Anyone thinking about not returning to work??

lizok22

I know it is early but I am thinking about not going back to work after this baby.  I just don't think i can leave him or her alone at 3 months and I don't think i can afford 2 babies in daycare.  Anyone else in the same boat or having thoughts of being a SAHM???

lisamoe

I SAH with my son, and plan on doing the same until they are all in school.

There are a lot of sacrifices we make, so I can stay at home.  Have you tried just living on your DHs salary to see how it would be?  We did this for almost 6 months before I quit my FT job.  It was rough, but we were able to do it.  It was the deciding factor on if I was going to stay home or not.

WildRumpus

We're weighing the option of me being a SAHM and nannying out of our home. I work really strange hours, and hate the idea of missing bath and bedtime every night. Plus, I work with children...the idea of paying someone to take care of my child while I take care of someone else's seems wrong.

MitsB707

If I had never gone to college, I would be able to be a sahm. Unfortunately, I have to work to pay student loans. Plus side is everything above student loans will still be fun money in addition to baby's college savings.

MrsSteSte

Definitely not. I love my job, and honestly racked up a lot of student loan debt to get where I am. I'm also the primary income, and carry all our insurance and significant benefits. I don't think I'm cut out to be home with a child every day, all day. I suspect I'll be ready to come back when my mat leave ends.

We have, however, talked about H becoming a SAHD. I don't think it's in the cards immediately, but hopefully we can swing it in the not too distant future. ESP if we decide to have more kids.

RealityJunkie

With DS, my plan was to go back to work. I'm a career woman, type A, etc. and thought I wanted to go back to work. When he was born, everything changed. Career woman, who?? Ha! I couldn't do it, I had to be with him. My DH suggested we try it out and see how it goes on a tight budget. Well, he's 2 now and I love being a SAHM! Right now its super tight, especially with a 2nd on the way. I may get a part time job when LO is 6 months old, but I am not stressing about it right now. If it needs to happen, then it needs to happen.

Most important thing. Being a SAHM is not for everyone. If you decide to do it, go all in or go back to work. You owe it to your kid(s) to do lots of activites, get out of the house, do mommy and me, etc. Its important to socialize them as soon as possible. GL with your decision :-)

lizok22

We have been putting away my salary for about 6 months now. So far, it has been manageable but we bought a fixer-upper house and there are always things going wrong with it.  Plus now with the babies, we need the basement finished so they can have a playroom.  The money handouts never end!

lizok22

RealityJunkie:

With DS, my plan was to go back to work. I'm a career woman, type A, etc. and thought I wanted to go back to work. When he was born, everything changed. Career woman, who?? Ha! I couldn't do it, I had to be with him. My DH suggested we try it out and see how it goes on a tight budget. Well, he's 2 now and I love being a SAHM! Right now its super tight, especially with a 2nd on the way. I may get a part time job when LO is 6 months old, but I am not stressing about it right now. If it needs to happen, then it needs to happen.

Most important thing. Being a SAHM is not for everyone. If you decide to do it, go all in or go back to work. You owe it to your kid(s) to do lots of activites, get out of the house, do mommy and me, etc. Its important to socialize them as soon as possible. GL with your decision :-)

 

This is how i feel exactly. Thank you.  It will definetely be an adjustment as i have been working full-time for 14 years now.

lialakacz

I am hoping to stay home.  My husband got laid off in December and we are just waiting for official word for his new job.  We are currently putting away his severance for savings, and once his new job starts (which is a significant pay cut), we will start living on his pay and saving mine.  I have a feeling i might go stir crazy as I've always been a career woman, but I'm gonna try be a SAHM

MandaPanda518

I wish! We live in a very HCOL area and can't afford to not work. In a perfect world I would work my dream job part time from home, but the chances of that happening are slim to none. 

katharine25

I really want to. I'm not sure when we'll make the final decision though. I commute 2 hours one-way, and staying at this job 5 days a week just really isn't something I want to do with a baby. But my income pays all the big bills, like the mortgage and car payments. DH is self-employed, and some month he makes a ton which could easily finance us, others aren't so flowing. Add on health care and I go grey just thinking about it.

