2010:

I would have been freakinf out and convinced my DH was dead in a ditch.  Then when he rolled in I would have lost it in a hysterical frenzy.  It wouldn't have been pretty. 

Yes.  This pretty much sums up what my response would have been.  Seriously, I have about a 20 minute window before my head starts going to worse case scenarios.  However, I would have to say that you would have had to reach out AND be ignored before the full freak out.

Just saw your update.  The freak out is justified.  Hope everything has smoothed out by now.  He does gets props for being the DD.  Every guy is going to be a knucklehead sometimes.  You have to call them on it - of course.  But then you have to forgive....

shannm

I would have been PO that he didn't let me know that he was going to be later than he expected. I would have called him around 8 to see if he was ok.