Attachment Parenting

How to Teach DD to Stop Hitting

Sorry this is so long but I am completely lost. 

 

DD has been hitting since she was about 5 or 6 months old. She's 16 months now, and ever since we have been trying to teach her not to but nothing has worked. The only thing that I know of that we haven't tried would be considered discipline and I think she is too young to understand that. Some people have suggested to us that we should hit her back and I would never in a million years do that. I am sort of starting to get frustrated because now she is very strong, and recently she hit me with a toy between the eyes and I blacked out for a moment. I have no idea how to teach her that her actions cause pain and are inappropriate.

I know a lot of kids hit, especially at her age, but most of the kids I've seen hitting do so on the arm or leg or whatever, but DD is a slapper or a puncher. She goes right for the face every single time, and uses an open palm or a closed fist indiscriminately. 

She has NEVER witnessed abuse in the home in any way (we don't even believe in yelling) and she does not watch television so she's never witnessed violence from that either. 

I know its partly because of communication frustration, even though she knows a ton of words and she can even speak a few sentences, there are a lot of things she hasn't learned to tell us and when she gets mad she hits. At this point I can see when its about to escalate to that point and I try redirecting her but it doesn't always work.

Also she thinks its hilarious. One thing someone suggested to me was to cry out in pain or say ouch when she hits, and then she will feel bad for causing pain and then stop doing it. But she thinks the noise I make and my reaction is funny, so she does it more, and laughs hysterically the whole time. I don't think she realizes that the noise and reaction is from pain. I've tried everything from simply saying, "Ouch" to going way dramatic and sobbing in pain, thinking that if I acted like she does when she gets hurt, then she will realize that I'm crying in pain. Nothing works. Its just very entertaining.

Now, if I tell her, "Ouch! You hit mommy and give mommy a boo boo! It hurts." She'll say "Sowwie" and then give me a hug and a kiss. A lot of times she also says, "Jee-tum" (Gentle) and rubs my arm or whatever because when she hits we say, "show me gentle touch". Its so sweet that I can't be upset. But then she turns right back around and hits me again, and then goes through the motions of kissing me and saying she's sorry. But again, its so precious that I can't say anything and its all I can do not to cry. Because I know she's not doing it to be mean. (And she only just learned to give kisses so I pretty much take them in whatever form they are offered) I know she also doesn't understand what an apology is but its still so sweet and cute and I'm not going to stop her from doing it or speak to her harshly if she is being affectionate. Its like a game where she hits and then kisses the boo boo, and I know I'm playing along and I don't know how to stop the cycle. 

I asked her daycare teachers if she hits and they said she rarely ever does (I nearly passed out because she hits me like 5 or 6 times in a 2 or 3 hour period), but all the kids pretty much hit each other all day so to them its not a big deal. She said she has never hit a teacher, only other kids. They told me how they deal with it and I've seen it first hand. They basically redirect and sometimes they try to get the kids to apologize. Which is where DD learned 'Sowwie' and hug and kiss after hitting.

I tried putting her in her crib for 'alone time' for about 60-90 seconds after hitting me, thinking that if she saw she wouldn't get attention for the action she would stop. Like she would hit me and I'd tell her to stop or she would need some alone time. And then she'd do it again so I'd put her in the crib (with toys) and then stand or sit across the room from her, where she could see me and not be scared, but enough to show her that I wasn't going to keep being her punching bag. It only made her more mad and frustrated and when I'd go to get her out of the crib she would hit me more.

We tried teaching her "gentle touch" and now her favorite thing to do is start out by petting someone veeery gentle and saying "jee-tum" over and over again and then hitting very hard the person makes her stop. She is especially bad about doing this to the cats if they come anywhere near her and now they are terrified of her. 

I am beginning to wonder if she's got some aggressiveness issue or something. She has a very strong preference for DH over me (I was really sick for several months and DH was her main caretaker 98% of the time so she bonded with him rather than me), and she hits me all the time and rarely ever hits him. She also gets VERY angry when DH hugs me or kisses me and she tries to separate us. If she's in her high chair and can't get to us, she swats at the air in my direction until he stops. A lot of times if he goes and picks her up from daycare and brings her home and I'm already here, she gets mad when DH puts her down in front of me and she hits me first thing when she gets through the door. I don't know what any of that is about.

I have no idea what's left to try. We tell her probably a hundred times a day that hands are not for hitting, to use her words, we try to speak for her to help her learn to words she needs to communicate, we demonstrate gentle touches, we redirect, everything...