CaliforniaDream87

SAHM isn't for me. Like PP's stated I love my job and worked very hard to get where I am. I will have plenty of time with my child but I will continue working.

lilybit01

I would give anything to be a SAHM.  Unfortunately DH earns less than me (and I'm a teacher in a pretty low teacher pay/ HCOL area- so that is saying a lot) and the kicker is that his company doesn't offer insurance.  I pay through the nose for our Kaiser insurance, but it is excellent coverage and we would never go without healthcare with a newborn (or period).  DH is working on finding a new job- but as everyone knows, this is a really crummy market. 

AmeliaKris

I work weekend package at the hospital. I work 7 am 7 pm. We get paid time and a half. Essentially I get paid for 36 hours but only work 24. Sure I miss a few family things on weekends and have no PTO, meaning if I take time off I don't get paid so we have to budget. But we avoid daycare altogether. When all my kids are in school fulltime, I will go back to dayshift but for now, it works perfect for our family.

Cosmic+Love

katharine25:

I really want to. I'm not sure when we'll make the final decision though. I commute 2 hours one-way, and staying at this job 5 days a week just really isn't something I want to do with a baby. But my income pays all the big bills, like the mortgage and car payments. DH is self-employed, and some month he makes a ton which could easily finance us, others aren't so flowing. Add on health care and I go grey just thinking about it.

Wowie...Two hours one way! Is there any hope of finding a similar position closer to home?

Jomojack2

We have been thinking about it. On depending on my schedule there are some days I only get to my daughter about 2 hours a day. I miss her. It is what it is, but I do hope that I can quit soon.

katharine25

Cosmic+Love:

katharine25:

I really want to. I'm not sure when we'll make the final decision though. I commute 2 hours one-way, and staying at this job 5 days a week just really isn't something I want to do with a baby. But my income pays all the big bills, like the mortgage and car payments. DH is self-employed, and some month he makes a ton which could easily finance us, others aren't so flowing. Add on health care and I go grey just thinking about it.

Wowie...Two hours one way! Is there any hope of finding a similar position closer to home?

Not one that pays the same, and very unlikely one that's similar.  I'm open to a career shift and a pay cut, which I think is inevitable if I want to continue to work,  but there's really not that much around where we live. We moved completely rural within commuting distance to MAJOR Metropolis where I work, but the quirk about this area is that everything in between is set up as bedroom communities. It was the trade off to finding an affordable home in a very HCOL area. 

I'm still holding on to the pie in the sky dream of being a SAHM.... 

lizok22

God I wish i had something like that. When choosing a career, i had no foresight to choose something that would be family friendly and boy do i regret it.

lizok22

and I also live in a HCOL area. Long Island. You can't get higher taxes than the ones out here.

MichelleDis

I am hoping to NOT return to work, but we haven't quite finalized that decision.  I've worked for over 20 years now and while I don't hate it, I have always wanted to be a SAHM, it's my dream.  In addition to my full-time marketing manager career, I also am a Disney Travel Agent on my own time as an independent contractor.  That is my real passion and I would plan to continue doing that at home and hopefully put more time/effort into growing that.

I do make a great salary and it would be a huge cut in our finances, but we are very fortunate and have a lot of money saved.  I am almost 40 as well, so not like I was planning to work for another 20 years- we've been saving and increasing our retirement for a long time now so we could both retire early anyways. DH just got a new job about 5 months ago with a very large increase as well- enough to allow me to stay at home and not really miss my salary as much hopefully.  My 5yo will be starting kindergarten in the fall, but we would have to pay for afterschool care for him and then day care for the twins would be about $500 a week.  I am really hoping we can make this happen.  I am struggling on whether to tell work up front or what. Due to DH moving jobs months ago, I am also on my own insurance at work, so I have to consider that in when I quit.  I would get 6-8 weeks short term disability at 70% pay, so I have to figure out when to quit/notify.  I don't want to take advantage or screw them over, but want to do what's best for me too.

RivieraBound

I LOVE my job but I plan to SAH.  I think that is what will be best for our family. 

angeliasadler

This is my first but we have already decided for me to stay at home at least for the first year because my daycare is my MIL and I don't want her to experience all the firsts and then tell me before I can experience them.  Plus I don't think I would be able to leave baby at such a young age.

