I feel guilty about c-section

MrsW101011

I planned a natural HypnoBabies birth and was really excited about delivery but never went into labor on my own. I agreed to be induced at 41w6d. I was given 2 doses of Cytotec (I know, it's awful, but I'm still alive and that's not the point of this post) throughout the night and it didn't do much. I never dilated to a full 1 cm.

By morning I was contracting too much to have another dose of Cytotec so I was started on Pitocin. After about 8 hours on the highest dosage I was having tons of contractions on the monitors but not a single one was more painful than period cramps.

At 8:15 pm my son was born via c-section. Turns out, he was 10 lbs and his head was too big to engage in my pelvis. I do believe that I never would have gone into labor on my own and we both would have died if not for the medical interventions but I can't help but feel guilty about contributing to the high c-section rate.

Do you think I could have done anything differently? Any advice for next time if attempting a vbac is possible for me?

wifeofadam

I'm sorry you didn't get the experience you wanted last time.

Did the circumference of your baby's head measure large?  Like off the charts large?

I just want to give you some confidence in your body.  There is nothing wrong with your body.  If your baby's head was within the normal range, it wasn't necessarily too large to fit through the birth canal.  Ten pounds is not too large for most women to birth, but things like head size or the presentation fo the baby culd have affected your labor.

I guess some things you could do in the future would be to make sure you're eating a good diet, staying active, sitting/resting in positions that help keep baby in a good presentation, and also making sure you have a doctor or midwife that is truly supportive of your VBAC. 

Just trust that your body can do this.  Every birth is different and the things that went the way you didn't want to the last time aren't necessarily going to happen again.  Good luck!

mlrafiki

I'm a FTM, so I have no experience to offer, but this sounds to me like a case where modern medicine did exactly what it is intended to do, so the only appropriate response is to be grateful. I can understand disappointment that things didn't go the way you would have preferred (I would be bummed, too), but you have no reason at all to feel guilty. Seriously, in cases like this, Thank God for CS.

I'm delighted that you and your baby are healthy! Congrats on the new addition! 

MrsW101011

Thanks for the responses. I'm actually not sure about his head circumference at birth. That could make me feel better if it was huge, or worse if his head was normal.

He was a VERY large baby, his shoulders actually got stuck during the c-section, everyone in the delivery room was amazed at how big he was. He's just large, very broad shoulders. 

I feel a little better now that I've thought about this more and I do believe that he was a very large baby and it is very likely that I couldn't have gotten him out naturally.

My son is 3 months old and I'm excited to try for number 2 in a couple of years and plan to ask my OB about how she feels about attempting a vbac or if I will need to look for a different OB. 

I feel like I had good tools for number 1 and was very knowledgeable and prepared but I gained too much weight and wasn't as active as I could have been. I will definitely keep that in mind for next time and make it a goal to be as healthy as possible and hope for the best! 

pepomntpat

I'm sorry this happened to you. Sometimes things just happen and it is no one's fault. My baby was only 6 pounds, 13 ounces and I never got past 4 cm. She wasn't at all big, but was malpositioned and had the cord around her neck which was keeping her from engaging.  I labored for 72 hours before having a c/s and I only had one painful contraction that whole time.  I am grateful that a c/s was an option, but it took me quite a long time to get to that point. And even now I still get sad about it.

Hoping for a VBAC this time around. I have the supportive provider and I'm doing everything I can. It's really up to baby to cooperate!

My suggestion is to control those things you can control and make peace with those you can't.  {hugs} 

MrsW101011

pepomntpat:

I'm sorry this happened to you. Sometimes things just happen and it is no one's fault. My baby was only 6 pounds, 13 ounces and I never got past 4 cm. She wasn't at all big, but was malpositioned and had the cord around her neck which was keeping her from engaging.  I labored for 72 hours before having a c/s and I only had one painful contraction that whole time.  I am grateful that a c/s was an option, but it took me quite a long time to get to that point. And even now I still get sad about it.

Hoping for a VBAC this time around. I have the supportive provider and I'm doing everything I can. It's really up to baby to cooperate!

My suggestion is to control those things you can control and make peace with those you can't.  {hugs} 

 Thank you so much! Good luck on your vbac, I hope baby cooperates and everything goes smoothly!

iris427

The high c/s rate is not your fault. It is not any one person's fault so please don't beat yourself up over it. You did what was right in your situation. I had a c/s with my first too and it took me a long time to make peace with it. It is ok to feel angry or sad about your c/s. Please feel free to check out the VBAC board here and ask any questions or just lurk. Also, there is nothing wrong with having a Cytotec induction.

Mrs E in Oregon

First, you are one person in millions that have had and will have c-sections. You have not contributed to a statistic in a negative way. Your birth via surgery sounds medically necessary. That is nothing to be guilty about.

Do I think you could have done anything differently? No.

Advice for next time: 1) Chart your periods and track your temperature so you can best estimate when your ovulation is, this will help ensure you have a correct due date. 2) Use a doula or work with a midwifery practice, even when you intend to deliver in a hospital. They can help you along the way with diet, exercise and monitoring size. A doula would help you cope after the birth with those big decisions that are eating at you now. 3) Stay fit, exercise and watch your glucose levels. You may have passed the GD glucose tests but had issues later on that caused a slightly larger baby. 4) If you go into spontaneous labor, try not to have an epidural, you can walk and move, working the baby down more and if you can deliver on all fours you can open your pelvis more. A doula present will help you get your wishes for this as well. 5) If you have another c-section you still shouldn't feel guilty, you don't sound like the type of person to choose any of these interventions lightly, you did and will do what you have to for your baby and you to live a long and healthy life. You're a good mom.

SunnyMuffin

MrsW101011:

At 8:15 pm my son was born via c-section. Turns out, he was 10 lbs and his head was too big to engage in my pelvis. I do believe that I never would have gone into labor on my own and we both would have died if not for the medical interventions but I can't help but feel guilty about contributing to the high c-section rate.

You definitely shouldnt feel guilty if this is the case.  So many c sections are elective c-sections due to size/weight, planned repeat c-sections, non emergent due to failure to progress etc.  It doesnt really sound like  yours could have been avoided so I wouldnt blame yourself

SunnyMuffin

I dont know why the font in my posts is always wonky 

dreadiemama

SunnyMuffin:

MrsW101011:

At 8:15 pm my son was born via c-section. Turns out, he was 10 lbs and his head was too big to engage in my pelvis. I do believe that I never would have gone into labor on my own and we both would have died if not for the medical interventions but I can't help but feel guilty about contributing to the high c-section rate.

You definitely shouldnt feel guilty if this is the case.  So many c sections are elective c-sections due to size/weight, planned repeat c-sections, non emergent due to failure to progress etc.  It doesnt really sound like  yours could have been avoided so I wouldnt blame yourself

This. Plus, I hope you don't take this the wrong way. Internet has a way of not presenting tones properly... but what's done is done and there isn't anything you can do about it at this point. We all make the best decisions that we can given our circumstances. Feeling guilty won't change anything other than make you feel bad.

I have to tell myself this ALL THE TIME because otherwise I end up feeling guilty over everything.