Does anyone have any experience with this? Is this normal or do I need to discuss it more thoroughly with her pedi? I've talked about it before and they keep telling me its normal but... I don't know anymore. 

image

image image Visit The Nest!

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Lilypie Second Birthday tickers

Re: How to Teach DD to Stop Hitting

  • My first thought was that it's a phase, and just to be consistent with your response.

    When DD1 went through a hitting/biting phase, around 18mths, I just every single time put her away from me. Not in a time out, but sust off my knee, or moved her a few feet from me. I would remind her that we use gentle hands, and that I don't want her near me if she's going to hit. To me that is simply a natural consequence of unpleasant behaviour.

    BUT DD1 was very even tempered and not particuarly strong willed or feisty. 

    It sounds like your DD is strong willed with what she wants. So it may take longer to see results, regardless of how consistent you are.

    Are you able to have some more one on one time with DD? Maybe do some particularly fun stuff with her and/or attend to more of her daily needs? 

    I would revisit this with your pedi. It may just be that she is strong-willed, but it never hurts to talk it through with a health professional. Maybe a referral to a behaviourist could help you get some new ideas, regardless of if there is anything "wrong" or not.

    image
    Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
    image


  • How does your DH act when she hits your or "swats in the air?" It sounds like it's jealousy inspired, mostly... so I would assume that it would be more effective to have him scold her/put in the crib etc. when he is around to see it.

    In times of when you are alone with DD I like my SIL's method of just saying "no." and walking away, fake ignoring her son until he came up and said sorry. It seemed to demonstrate that if you hit people they won't want to be around you anymore. 

    photo ttgl_zps49ec0de7.jpg
  • Loading the player...
  • I would talk to your pediatrician and see what they think, and make sure to mention that you think she might have bonding issues with you, too.
    DS1 - Feb 2008

    DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)

  • Just skimmed, but wanted to let you know that impulse control doesn't develop until after age 5/6... not to say that a younger child can't ever control an impulse, but it's not something that should be expected. I would keep teaching gentle hands, and when she hits say something along the lines of "Oh, I can see you want to hit something... let's bang on this pot with this spoon". Providing ample opportunities to "hit" appropriate things may decrease her desire to hit people. Same with biting.. giving appropriate things to bite will help as will increasing oral stimulation.... frozen fruit/popsicles, sour things, chewy things (age approriate things!).

     DS1 is 3 and loves to bang on things... and *needs* to hit.. so I have to make sure he gets plenty of sticks/pots, etc. This still doesn't change the fact that he will randomly hit his brother, but it helps! I, also can't leave them alone together... because he hasn't developed (complete) impulse control yet!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • imagedreadiemama:

    How does your DH act when she hits your or "swats in the air?" It sounds like it's jealousy inspired, mostly... so I would assume that it would be more effective to have him scold her/put in the crib etc. when he is around to see it.

    In times of when you are alone with DD I like my SIL's method of just saying "no." and walking away, fake ignoring her son until he came up and said sorry. It seemed to demonstrate that if you hit people they won't want to be around you anymore. 

    When she hits me and she's actually upset she makes a frown and whines when she does it. If she is hitting to get attention she smirks, and looks at me while she does it. When she swats at the air to get DH to stop hugging me, she cries out like she is in pain and swats angrily. Sometimes with both hands and if DH doesn't stop hugging then she will have a full on screaming fit.

    DH is not as patient as I am when it comes to hitting and he holds her hand and says, "NO" and that's it. Sometimes he says "we don't hit" or "gentle touch". Or he tries to hold her to make her stop. This ends in a fit from her. I am trying to get him to realize that saying "no" by itself isn't enough but its hard. He either needs to explain it to her or get up and walk away so she'll stop. He knows it but in the moment his reaction is "She's hitting and needs to stop." and he forgets what he's supposed to say. I don't know why but when she's hitting or throwing a fit he always tries to hold her to make her stop, but it makes it so much worse. I always tell him to let her go and if she wants to flop around in the floor screaming then to let her do it until she realizes she's not getting attention, but he wants her to stop SO bad. Its really not helping at all.

    image

    image image Visit The Nest!

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • I try doing that when I see she's frustrated and needs an outlet, so I give her things she can bang and make a fun noise or something. Sometimes it does work, but a lot of times she is still upset and turns on me with whatever object I gave her. That's what happened the time that she hit me so hard I blacked out.

