Feeling lost....

Babybear70

I just feel lost...maybe it is just all the pressure I feel. I don't know. I sort of feel like I go through everyday just following the motions. I have a lot on my plate right now with taking care of our son, studying for my professional architects license, keeping my marriage in tact, taking care of the house, having more responsibility at work...just everything all wrapped up into one. DH says that everything is fine, and that he doesn't feel any strain on our relationship at all and that if I'm feeling it then it is probably me causing it. I agree with him to a point, but I just sort of feel a little distanced from DH and I don't like it. This is exactly what I feared might start to happen after our precious son got here.

To make it worse, I don't want to leave my son on the weekends (my days off) with anyone because I have to do that all week and I feel like because DS goes down so early I hardly get to spend any time with him during the week. So the weekends are my only chance. But that makes it hard on DH and I because I don't feel like going out to dinner and a movie, just the two of us because I'm losing time with DS. I know that is crazy talk, but that is the circle my mind runs in right now. I know I have my whole life to spend with my DS, and a few hours here and there to reconnect with DH won't cause the world to end, but it hurts my heart to think I have to leave DS again on even my day off to go do something that I need to do which is spend time with DH...just the two of us.

Sorry if this is just a rambling pile of goo...but that is my brain for you right now. Thanks for listening ladies.....

mamayo26

Hey I understand where you are coming from, but what I came to realize it that if you want things to feel better your have to do something...if I can make a suggestion based on what worked for me it might help you too. This is just s suggestion based off what has worked for DH and me:

DH and I try to have 1 night a month were we have date night. then we have a family member watch DS. We usually leave around 6:30 or 7, so DS is only up for another hour or so before bed, so we don't miss out on much time with him. It does get easier to leave each time although my mind will still wander to him while we are out, so maybe doing stuff where you will only be away from DS for an hours or so of his awake time might be an option. Baby steps.

Or what about time in the evening...that is when DH and I spend a lot of "our" time together...we watch TV or play cards or whatever. Also, maybe if you have DH help out more with the house up-keep you won't have to do as much and there will be more time for you and DH to spend together (or if you have the cash...get a maid...oh I would love to have someone clean for me).

Whatever you decide to do, GL! 

jess9802

If DS goes down early, why not get a babysitter and go to a dinner and movie on a weekend night while baby is asleep?

In many ways I am in the same boat as you - I feel like my time with baby is so limited due to working outside the home that I am very possessive of my time with him on weekends, but the reality is that a marriage needs to be nurtured. Your son needs to grow up seeing that his parents love and care for each other and make each other a priority. Also, you need to take the time to care for yourself doing something enjoyable and stress-free. It really will help you function better at work and at home.

Babybear70

Both of you girls are right in everything that you said. I like the idea of going out when DS is only going to be up for another hour or so, so we don't miss out on much time with him. And DH has really stepped up in helping with the house stuff so that is a little burden off of me...oh how I would love a maid too!! And jess, you saying that a marriage needs to be nurtured is exactly why I'm having these pains. I want to do that. I never got to see that as a child so that is uncharted territory for me...guess I don't know how to act...heheheh!

We do need to find a baby sitter close by that will come to the house. We can't be running the roads for 1 1/2 hours just to run DS back and forth to the grandparents. And DH's little sister would be fine (she is 17) but she wants to bring her boyfriend all the time, and while I don't want her to be in the house alone, I also fear that she will ignore DS and spend time with her little boy toy. We need to do this....baby steps. Thanks again girls...it is nice to know i'm not alone.

traveltheworld

I second PP?s suggestion about going out after DS is asleep.  I know you might not feel comfortable with your SIL hanging out with her boyfriend and possibly neglecting DS, but if it?s in the evenings, chances are your DS would mostly be sleeping, so I think that should be ok.

 

Even if you can?t make it out of the house, sometimes it?s helpful to just spend dedicated time with each other.  I had to start doing that with DH.  Most nights, after DS goes to sleep, DH and I would just crash on the couch and watch TV since we are both so tired.  But we make a point of picking at least one night a week where he?d make some coffee, we turn the TV off, and just sit there and chat or do something (sort through pictures, play with our cats, etc.) together.  And it has really helped.

 

Good luck! 

ttimmerman

If you work all week and don't get a lot of time with your son, I would make that your priority on the weekends. You do have a lifetime with him, but you also have most of a lifetime (ideally) with your husband, and your son will only be a baby for so long. I agree with going out after he's asleep, or just make a point of having quality time with your husband after your LO goes to bed...you don't have to go out to have a date night.