Finally Sharing - Need Advice

KCarolina

Hello Ladies,

My name is Kirby. I lost my son, Hayden, on May 12, 2012. He was born at 24 weeks and only lived a few minutes after birth. I had a very healthy pregnancy up until then, so his premature birth was completely unexpected. An autopsy was performed and Hayden was diagnosed with Hydrops Fetalis. I was wondering if anyone else had experienced Hydrops, speficically.

I miss my son more than anything in the world. My husband and I have been talking about having another baby. I'm not ready yet, emotionally, but I do know I would love to have a child to hold in these empty arms. There isn't a lot of research out there on Hydrops, and the research I have found hasn't indicated a strong link for recurrence. I just wondered if anyone else had any information.

 Also, I'm looking for some advice. After Hayden passed away, I took two weeks off of work. I went back when I wasn't ready and was a complete and utter emotional mess. Eventually, I just kind of lost it and resigned. I wasn't functioning at work or at home. So, I took a few months off for mental health reasons, went back to school to finish my degree, and now I'm applying for a new job. I have an interview this week. If they ask why I left my last job, should I mention Hayden's death specifically or just refer to it as a "personal tragedy". I don't want them to think I'm mentally unstable or anything. I've been through months of therapy, and I've finally come to terms with it. But, I just don't know how it will be perceived.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and lend a hand.

lolee465

I don't know anything about Hydrops, but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss. ((hugs)) I lost my daughter at 24 weeks and also went back to work after only 2 weeks. Although my first couple of weeks back I only worked part time. It was way too soon for me to go back and I wish I would have taken more time, so I'm glad that you were able to do that.

I think if they ask you why you left your last job and you feel comfortable I would tell them the truth. You don't have to go into details, but you lost your son and you needed to take time to heal and that's okay.

Good luck on your interview!

KCarolina

Thank you so much for your kind words and advice. I'd eventually like to share my birth story, but it is still difficult to relive that day. I am very sorry for your loss, as well. You can never be prepared for something like this. It's strange how it effects almost every facet of your life, even to this day.

fluttergirlmoonchild79

I'm very sorry for the loss of your Hayden.  I also don't have any info I can share about hydrops. My situation was a bit different from yours.  My son was 36 days old when he became an angel due to RSV.  Because he was only 36 days old, I was still on maternity leave.  And with it being the end of the year, I just took the rest of the year off with FMLA.  I also work from home, so once I did go back I was able to work at my pace and if I needed to breakdown, I did (still do) in the comfort of my own home.  I've only been in the office twice in the past year and still can't bring myself to go a full day.  At the interview I would simply say whatever you're comfortable with in the moment.  I've always found it best to start as vaguely as possible and if they ask questions and you feel comfortable with answering then go with it.  If they're not receptive to what you tell them, they're probably not a good company to work for anyway.

Best of luck with the job interview.  Keep us posted!

Wishing you peace and love

jess123456

I am so incredibly sorry for the loss of your sweet Hayden. We lost our daughter Grace to a fatal genetic condition in September. They found markers through an ultrasound of other things that were terminal (she had a trisomy) and she did have Hydrops as well. If you would like to private message me, I am always here for you. It's heartbreaking to find out that there is something wrong with your child of course but our Grace will always be perfect to us.

My husband and I met with a genetic counselor after my amnio and they told us that it was a fluke thing that happened to our daughter during the conception period. I hate that word fluke but it wasn't through a trans-location.  Meeting with a genetic counselor was helpful and if you haven't done that yet and have an opportunity to I highly recommend it. We felt completely uneducated about my daughter's condition until we met with our counselor.

Hugs to you. Please know that you aren't alone and we are here for you always. 

lolee465

KCarolina:

Thank you so much for your kind words and advice. I'd eventually like to share my birth story, but it is still difficult to relive that day. I am very sorry for your loss, as well. You can never be prepared for something like this. It's strange how it effects almost every facet of your life, even to this day.

I understand this completely. I've been hanging around this board everyday for about 4 months and still haven't been able to share my story, I just can't get myself to type it out- it's too hard. When you're ready we'll be here to listen though.

OSUWifey09

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet Hayden. I don't have any advice on Hydrops [I lost my son at 34 weeks to a placental abruption], but I do hope that we can serve as a source of comfort for you.

As for your work situation, I took a full 6 weeks off when I lost my son in August, and I slowly pulled myself back into it my job [my office is great and was so understanding]. As someone else said, when you do jump back into the job field, I would just be as vague as possible. You don't owe them any details, and I'm not even sure if they can ask. Just share what you're comfortable sharing.

I wish you the best of luck, and again - we're here for you. *hugs*

KCarolina

I am so overwhelmed by the support I've received today. Thank you all so very much! It just means the world to me. I should have reached out long ago. I've isolated myself so much, and convinced myself that there can't be anyone else that really feels the way I feel. I know, in my mind, that's an irrational thought, but I felt that way for a long time. I am so deeply saddened that there are so many of us that share this common bond, but I'm glad that we can be here to support one another. So, thank you again.

Carolee

Hi Kirby.  I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet Hayden.  I hope you're able to find comfort on this board.  Good luck with your interview.

tuscanbride2007

KCarolina:

I am so overwhelmed by the support I've received today. Thank you all so very much! It just means the world to me. I should have reached out long ago. I've isolated myself so much, and convinced myself that there can't be anyone else that really feels the way I feel. I know, in my mind, that's an irrational thought, but I felt that way for a long time. I am so deeply saddened that there are so many of us that share this common bond, but I'm glad that we can be here to support one another. So, thank you again.

When my daughter was born without a heartbeat, I remember laying in the hospital bed thinking how lonely I felt. How could this have happened to anyone else? When I stumbled across this board, I was surprised that it existed, but was happy to be able to come here and vent, cry, be happy and support other women that know the pain of losing a child.

((HUGS))