    Thank goodness we don't have trouble with biting. She is constantly getting bitten at daycare so I wonder if she knows that biting hurts and not to do it. I really have no idea.

    image

    image image Visit The Nest!

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • I think you are being a little too wishy-washy in how you are handeling it an she sees it as a game you play. I she hits you I would put her down and say something like "that isn't nice, we touch gently, we don't hit." and put her down and walk away and ignore her completly until she seems ready to give you a hug. Don't give in even if she is pulling on you and screaming and trowing a fit. If she is following you and hitting you more next time you could ty putting her in the playpen or crib and walking away and doing something else. If when you come back she hits you again well then you walk away again with the same short an simple phrase (no discussions) You can tell here you will be back to see if she is ready. If you stay in the room make sure you are busy and ignoring her. She will get the point. It sounds like she is getting her way when she is trowing tantrums which make them repeat.

    Make sure that when she is ready for hugs that you take time for that an tell her you love her.

    Also you could try redirection. same phrase followed by why don't we ...

    I think you need to find a way to break the cycle of the game and practicing gentle touches is deffinetly a game for her.

    I would also ignore the fits when you are affectionate with your DH, Both my kids sometimes have a problem with it too but they have to learn that parents are affectionate with each other too. I think it is something they need to see to have healthy relationships later. We do follow it by a group hug if they want. So inclued them too.

    good luck. I know how frustrating it can be when you feel like you have tried everything!

     

    Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickers

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • imagebeautiflaw:

    I try doing that when I see she's frustrated and needs an outlet, so I give her things she can bang and make a fun noise or something. Sometimes it does work, but a lot of times she is still upset and turns on me with whatever object I gave her. That's what happened the time that she hit me so hard I blacked out.

    Thank goodness we don't have trouble with biting. She is constantly getting bitten at daycare so I wonder if she knows that biting hurts and not to do it. I really have no idea.

    I know it's hard :( IMhumbleO, I don't think she's old enough to really understand the hurt of her actions. She does understand that those actions get a reaction. When I was able to not react to the pain, and be matter-of-fact about things, that helped (wasn't easy). We just have to repeat, ad nauseum.. gentle hands, hitting hurts, I will not let you hurt me, followed by making it happen... keeping him apart from DS2 or holding him gently. I may have him sit in the rocking chair, and I stay near-by if it's me he's hitting and give his feeling validation... I can see you are really mad (etc.) right now. It's ok to be mad, it is not ok to hit. Also I try to teach gentle hands outside of the situation/moment (if he's hitting because he's angry). He very much will throw something, so I only redirect the hitting to something soft when he's angry (pillow)... so, I wouldn't give her any thing hard when she's upset! Stay close enough that she knows you didn't dessert (?spl) her, but far enough away to keep you safe.

    Also, making sure we had the PHALT bases covered... does he need to potty/pain from teething, is he hungry/thirsty (big one for us!), angry- dealt with that one a lot when DS2 was born, and that just took a lot of reassurance/one-on-one time and time for us all to adjust, lonely or is he tired. Has your LO got her one yr molars in yet? It's normal for them to go through phases of wanting one parent over the other, so reassuarance from that parent (your DH) while he's showing you affection may help.. maybe make a game out of the affection. He gives you tickle kisses, then gives her some tickle kisses back and forth... I don't know.. just tossing around some ideas so maybe something might help!!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • imageBrooke81:

    I think you are being a little too wishy-washy in how you are handeling it an she sees it as a game you play. I she hits you I would put her down and say something like "that isn't nice, we touch gently, we don't hit." and put her down and walk away and ignore her completly until she seems ready to give you a hug. Don't give in even if she is pulling on you and screaming and trowing a fit. If she is following you and hitting you more next time you could ty putting her in the playpen or crib and walking away and doing something else. If when you come back she hits you again well then you walk away again with the same short an simple phrase (no discussions) You can tell here you will be back to see if she is ready. If you stay in the room make sure you are busy and ignoring her. She will get the point. It sounds like she is getting her way when she is trowing tantrums which make them repeat.

    Make sure that when she is ready for hugs that you take time for that an tell her you love her.

    Also you could try redirection. same phrase followed by why don't we ...

    I think you need to find a way to break the cycle of the game and practicing gentle touches is deffinetly a game for her.

