MrsNorry

Ziegeficker

I know I don't post much so you may not know me at all, but I remember reading somewhat recently that your mom passed away.  My mom died when I was 32 weeks pregnant somewhat suddenly from a resurgence of lung cancer (I posted about it on PgAL back in August when it happened).  I have been struggling since then, because my LO was to be her first grandbaby, and it breaks my heart every time I think of how she missed out on the opportunity to get to know him and shower him with affection.  It's also hard to find time to grieve when you're caring for a baby...and it's hard figuring out my path to motherhood without my own mother around.

Nobody asks how I'm coping with her death anymore, they only ask about LO.  So, in case you're finding the same to be true in your case, how are you doing? 

 

ETA: I hope it does not seem terribly strange that I ask this or that I have thought of you in this respect.  It's just that, in my group of friends, it's hard for anybody to understand what it feels like to lose a mom given my young age (27), and it's doubly hard to find someone who understands what it's like to lose a mom when you've just had a baby.

[Deleted User]

Hi! I recognize you. Thank you for checking up on me. I do not find it strange at all. I kind of feel like those of us who have lost parents (and especially us women who have lost our mothers) have a connection. So no, not weird at all.

Everything you have described has been me to a T. It has been almost two months and it has been incredibly hard to deal with, especially with C. She is not an "easy" baby, she's still up every 3 hours to eat (sometimes every 2 hours like last night!). I SO agree with what you said about it being hard to grieve. I have NO time for myself to just catch my breath.

I used to talk to my mom on the phone every single day. Pretty much daily I reach for the phone still to call her to ask her advice, or about a recipe that she used to make. And I can't, and it sucks. Nobody IRL really asks how I'm doing anymore, not even my family, and I'm an only child so it's kinda like being stranded on a boat by myself. I frequently tell MH that I'm an orphan now since both of my parents are gone, which I know with ILs and such it isn't true, but it is not the same.

Wow, that got long. Sorry, lol. Like I said, you are right that no one asks. So thank you for asking. And I'm so sorry about your mom. I know it's been longer for you, but I'm sure it hurts just as much. Big ((hugs)).

ShabyKitty

This makes me sad. Huge hugs to both of you ladies. I couldn't imagine how hard it must be and you're both strong women for keeping it together.

Ziegeficker

MrsNorry:

Hi! I recognize you. Thank you for checking up on me. I do not find it strange at all. I kind of feel like those of us who have lost parents (and especially us women who have lost our mothers) have a connection. So no, not weird at all.

Everything you have described has been me to a T. It has been almost two months and it has been incredibly hard to deal with, especially with C. She is not an "easy" baby, she's still up every 3 hours to eat (sometimes every 2 hours like last night!). I SO agree with what you said about it being hard to grieve. I have NO time for myself to just catch my breath.

I used to talk to my mom on the phone every single day. Pretty much daily I reach for the phone still to call her to ask her advice, or about a recipe that she used to make. And I can't, and it sucks. Nobody IRL really asks how I'm doing anymore, not even my family, and I'm an only child so it's kinda like being stranded on a boat by myself. I frequently tell MH that I'm an orphan now since both of my parents are gone, which I know with ILs and such it isn't true, but it is not the same.

Wow, that got long. Sorry, lol. Like I said, you are right that no one asks. So thank you for asking. And I'm so sorry about your mom. I know it's been longer for you, but I'm sure it hurts just as much. Big ((hugs)).

I still think about calling my mom a lot, too.  I thought that particular part of my grief would have passed by now, but it hasn't.  It is just really hard to wrap my head around sometimes, especially since my mom was the only one who understood my snarky sense of humor and relatively cynical take on life.  I love my baby to death, but sometimes when he frustrates me, I don't feel comfortable telling anyone for fear they will judge me...that's something only your mother can understand, ya know?

My husband always asks why I don't just talk to his mom about these things.  I keep telling him that, even though she and I have a great relationship as far as in-laws go, it's not the same.  In fact, part of it makes me even more sad and kind of guilty for trying to seek out a "replacement."  Nobody can replace your own mother.

Christmas was hard, because we spent it with my husband's family.  Again, I love my in-laws to death, but seeing them all gathered as a family and happy made me realize that will never happen for me again.  Maybe in time I will see things differently, but for now that's not the case.

I wish people would ask us more about our mothers.  We're not afraid to talk about how much we love and miss them.  And, seriously, we're not done grieving in a week, so I don't know why people stop asking so soon. It makes me feel isolated in my grief.

Hugs to you too, and message me if you ever want to talk about it.  I am five months out, but sometimes it feels just like yesterday.  I still have dreams about her on a near-nightly basis.

[Deleted User]

Thank you ladies, you are all so sweet. It is rough, most days it's really rough, but we soldier on. No real choice in the matter.