Ktbug613

finances are a little up in the air at the moment, but as long as we can make ends meet, our plan has always been for me to be a stay at home mom.

maize27

I would love to be a SAHM. I'm not sure yet if it will work out, but daycare for two is going to be really pricey.  I hope to a least cut down to 3 days.

treegap

I would love to SAH but we can't afford it. We live in a HCOL area as well and would like to buy a house before baby arrives. We've been renting since we moved here a couple of years ago from a major city in which we never had a chance of buying. I make more than my DH so it would be tough for us if I stopped working. Boy, I would love not to have to put my kid in daycare so early though!! I'm already having anxiety about it!

snuz81

I would absolutely love to be a SAHM. I dislike my job, but we definitely need the paycheck and benefits that come with it. My dream would be to start up my own business and work from home though. If only...

anvloveskme

I cannot afford to SAHM, even paying for 2 kids in daycare.  I have an awesome in home day care provider that has had DD since she was 3 months old - it is my office managers mother and she is awesome and loves DD like her own grandchildren.  On top of that, she is crazy cheap!  So that is a plus as well.  I am a 10% owner at my firm, make about $20k more than DH, and we both have student loans, and I love my job, so working for me is a want and a must.  I will do a modified part time schedule for around a year like I did with DD.  I worked like 10 am to 5 pm Monday through Thursday and it worked out great.

kajordan09

I was in the same boat when I was pregnant with DS. My best advice to you is to keep all your options open. Who knows how you will feel after having your baby. Some people love being home, others find that work is the only thing that keeps them sane. I had a daycare lined up, but decided I wanted to be home. I'm glad I kept all my options open because it definitely helped ease the pressure of making the decision.

If you have the option, it certainly is a difficult decision. Go with your gut (when the time comes!), but for now just keep an open mind to all options.

rissa06

angeliasadler:

This is my first but we have already decided for me to stay at home at least for the first year because my daycare is my MIL and I don't want her to experience all the firsts and then tell me before I can experience them.  Plus I don't think I would be able to leave baby at such a young age.

What's funny is that I have so far not missed a first with my son or daughter. . the only thing I missed was DS going on the potty yesterday for the first time. . . but I never missed the first steps, first words or any of those milestones.

One of the hardest things I do on a daily basis is leave my children.  I miss them throughout the day and think about what its like to be home with them.  The best part of my day is the hugs and smiles I get when I pick them up.  I remember when I first dropped DD at daycare, I didn't want to leave.  However, I do know at the end of the day, they are well taken care of and are loved.

However, for a brief period of time, I was laid-off and I did stay at home and got to experience being a stay at home mom, thinking that it was what I wanted and I don't.  I hate housework, I need a break from being a mommy and I don't get it if I am home all the time.  Additionally, my work is the break from the kids.  We do get to spend lots of time together, because I do have a flexible job and DH works on the weekends, so we spend lots of time together just the three of us. For us, we have a nice balance.  

From what I tell people that are thinking about it and I think someone said that above.  Staying at home is not for everyone.  Whether you work or stay at home, it is a lot of work.  It isn't easy.  Its not just about playing with the kids each day and on the other side, it isn't about not caring about your kids  and being the frantic mom, who doesn't have time for anything (i say this last part, because that is the way my friend who is sahm classifies it).  They are both hard, they both take compromise and they both take a certain type of woman.  You just have to figure out what makes you happy and your kids will be happy.

Good Luck with your decision. 

BlueJewelM

I am a mostly SAHM. I never planned to be. I really like my job. DH and I have been together for a decade and tried to conceive for a really long time, like 4 years. While it was sad not being able to get pregnant, we were able to save a lot of money, pay off the student loans, and cars. I guess it worked out alright that I am a bit older in my early 30s and can SAH. If we would have gotten PG when we first started trying it probably wouldn't be an option for us.

I work about 15 hours a week still. I really enjoy it and have the option to return to FT if I want/need to. I don't think I could TOTALLY SAH. My coworkers are close friends as well.