    I would also ignore the fits when you are affectionate with your DH, Both my kids sometimes have a problem with it too but they have to learn that parents are affectionate with each other too. I think it is something they need to see to have healthy relationships later. We do follow it by a group hug if they want. So inclued them too.

    good luck. I know how frustrating it can be when you feel like you have tried everything!

     

     

    This. Stop playing her game. 

    IMG_8355
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    image
  • imagebeautiflaw:

    When she hits me and she's actually upset she makes a frown and whines when she does it. If she is hitting to get attention she smirks, and looks at me while she does it. When she swats at the air to get DH to stop hugging me, she cries out like she is in pain and swats angrily. Sometimes with both hands and if DH doesn't stop hugging then she will have a full on screaming fit.

    DH is not as patient as I am when it comes to hitting and he holds her hand and says, "NO" and that's it. Sometimes he says "we don't hit" or "gentle touch". Or he tries to hold her to make her stop. This ends in a fit from her. I am trying to get him to realize that saying "no" by itself isn't enough but its hard. He either needs to explain it to her or get up and walk away so she'll stop. He knows it but in the moment his reaction is "She's hitting and needs to stop." and he forgets what he's supposed to say. I don't know why but when she's hitting or throwing a fit he always tries to hold her to make her stop, but it makes it so much worse. I always tell him to let her go and if she wants to flop around in the floor screaming then to let her do it until she realizes she's not getting attention, but he wants her to stop SO bad. Its really not helping at all.

    I reserve my No's  for important things and hitting is one of them. When DD hits me I say firmly "No. We use gentle hands"  she'll shake her head no and then I demonstrate gentle hands and she will stroke my arm. DH usually just says "No" and she'll shake her head no at him. 

    She may not understand that we don't hit because violence isn't acceptable or because hitting hurts or because there are better ways to express frustration but she understands "no." Now if I told her no for every little thing I am sure it would be ineffective but since I use it so infrequently it works well.

    We are moving in about a month and have been spending time at the house we're moving into. The glass in one of the living room windows is loose so I've been working with DD on not touching the window glass. I've never told her no but I've shown her the glass and said "glass, we don't touch glass." We've done it about a million times. Now she runs to the window points and the glass and says (in the most adorable voice I've ever heard) "gass, no, no, no" while shaking her head. She knows what no means even though I didn't necessarily say no.

    I want to add that I agree with the advice given by other PP's. She may need an outlet for hitting and banging and a drum could be a great investment. I do think she considers hitting you a game while with your H she knows it's not going to fly. She may not understand why hitting is unacceptable but if she responds to your H you might just try doing what he's doing.

    ETA: "this is not totally AP advice" disclaimer.


    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • My son is almost 2 and started hitting me agressively a couple months ago. He actually broke my nose in early December. He usually only hits me, unless I am not around. If another person, or a toy, or the general sitation makes him angry, he will come into another room to find me and hit me - and I SAH for 16 months and work PT now, so we're definitely bonded. I guess it's like his way of tantruming, because I can count on one hand the number of times he has actually had a temper tantrum.

    We tried everything - consistantly reminding him to be gentle, telling him it hurts, it's not nice to hit, ignoring him when he hits, time out. The only thing that has worked so far is to teach him to do something else with his hands when he is angry. We've made kind of a game of it. When he comes toward me with a hand raised, I grab the hand and say, "It's not nice to hit. You are MAD. What do we do when we're mad? We...clap our hands! Touch our nose! Spin in a circle! And give mama a biiiiig hug!" The clapping helps him get the rid of the physical urge to hit, and the rest distracts him.

    Good luck!

    ETA: My son has sensory processing disorder and this advice actually came from our OT, so it absolutely may not be right for you guys. For us, it came down to the fact that he knew that hitting wasn't right (he immediately would pat me and say, "gentle, nice") but he needed to get that frustration out in some way.

    image


    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I disagree that toddlers are "too young for discipline" as you say.  It seems like your DD, even at the tender age of 1, interacts with you as an equal more than she regards you as an authority or caretaker figure.  All this hitting, saying "sowwie" and showing you her "jee-tum" is a big game to her.  My sense is that you have to up your status in her eyes by taking a more stern stance.  Here's how I dealt with it when my kids went through a hitting phase:

    For both of my kiddos, this behavior peaked somewhere between 18 months and age 2.  I was very comfortable with this approach, but some parents might find it to be sterner than they can handle.  In your case, I think taking a firmer approach would help you seem more like

    When he lashed out physically, I would take his hands firmly in my hands and say in a very serious tone, "NO HITTING.  I cannot let these hands hit.  Hitting hurts others and we DO NOT HIT."  The tone is really important, especially if the child isn't super verbal yet, or is so wound up that your words aren't going to cut through the excitement/frustration that led to the hitting.  Don't yell, but you lower the pitch of your voice and raise the volume a notch.  Speak slowly and clearly so that you command the child's attention.  Then continue, "When these hands are ready to be gentle and nice, I will let them go."

