Worrying doesn't do any good, but I can't help it — The Bump
Military Families

Worrying doesn't do any good, but I can't help it

I'm a worrier. Always have been, always will be. I can't stop stressing about how quickly everything will change.

I'm pregnant with our first and am due July 3rd. Well, we have to be out of our apartment on July 10th. We are at Drum and are taking the 13 hour drive back home to Kentucky. My husband ETS' (terminal leave starting in July) in September. Our landlords have already found tenants wanting to move in very shortly after the 10th...which is when our contract is up. I'm just so stressed. The last thing I want to do is be induced.

We have two vehicles and are doing a dity back home. We were planning on flying my MIL up here around July 1st...now I'm thinking we shouldn't. She can't drive, will never drive, doesn't have a license or anything.  I just can't seem to figure out how me driving will work out. Especially since I've got my mind set on the fact that I am only going to BF at first. 

Everyone keeps telling me to just move back home with my parent's. But if I do that, I'm scared I'll give birth without my husband. I keep thinking that maybe I'll get lucky and be overdue. I know you're not supposed to travel past 36 weeks, but if the 10th gets here and LO still hasn't shown up, we will just make the 13hr drive over night. Then, since where we are going is 30 mins from Knox, I can just give birth there. 

Sorry for the nonsense, I keep going over it trying to figure this whole situation out. I feel everyone is trying to make my decisions for me regarding this baby. MIL thinks I shouldn't BF, at my last appt my OB said we will talk about induction in my upcoming appts. I just do not want any of that. I suppose the best bet would be flying someone up here who can drive my car back. It makes the most sense. I'm done rambling. Thanks for putting up with me 

Re: Worrying doesn't do any good, but I can't help it

  • That sounds extremely stressful. I guess it's too late to suggest extending your lease for a month? There just isn't any room for the unexpected in your timeline. We moved with DS (by plane) a month after he was born. We moved out of our house about three weeks after he was born, then stayed in the Navy Lodge until we flew out.

    A 13 hour drive with a newborn will probably become a much longer drive, both for you to get up and walk around, and to stop and feed LO, etc. I also don't think that most doctors would advise driving that long in a car so soon after giving birth.

    Definitely talk to your doc about the length of your car ride - he/she will be able to tell you potential issues with that.

    At the very least, make sure whoever comes to help can at least help with the driving. 

    Honestly (and this is probably not what you want to hear), giving birth near your family sounds like the least-stressful situation to me. It would be sad if your DH missed the birth, but what really matters is that you and baby are in a place where you will have time and opportunity to recover.

    If you really want to give birth where you are now, maybe you can make temporary living arrangements for a couple of weeks so you don't have to jump in the car the day after you give birth?

    And just from experience, do as much stuff as possible waaaay before your due date. Since you're doing a DITY, pack up anything you don't absolutely need. I made the mistake of assuming I'd have plenty of time, and then I was stuck in the hospital for 9 days after DS was born. (He had a mild case of pneumonia.) When we finally went home, DS never wanted to nap, and it was soooo hard to get any packing done. Live off of the bare minimum. Pack your dishes and use paper plates. Pack up your decorative stuff. Pack all of your linens except for one set. Pack your off-season clothes. Anything you can do without, just pack it up.

    I hope all of that made sense. I understand your situation to an extent (moving soon after LO is born), and I know it's sooo stressful. I believe that moving and having a baby are two of the most stressful life situations, and having both at the same time really puts a strain on everything.

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  • Personally, I'd move home sooner. Chances are(if you're a FTM and low risk) you will go past your due date but that means DH will have joined you by then. If you're up for driving just leave a few weeks earlier. Its a few weeks away from YH but it means getting you safely to the location you'll be. My cousin just moved with a week old baby and it was very hard for them.

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    CJ 05/29/2013

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  • The good thing is, we live in a tiny one bedroom so we don't have too many things. All of our belongings will fit in a trailer we pull behind the SUV. I've already packed all of my pre-pregnancy clothes and even started on my husband's. We talked some when my husband got home and I know my MIL is going to be pissed since this is her first grandbaby, but we decided to just fly my BIL up here so he can drive my car. Just a lot of stress lol. We've also got three miniature dachshunds we are moving home with us so it's definitely going to be an interesting trip! I'm praying I wont go over my due date. Thanks ladies!! 

  • Oh man.. Good luck!

    I'm glad you figured out what will hopefully work out well for you.
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  • I haven't written on here much.  I am pregnant with baby #2 and just starting to come back to TheBump

     

    With my DS we were stations at Maxwell AFB in AL.  I was due 12/11/10 and my husband was supposed to report to his new base Vandenburg AFB in CA as of 12/9/10.  I doctor did induce me in AL before we left.  I ended up having a Csection.  Also they wouldn't let us leave cause my DS had jaundice so we had to wait a few more days.  That is the story really really short.

     

    My advice for you is to leave before hand.  I am not saying this will happen but if for any reason you have to have a Csection you are not supposed to drive for 2 or so weeks.  (so we our drive my husband had to drive the whole time... thankfully we only had one car.)  So you would be stuck there even longer.  Also traveling with such a new born is not fun.  I was so stressed I ended up not being able to breast feed.

