1st open adoption meeting

Karen1024

Hi! We are preparing to meet with our LO birthparents for the first time next week.  We hope to meet the biological father who was denying paternity until the day we took her home from the hospital when he showed up out of nowhere!  (Imagine the stress that caused everyone!) Our daughter has a full sister who will be there too.  I'm a little anxious.  The birthmother has been texting me for photos and stuff over the past 3 months.  I don't mind that as it seems to be lessening and if it makes her feel good about the placement and our daughter's safety than I am ok.  I feel a little bad that I don't text her but I need to set limits. If our relationship morphs into something closer fine, but it will have to do that over years of relating, not right away. 

 About a month after she was born our LO had surgery for pyloric stenosis.  I didn't  tell the BM about it at the time because I was feeling the need to separate us from her.  It felt like she wanted to be a member of the family and telling her her daughter had surgery one month later seemed like an invitation for enmeshment and drama! But she does have a tiny scar.  It might go unnoticed.  But its the kind of thing you put in a baby update letter I think.  Any advice on how to prepare for this?  My motto is just to jump in and do it no matter how clumsy.  Maybe some of you have some advice though? 

silliestbunny

If it is brought up, I'd down play it.  On the off chance, the BM seems astounded that you didn't share, I'd be non-chalant and tell her you didn't want to worry her unnecessarily.

Dr.Loretta

I tend to agree with pp. Heck, we've been doing that with our own family. DD had a lump on her leg at 4 weeks, and I freaked. She had ultrasounds and there was talk of surgery, but it ended up resolving. We opted not to tell family, because we now they'd make a huge deal out of it. I still have to stop myself if it pops into my head while they're around.

Karen1024

Think I will just not bring it up!  Plus, I'll put her in a onsie so there should be no reason her tummy is exposed (unless a diaper change situation arises and then we'll try not to give her the chance to offer to change her!) I think the scar will be almost invisible a year from now...   

I really hope her birthparents, especially the mother, do really well from here on out! It's going to be weird having our daughter's sister raised so differently, especially with a pretty large economic disparity! If she doesn't have any more children, we may offer to help pay for her daughter's college or something... 

sgb721

silliestbunny:

If it is brought up, I'd down play it.  On the off chance, the BM seems astounded that you didn't share, I'd be non-chalant and tell her you didn't want to worry her unnecessarily.

I agree ^

Foster1Mom

silliestbunny:

If it is brought up, I'd down play it.  On the off chance, the BM seems astounded that you didn't share, I'd be non-chalant and tell her you didn't want to worry her unnecessarily.

 

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