What to ask?

maryoosa

Our social network reached out to us and asked us if we would be interested in a birth family situation - of course- we are, and our agency does agency assisted adoption as well as traditional agency adoptions. 

We shared our profile with this Birth parent's  liason and the  birth parent  contacted us and wants to meet (they are interviewing a few families, so we're not getting our hopes up etc). but what should we ask at the meeting? I know that we shouldn't all be like "hey there maybe baby tell us everything about the pregnancy"

But what should we definitely ask at the first meeting?

 

Thanks for your help! 

crene84

The first time I spoke with EPs, I asked how they were feeling, how long they'd been considering adoption (which normally led to them telling me why they were considering it without me having to ask), if their families were supportive (including the birth father)...etc.  Depending on the chemistry/mood, you can normally tell if you can get into the more personal questions, or if you need to save those for a future meeting.  I found most EPs were very up front about things so it was always less awkward than I anticipated.  Good luck!

orangecupcake

Exciting! Good luck!

I would probably ask their interests and about them, try to find some common ground or interests? Offer your stories and histories. I think you can definitely ask baby questions, just not make it your main focus.

 When we met dd's BM, we asked her what she saw in our profile that made her want to meet us. We also asked what her hopes for the baby were.

 Let us know how it goes! 

maryoosa

Thanks that's helpful. I'm going to ask them about their school stuff- I'm a professor (clearly not at the same institution) but I'm in the same field as they are and some other stuff and we have other stuff in common. It's very early in the pregnancy so trying not to get hopes up too high.

IRR

GL - great suggestions so far.  Not sure how far along she is, but would ask how she is feeling, why they are making an adoption plan and what about your profile they liked.  What are they hoping for this child, etc.

mnmello

It's definitely just about establishing rapport, making a connection and finding common ground. You can certainly ask how the pregnancy's been going and how she's been feeling - but the pregnancy and thought of "this could be our baby!" should not be the focus. 

I had meetings with 3 different couples and it was very obvious to me which ones I connected with most. They made me feel the most comfortable, like I could trust them and I liked their story/situation/lifestyle the best. I know I had my own agenda of questions, but from what I can remember what impacted me the most was hearing just how they live their life - their jobs, how they were raising their son, their extended families, etc. 

Good luck!

maryoosa

Thanks mnmello,

 

That's a great perspective. 

 

M