Do you allow DH to bed share?

tallkrissy

Hi ladies.  We've recently begun bed sharing until LO either stops wanting the paci or he can locate and reinsert in the middle of the night on his own.  It's just me and LO in bed.  We don't BF, so that's not an issue.  

Tonight DH wanted to sleep with LO in bed to give me a break and I didn't let him.  I've read somewhere its not as safe for Dads to share.  Am I crazy?  LO is 6 months next week. 

vintagejjane

All 3 of us sleep in the same bed right now (8 months). We have since she was a few weeks old. We have a mesh (sturdy) railing on my side. She switches between the middle and the end now, but when she was younger she slept between me and the railing. It's not crazy

lydswashere

Normally just a lurker, but:

After our daughter was born, I got some super weird sleep issues and developed a bladder problem. The constant need to get up and down + barely sleeping made it hard for me to bedshare and I ended up having to sleep alone. He knew it was still important to me, though, and did it by himself. I would get pretty nervous, but everything was always totally fine. 

We stopped bedsharing a few months ago, but he told me that he actually sometimes really misses it and wants to go and get her. : )

XCrissCrossX

It's more dangerous for a dad to bedshare with a new baby because dads tend to sleep deeper and are MUCH bigger than newborns. I wouldn't worry about him bedsharing with your 6 month old.

beany02

i think it depends on your DH. my DH will nap with our 8 month old, but i dont think i would feel comfortable with him spending the whole night with her without me there because he has always had weird sleep issues. sometimes he yells in his sleep, jumps out of bed, freaks out for no reason. If he didnt have these issues i would probably be ok with him bed-sharing with her overnight now that she's a little older. I think mommies are more "in tune" with their babies though so generally i think its safer for mommies to bed share.

pepomntpat

Yes...usually it was/is all three of us, but DH did on occasion on his own once LO was older.  HIs parents also bed shared with Ro while she stayed with them, though she was over 18 months at that point.

nosoup4u

XcrisscrossX:

It's more dangerous for a dad to bedshare with a new baby because dads tend to sleep deeper and are MUCH bigger than newborns. I wouldn't worry about him bedsharing with your 6 month old.

Yep, this. I'm assuming your baby is big enough to roll around at this point, and the bed will be pretty empty if it's just the two of them (as opposed to two adults and one baby). 

skibunny59

It's usually the three of us in bed and she sleeps in between us.  (She's 10 months old)  Last Friday night I went out with some of my girlfriends and came home pretty late (1:30 or 2:00) and DH was in bed with DD when I got home.  It was cute to see them all snuggled up together.

BelhurstBride

Yes, DH bedshared with DD by that age. 

MikesMom12345

Take the break!!!  (This is coming from someone with a 2yr old, constant night waker who is still nursing like a newborn through the night).  I would absolutely LOVE the opportunity to have a full night's rest, so it seems crazy to me that someone would pass it up!  However, with your baby only being 6 months old, I totally get that you would be nervous! 

sugarbear0524

tallkrissy:

Tonight DH wanted to sleep with LO in bed to give me a break and I didn't let him. 

Maybe it's just your wording, but I don't "let" my DH do something or "forbid" him from doing something. He's an equal partner in parenting and has an equal vote.  I'm not in charge of all parenting decisions (thank God).

I understand the safety issue, but I feel bad for your DH. 

starshineamator

vintagejjane:

All 3 of us sleep in the same bed right now (8 months). We have since she was a few weeks old. We have a mesh (sturdy) railing on my side. She switches between the middle and the end now, but when she was younger she slept between me and the railing. It's not crazy

Off-topic: Can you send me a link to the railing that you are talking about? I need to find something like this!  

alaskanmomma

There is no way that I would kick my hubby out of our bed. Im sorry but I just dont agree with that-he's a parent just as much as I am.

My opinion on this is if he sleeps too hard, and you feel he might roll on top of baby without knowing-then I wouldnt let baby sleep in bed with us. Baby would be in his crib or a bassinett next to our bed. I agree its more of a hassel to have to get up and get baby's pasi, but thats what I would rather do than tell my husband he cannot sleep in bed with us.

boogerbearoriginal

I'm not the boss of my H, so I don't allow/forbid him to do anything. If there's something he or I want to do that the other isn't comfortable with we discuss it and go from there.

That being said, me/H/LO have bedshared from ~6wks, prior to that LO was in the bassinet next to the bed. Sometimes LO was in between us, sometimes on my side. Up until LO was around 5-6m old he slept cuddled up against me so H would've had to roll on top of both of us to smother LO.  By 6m my H and LO would nap alone together.

We still bedshare and at this point I think H/I are in more danger of being injured by the wild toddler sleeping antics lol.

beautiflaw

At first I didn't but DD displayed such a HUGE preference for sleeping with him instead of me, that I felt it would be wrong to deprive her of that. Plus he works a lot so some of the only bonding time he gets is when she's already asleep. It took me a loooong time to be able to trust that he wouldn't roll over on her, or let her fall off his chest, or out of his lap, or whatever position they ended up in, but eventually I saw that he sleeps SUPER lightly with her, and he wakes up if she twitches in her sleep or moves or whatever. Now she sleeps with him way more often than she sleeps with me.

Also, we don't normally co sleep. We started out doing it but DD prefers to sleep alone unless she is sick or teething or whatever. 99% of the time she wants to sleep with DH and not me.