    Then hold the child's hands firmly until the struggle is over and the child has lost the impulse to strike out physically.  Depending on your child, you might offer to allow her to hit a pillow or cushion.  

    The key is to help the child learn to recognize when they are feeling the urge to hit and to direct that impulse into something other than hitting.  I would watch my son like a hawk through this stage.  If I saw him getting to a point where he might be tempted to hit, I'd jump in and use my firm, commanding voice to say, "Easy there! I see you're feeling upset.  Can you use words instead?  Do you need to hit a pillow?"  If he was able to resist the urge to hit, I'd generously praise him for being such a big boy, etc.  It's really an accomplishment for a one year old to be able to recognize the impulse and to stop themselves.

    If you take a sterner approach for 3 weeks and it doesn't change things, I'd consider looking into family or parenting counseling, just to get an expert opinion on the dynamic that's formed because of your illness and recovery.  The three of you might benefit from an objective outsider's point of view.

    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
  • THe reason people tell you to hit her back is because that si a simple way for her to understand HER actions cause OTHERS pain. I'm not suggesting you beat your child.A simple slap on the hand (not face) would probably do the trick. My mother did this with biting, never happened again. THey simply don't get they are hurting you. You need to convey they that, and "doing it back" is a simplistic way to teach a toddler. Just curious at what age you think it is appropriate to discipline a child? You have to start somewhere, or else you will have a very confused child the first time you do it. Hitting (and causing you to black out) is certainly a reason to discipline a child. You don't need to hit them with the force you would an adult, or our of anger, but just enough to get them to understand "Hey, hitting hurts."
    AnniversaryBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker BabyFruit Ticker
  • imageBlueDevilLady:
    imageneverblushed:

    It seems like your DD, even at the tender age of 1, interacts with you as an equal more than she regards you as an authority or caretaker figure. 

    This is what I was trying to touch on but couldn't articulate. She needs to understand that the two of you are not competing for Daddy's affection..you are his WIFE and she is his DAUGHTER and the two roles are not equal. You're well now and it's time for her to accept you back in your role as authority figure and Daddy's wife..the hitting is a way of asserting her dominance over you.


    imageJ9bondgirl:
    THe reason people tell you to hit her back is because that si a simple way for her to understand HER actions cause OTHERS pain. I'm not suggesting you beat your child.A simple slap on the hand (not face) would probably do the trick. My mother did this with biting, never happened again. THey simply don't get they are hurting you. You need to convey they that, and "doing it back" is a simplistic way to teach a toddler. Just curious at what age you think it is appropriate to discipline a child? You have to start somewhere, or else you will have a very confused child the first time you do it. Hitting (and causing you to black out) is certainly a reason to discipline a child. You don't need to hit them with the force you would an adult, or our of anger, but just enough to get them to understand "Hey, hitting hurts."

    I am gobsmacked that these are both answers on the attachment parenting board (which I also mistakenly think of as the gentle parenting board). This woman has a toddler, not a dog and not a teenager. This is some of the worst advice I've read on the Bump (which is impressive!). 

    DS1 - Feb 2008

    DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)

  • "I asked her daycare teachers if she hits and they said she rarely ever does (I nearly passed out because she hits me like 5 or 6 times in a 2 or 3 hour period), but all the kids pretty much hit each other all day so to them its not a big deal. She said she has never hit a teacher, only other kids. They told me how they deal with it and I've seen it first hand. They basically redirect and sometimes they try to get the kids to apologize. Which is where DD learned 'Sowwie' and hug and kiss after hitting."

    It's true, kids hit each other, but I wonder what's going on at your day care if kids hit each other all day.  I was a preschool teacher for kids with special needs, many of whom couldn't communicate, and hitting was NOT the norm in my class.  This makes me very uncomfortable.

