Newly diagnosed with PCOS..do I tell the family?!??!

vjacobs2005

Hello Ladies! 

 

First I guess I should introduce myself since I have just been lurking here for the past 6-9months.  My husband and I have been married since May 21, 2011.  He is four years older than me, currently I am 25 and he is 29.  We have always said it would be nice to have a baby or be pregnant by his 30th Birthday, which will be in July of this year.  So last July I threw out my birth control and we were just gonna see what happened.  And basically nothing has happened in these past 6 months. 

I never got a cycle in August or September and end of September I went to the doctor, just my regular family doctor, they prescribed a medicine that would get my periods started(I forgot the name of it) and told me if I don't start come back in 2 weeks.  Took all the pills and 2 weeks later still no AF.  Went back to family doctor again and they said well there is nothing we can do for 6months, come back Jan/Feb.  Like 2-3 days after that appointment I got my period, but it was very light and short.  The no period in November, but AF decided to make her grand appearance on NYE!!  Another short, light period.  Then just a week later I started again on the 9th.  This was the period from hell!  Heavy bleeding, cramps, extreme fatigue blah blah blah...  So I made a doctors appointment with my family doctor again and they called back and said they were going to go ahead and get me an appointment at the ob/gyn.  I went for blood work earlier this week so the results would be in by today. 

Today I had the appointment with the ob/gyn and I have been diagnosed with PCOS.  I am about 30 pounds over weight and the doctor wants me to start losing weight and wants to see what happens with my cycles next month- if I get a period, if I get two again etc..  Since we haven't hit the one year mark yet she wants to see a little more whats going on, which I am completely fine with.  I watched a friend deal with taking clomid and fertility treatments and before starting all that I would really like to see if my periods will regulate themselves and maybe the PCOS can be controlled with weight loss.  Obviously I need to loose weight and this is the motivation I need to be serious about it.  

So onto my question....

 My family will often ask when we are going to have kids, etc.  They do it because they are excited about the prospect of a baby in the family again because this will be the first grandbaby or great-grandbaby on my side of the family and on my husbands side the youngest grandchild is 10 years old, so it has been a while since a baby has been around.  Currently they all think I am still taking birth control and babies are not anywhere in our near future.  Part of me wants to tell them about the crazy cycles and now the PCOS, but part of me doesn't.   Here is my reasoning for this...

Why I want to tell them....  I understand the process of dealing with PCOS and infertility can be very stressful so I think it would be nice to have them as a support system and someone else I can talk to about all this besides my husband.  Also I am sure as this process continues they are going to be asking more and more about when we are having a baby.  If they don't know it could get very aggravating that we are trying, but just isn't working and really it is out of our control.  Basically I don't want to keep lying to them and end up in the end getting my feelings hurt.  

 

Why I don't want to tell them....I don't want them to blab about this to other people in town, church etc.  My aunts can be gossipers.  I don't want this always to be a topic of conversation.  I don't want it to be always talked about when we get together, just because I put it out there. Also I would consider myself a fairly private person and don't want to have to dodge questions about my personal sex life whenever they feel like asking them. 

 

I know this is a long post, but I am rather torn on what to do.  If anyone has any advice for what they would recommend or what they have done in a similar situation it would be greatly appreciated!! 

 

 

wealldeservepretty

You don't owe anyone explanations about anything - especially your reproductive health.  You could say a vague, "that would be awesome", or "i'm looking foward to it" when people talk about having kids, and get support from a close friend or your mom, so at least you can get some support and people to talk with, but not have to deal with the gossiping. 

First things first tho, I would continue going to a doctor who specializes in this and not your family doctor -- it is altogether surprising to me that they took as long as they did to refer you to a OB-GYN.   

Neffanie

Hey there, sorry you are in this position, and this is a pretty personal decision. I can only tell you from my experience with my own family, so here goes:

While my immediate family (parents, siblings, and DH's parents) know, I only share the detailed information with my mom and my MIL. It is great to have the support system, but sometimes it does seem that our IF status and where we are in our cycle and whats coming up next and what dates are set for which appointments and meds ends up being the main thing we talk about to each other. If you feel like you can't trust certain people to keep it to themselves I wouldn't bother with it. And the people you do tell, just stress to them the importance of keeping it between you and them, if thats what you desire.

I reached a point recently where I told my mom to back off and not ask unless I bring it up, because it can wear on me when that's all I hear her talk about.  And since it's nearly the only thing I think about, sometimes I need those people to distract me. Setting up some healthy boundaries with her ended up being much better.

As far as your treatment, though it hasn't been a year, I would look into seeing an RE instead of an OB/GYN. Just my 2 cents, I hope you can find some comfort in the decision you make, and fx for AF cooperating with you. 

 

edit: as PP said, you can always pacify people with generic answers when they ask, and someone is bound to throw non-helpful advice your way once they know, so having some on hand is sometimes easier than going into it too deep.

CarolinaGirl411

Welcome.  You really have to weigh out the pros and cons on this one.  I'd lean more towards not telling if you're concerned about who all will find out.  I personally think it's easier to brush it off when people ask than it would be to answer 'are you pregnant yet' every get together.  Out of excitement, I told my Mom when I stopped taking the pill, but she is the only one in my family that knows.  H's family has no clue except his brother and his wife because I broke when she asked, but again this is because I knew it would stay with them.

In the end, it's really up to you and your H how y'all want to handle it.  There are going to be times you want to talk, vent and ask questions and it is nice to have other people to talk to.  When it comes to TTC, I really let a lot out on here or to H and that's all that I'm comfortable with.  Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

DebateThis

I wouldn't be telling anyone anything at this point. You've barely been TTC 7 mos and your periods are mostly on time, it seems (although your post was too darn long so I only skimmed). PCOS does not automatically equal infertility so running to tell your family all about it seems premature and melodramatic.

Durham1008

DebateThis:

I wouldn't be telling anyone anything at this point. You've barely been TTC 7 mos and your periods are mostly on time, it seems (although your post was too darn long so I only skimmed). PCOS does not automatically equal infertility so running to tell your family all about it seems premature and melodramatic.