     

    I am not trying to scare you, I am just wanting to let you know what I had to go through already.  If for some reason your DH can't make it home at least you will be with your family and he would be back a day or 2 after the birth. And with computers and phones these days i bet the hospital has wireless and he would be able to be there that way too.  

  • Why can't you drive if you are a BF mother? 

    Why would you make a 13 hour drive at 40 weeks pregnant?  That seems kinda risky.

    Honestly you need to just move early, or you need to go stay with family early.  Plus if you do have the baby, that 13 hour drive is going to end up 2 days worth and you are going to be miserable.

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  • Depending on when you have the baby, you may not be cleared to drive. Frequently women are incredibly anemic after giving birth and can be very dizzy and even pass out in the weeks following. If you are symptomatic, you shouldn't be driving. 

    As far as BFing, that shouldn't affect driving. You won't be BFing while riding the car anyways- baby needs to stay in the carseat.

     What if baby ends up in the NICU? What if you go late? What if you go early? Any here's the kicker- once you are past a certain point in your pregnancy, you are not allowed to travel more than x-distance from your hospital for delivery, otherwise the hospital and delivery costs may not be covered by Tricare. When I was pregnant with my son at Ft Hood it was 1 hour away after 34 weeks, but you should call and ask what the requirements are for you. 

    I've traveled with a newborn. If the trip normally takes 13 hours, double it. Maybe even triple it. It's hell, and I wouldn't suggest it to anyone. You're going to be exhausted, sleep deprived, physically trying to recover from delivery, BFing every 30min-1hour at times possibly. I'm not trying to be Debbie Downer and scare you...but I want you to know the reality.

    Knowing what I know now, and having gone through a PCS right after delivery and all that jazz, I would move home early in your situation. Like at 32-34 weeks. It puts you and the baby at the least amount of risk, enables you to not worry about Tricare paying for the bill, enables you to actually be able to drive and move your things. Just my 2 cents. 

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  • My suggestion would be to move home at 33-34 weeks.  Pack-up the apartment, you and YH drive everything to KY, then have him fly back to Syracuse.  He can either "camp" in your apartment or stay with friends.  When he's done, then he drives to KY, hopefully in time for the delivery.  

    When one is 40 weeks along, nothing is "just".  And hoping to go late?  My son was evicted at 41 weeks, 6 days.  OMG.  Talk about uncomfortable.  (My LO was born on July 11th.). Being that pregnant, driving 800 miles, in the potential heat will take significantly longer than 13 hours.  I understand wanting YH there with you, but the fact your proposed plans aren't realistic. 

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  • We've had this trip planned for over a year. Then I got pregnant on birth control and it's just a lot of replanning. We had been planning on driving straight through to KY, like we usually do, but obviously that's not going to happen with a newborn. Then on top of that we have our three dogs.

    I know my plan right now is pretty much a bunch of crap. I come up with all this silly *** hoping it'll maybe somehow work out when, in reality, it won't.

     Thanks for your input ladies. My husband and I have a lot of planning to do 

  • You need to talk to your husband AND your OB. There is no way they will let you drive that distance that far along. And after you have the baby, forget it. Your vag will hurt so bad sitting in a car for that many hours. You're also not supposed to drive for 2-3 weeks after a c-section so there's also that.
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  • Driving straight through with a newborn? Oh no. Plan on stopping every 30 minutes. Maybe every 15. If you get crazy lucky you can stretch it to an hour, but you're going to be so uncomfortable that you won't be able to sit for a straight hour. You may get blessed with a child that likes cars and goes to sleep, or you could literally listen to a screaming newborn for every minute that you are in that car. 


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  • Baby's health comes first, yours second, then your DH and his preferences/feelings.

    Is there anything pressing in KY that you *have* to be back for?  Since he is ETSing, is there something waiting in KY that is requiring you guys to haul back there?

    If I were you, my first choice would be to extend your lease about 6 weeks.  That way you can let baby come when he/she is ready and then have a few weeks to recover before making the drive.  July is a long way away.  I know your landlord says he has tenants, but that is very very unusual and I would guess there is some flex..  In this situation I would even offer a little more $$ in order to stay put those extra weeks.

    Second choice, move home at 33 weeks or so.  Then just cross your fingers that your DH makes it.  If he doesn't, that stinks.  But at least your baby and you are in a good place, with doctors you trust, and with family to care for you.

    THe idea of driving 13 hours straight through at 40 weeks pregnant is asinine.  It is obvious from taht statement that you have never been 40 weeks pregnant before.  Also, as others have pointed out, after you give birth there are often driving restrictions.  It has NOTHING to do with nursing (you can't nurse in a moving car anyway - they need to be in their carseat - so whether you are driving or not means very little).

    Just be realistic and safe.  Some sacrifices will probably have to be made on your part and your DH's part in order to make sure your baby is safe.

    Married 6/28/03

    Kate ~ 7/3/09 *** Connor ~ 11/11/10

    4 miscarriages: 2007, 2009, 2013, 2014

    *~*~*~*~*

    No more TTC for us. We are done, and at peace, as a family of 4.

    "Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.” — Charles Dickens

     

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