    That aside: if she's truly not hitting at day care nor hitting your husband, than she is likely responding to your reaction.  It sounds like you've done a lot, but I wonder how consistently you employed each strategy.  If she likes the game of being gentle, then hitting you, I think your time out strategy sounds most likely to be successful.  I would tell her "ouch, that hurts, we can't play together when you hit me," and put her in her crib.  Wait a minute, get her out, if she hits you again, do the same thing.  She may hit you a lot in the beginning.  Try employing this strategy for a week or two before changing.  It can take a long time to re-learn how to interact, and right now, this is one of the ways you guys interact. 

    When DD hits of bites me, I say "ouch" (it's my very natural reaction) and tell her that she hurt me.  If she does it again, I put her down.  When she gets hurt, I make sure to label her pain with the same language "Oh no, that's an ouch, that must hurt."  I'm hoping she will draw the connection between her experience and my experience if the same language is used for both.  But, we've only just entered this phase of our relationship, so we'll see...

    Also, DD has gone back and forth with who she prefers - Momma or Dadda.  Right now she prefers Dadda because he'll hold her hand to let her walk for hours on end.  In the past, she preferred Momma because I'd sit and read with her for hours on end.  Don't let it get to you :) 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • imageJ9bondgirl:
    THe reason people tell you to hit her back is because that si a simple way for her to understand HER actions cause OTHERS pain. I'm not suggesting you beat your child.A simple slap on the hand (not face) would probably do the trick. My mother did this with biting, never happened again. THey simply don't get they are hurting you. You need to convey they that, and "doing it back" is a simplistic way to teach a toddler. Just curious at what age you think it is appropriate to discipline a child? You have to start somewhere, or else you will have a very confused child the first time you do it. Hitting (and causing you to black out) is certainly a reason to discipline a child. You don't need to hit them with the force you would an adult, or our of anger, but just enough to get them to understand "Hey, hitting hurts."

     

    I understand the reasoning behind it, but I personally feel that telling a child not to bite or to hit and then biting them or hitting them sets the wrong example. To me, it says, "Do as I say, not as I do". If it works for some people, then that's fine and its not my place to judge, but I personally don't think I could ever do that. I'm not going to show my child that doing drugs is bad by doing drugs and overdosing. I'm not going to show my child that financial responsibility is important by getting myself into debt. 

    I believe that disciplinary actions such as time outs or having toys and privileges taken away need to wait until the child can understand the meaning behind the discipline. She is too young to understand right now. When I think she is old enough to understand, then we will start with time out. I will never hit or spank my child.

    image

    image image Visit The Nest!

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • imagephdprocrastinator:

    It's true, kids hit each other, but I wonder what's going on at your day care if kids hit each other all day.  I was a preschool teacher for kids with special needs, many of whom couldn't communicate, and hitting was NOT the norm in my class.  This makes me very uncomfortable.

    That aside: if she's truly not hitting at day care nor hitting your husband, than she is likely responding to your reaction.  It sounds like you've done a lot, but I wonder how consistently you employed each strategy.  If she likes the game of being gentle, then hitting you, I think your time out strategy sounds most likely to be successful.  I would tell her "ouch, that hurts, we can't play together when you hit me," and put her in her crib.  Wait a minute, get her out, if she hits you again, do the same thing.  She may hit you a lot in the beginning.  Try employing this strategy for a week or two before changing.  It can take a long time to re-learn how to interact, and right now, this is one of the ways you guys interact. 

    When DD hits of bites me, I say "ouch" (it's my very natural reaction) and tell her that she hurt me.  If she does it again, I put her down.  When she gets hurt, I make sure to label her pain with the same language "Oh no, that's an ouch, that must hurt."  I'm hoping she will draw the connection between her experience and my experience if the same language is used for both.  But, we've only just entered this phase of our relationship, so we'll see...

    Also, DD has gone back and forth with who she prefers - Momma or Dadda.  Right now she prefers Dadda because he'll hold her hand to let her walk for hours on end.  In the past, she preferred Momma because I'd sit and read with her for hours on end.  Don't let it get to you :) 

     

    As far as the daycare goes, her class has gotten a bit of a hitting epidemic lately. From what I understand two children were enrolled that were from troubled backgrounds, and then brought that to class with them. Since then all the kids in her class have started hitting and the daycare teachers have been trying to stop it. None of the other classes have had this issue. They don't do time out until age 3 and up until that point they do redirection. So far they have just been redirecting and making them apologize and hug. Sometimes if they get really upset they will have them sit in a chair and read a book or something until they are calm.

    I will definitely try the word thing. She says ouch too so maybe it will help!

    image

    image image Visit The Nest!

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"