I do find the phrase "Sahm" funny...we are never at home! The key to "SAHM" happiness is to get connected with a mommy group or a circle of friends with small children. Ours has activities almost daily. We also have memberships to all the museums and zoos. So there is never a dull moment and DS gets lots of interaction and experiences. I also put him in child watch at the YMCA when I work out to help combat separation anxiety....some kiddos of SAHMs have that pretty bad, thankful DS doesn't seem to have a problem with that..yet!

BoxerMom21

I really wish I could stay at home.  I like working and didn't think I would have a problem going back after DD.  Boy was I wrong.  It was one of the hardest things I've had to do.  Unfortunately, I'm not going to be able to SAH, but I am trying to get H to consider a budget where I work part time.  We'll see if we can swing it or not.

JordanL1221

We are going to try to swing it so I don't have to go back....I work a very high stress job with crappy hours, so if I go back to anything, it will be something part time.

bananatiff

I will not be returning to work.  I went from full-time to part-time after DD.  And this baby will arrive a few months after MH starts his new career which should afford me to be a SAHM.  It's been the plan for years and I can't believe it's taking shape.

Also, I'm a little terrified to be a SAHM of two...  

cajunrunner

I would love to be a SAHM, but h and I love to take road trips and also have dreams of being able to travel as a family and give the kids great experiences. That is not possible on h's income alone. If we relied just on his income money would be extremely tight with no room for any extras. At first it was hard and I hated it, but now I've adjusted and it's not as bad as it was. H is planning to go back to school soon so that I can eventually be a SAHM.

MommyAmes2

I am a SAHM. I have been for over 6 years (ever since my daughter was born). Once our kids are in school I plan on going back to college. I am thankful that MH makes more then enough money for me to be able to stay home with the kids. Another plus is we live in an area that the cost of living is low.

Just keep in mind that staying home isn't for everyone. You have to put an effort into planning out of the home activities and such. Or else you may go stir crazy. Also be sure to include adult conversation/time. It can get quite depressing staying home day after day.

Sascha3

I decided to stay home after my daughter.  I wasn't sure if I would like it but I actually love it.  I wasn't able to stay home with my grown up child, as I was a single mom, so this time around it has been something that I really cherish.  Especially with twins coming and 3 under 2 I can't imagine being gone 50 hours a week.

We would have been able to manage on my husband's income, as we live below our means and bought a house that is worth half of what he qualifies for, but then he got a promotion and a 50% raise, so we are even in a better spot.  It has been an adjustment for me to not just buy whatever I want, but we have still been able to travel quite frequently which is way more important to me than shopping.

foxyroxy

I'll definitely go back to work. I love my job and I've worked so hard to get the opportunities that I now have. I've never been the traditional mommy-type. I have friends who SAH and adore it; I can see how meaningful it is to them. I also have friends who went back to work who feel the same way. To each her own! DH would looooove to be a SAHD, but we couldn't afford that. 

cortneyloo

I'm thinking I'll still work because I enjoy my job and I see myself needing adult conversation every once in awhile, but I have been thinking a lot about how much I'll work after the baby is born. DH and I are talking about me only working part-time since I'll have day care arranged for 3 days of the week through a friend who works in childcare and that way I'll get to spend more time with the baby but still have extra income for our family. 

atoz625

I felt like I always wanted to be a SAHM from the time I was young.  I don't like my job- it's stressful, and I'm not passionate about it.  The thing is, I make great money, and DH and I contribute about equally to the entire household, in terms of money.  I don't think we could swing it on his income alone, without some serious sacrifices I'm not sure he's willing to make.  There have been a lot of friends lately that have become SAHMs, and DH keeps asking me what they're doing to afford their wives staying home.  I know he feels bad about it.  I just want a different job.

My plan may be to go on maternity leave much earlier than I did last time, take 4 months on leave, then quit at the beginning of the new year.  I'd have about 8 weeks of vacation saved up that I could tap into then still too.  Or who knows, maybe they'd lay me off. 

letitbelotus

Me and DH are on the fence here too. It's our first but we can't seem to wrap our minds around paying for daycare when it costs so much. Especially since I don't make very much anyway. Daycare can be such an important place for LOs though. They learn how to share and how to interact with others. Obviously not when they are just newborns but as they grow. I may find a good daycare to place the little in just a few hours a week so I can get stuff done and they can make friends. :