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December 2010 Moms
dee12807
member
XP jeleous toddler help
dee12807
member
Mobile: jeleous toddler help; XP from BF board, I hope my Dec 2010 mamas can help too!
I need help or suggestions please. I have a 2 year old DS and 6 week old DD. DS is very good and generally doesn't show jealousy or extra need for attention. Of course, until I go to BF DD when H isn't around. Then it's full blown melt down, crying fit, 'MAMA'!!! I've tried letting him sit by me on the couch, he wants to be in my lap. Sitting him down with a snack or activity, he wants something else or for me to do it with him. We will eventually have to introduce bottles when I go back to work, so I am thinking about trying to pump and bottle feed her so he can help since he has no problem with me pumping. Is this a bad idea? Does it mean j am just giving in? Are there any other suggestions out there? TIA!
I need help or suggestions please. I have a 2 year old DS and 6 week old DD. DS is very good and generally doesn't show jealousy or extra need for attention. Of course, until I go to BF DD when H isn't around. Then it's full blown melt down, crying fit, 'MAMA'!!! I've tried letting him sit by me on the couch, he wants to be in my lap. Sitting him down with a snack or activity, he wants something else or for me to do it with him. We will eventually have to introduce bottles when I go back to work, so I am thinking about trying to pump and bottle feed her so he can help since he has no problem with me pumping. Is this a bad idea? Does it mean j am just giving in? Are there any other suggestions out there? TIA!
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Re: XP jeleous toddler help
I was about to say "the bottle idea sounds awesome and I don't see how it is giving in" because I thought you were saying something else -- having HIM bottle feed her! Maybe that's not appropriate for a 2 yr old but I think it could be cool to try.
Other than that I have no thoughts. DD should be getting some bottles so that she doesn't reject them so you might as well do them when DS is being jealous, but I wouldn't necessarily "give in" all of the way; hopefully he can also get used to you nursing her.
I wouldn't actually let him feed her lol. But if he could 'help' I thought it may help him not be so jealous. I kind of feel like then I'm giving him what he wants (my attention). The only time that he is not allowed to sit on my lap is when I'm nursing her. Any other time I make myself available to him.
I'm not sure what the answer is either. Griff does "help" with diaper changes and feedings (holds bottle with me and wipes spit up) so he feels involved but thats only helped a little. I try to do activities we can all participate in but sometimes its difficult since Bishop can't sit up on his own yet.
Griffs tanturms have gotten worse and hes very clingy to me too. I'm hoping this is just a phase and maybe a bit of cabin fever. In spring Bishop will be older and the snow will be gone so we'll go outdoors more often.
If you have any luck, let me know!
I'm kind of a hard ass when it comes to tantrums and I have the capability of completely ignoring and tuning them out. So I would probably do that, and as soon as I am done BFing I would cuddle him and read so he realizes that he does eventually get his time alone with you. During the tantrum I would just say "Mommy is feeding the baby right now. You can play until she is done and then we will cuddle while the baby plays."
Although my son didn't really care when I fed the baby, I did eventually just give up breastfeeding because I missed him haha. He is a very independent player though and didn't even notice when I was feeding or anything.
Only recently has A started to bop B on the head. Don't know if it's jealousy or he loves our horrified reactions to it.
So I guess I'm one of the "bad" moms since I used TV lol....
A wasn't one to be too jealous (total daddy's boy) but he was one to get into crazy/dangerous mischief every time I sat down to nurse. Sometimes I could occupy him with activities/toys/reading etc. Others he saw it has his golden opportunity to take advantage. In the early days J would feed for about 20 minutes so I would turn on TV then, we'd do the music station and he'd dance, we also watched the signing time videos since they are about half hour, and we'd watch mickey mouse club house and work with the counting/sorting etc. Although I didn't do it for every feeding I want to say maybe 2x a day he needed more direction and if I couldn't capture his attention and he was getting on top of the kitchen counters then I'd turn it on. I don't use TV now as J if much more efficient at nursing, either that or he's super distracted and stops after a quick snack. But we can also nurse on the go so we typically nurse in the playroom while A plays with the mini-toys r us thanks to Christmas and Birthday.
So for your situation....if DD is 6 weeks I think bottle feeding would be fine so she learns how to take a bottle for daycare, but I would use that as the reason, not so that DS doesn't get jealous. It is still going to require your attention to warm bottle/ feed her/ burp her and pump etc, so he may just become more negative to her being fed rather than the method.Will she nurse in other positions like football? then your lap would be potentially "free" although I don't know if I could juggle a 2 year old and a newborn at the same time. (I did once when A fell off the kitchen chair while I was nursing and he came screaming/running over to me and wanted to be held. it was an interesting feat and one I wouldn't do often, but it is doable).
so for DS......does he like to draw? play doh? I know these are messier activities, but we did those while I would BF. Since they are messy activities in our house they don't get done pretty often so they were more novel to him. We loosened our snacks in the kitchen only rule for a few weeks and let A have snacks with me on the couch, or I'd nurse and sit at the kitchen table with A for his snacks. Do you have one of the quiet books? we use one mostly just for church but for the first few weeks it was also one of our distractions for A since he could play/do the little activities self entertained for a few while I nursed. There are also the other ideas of using his favorite toys...cars/trains, blocks, etc. but something to be played with only during BFing time. When DD isn't nursing then those toys are put away. When its time for her to nurse then they can come out to be played with.
So we did all the above as well as TV since newborns feed all.the.time it seems in the beginning particularly with the growth spurts. your DS will get used to it. Our pedi says 2-6 months for older siblings to finally "get it" that the new LO is there for good. Good luck!! I hope it gets easier!
I remember posting something very similar a few months ago
After trial and error, I found out that a combo of tv (I'm a bad mom too enjoy, lol) and ignoring the tantrums were the best solution for us. Over time O got used to it because it became the norm. He actually gets his baby out every once in a while and nurses it while I'm feeding G, it's pretty cute.
I say try a couple things, gauge what works for you and stick with it. Good luck!
LOL
I obviously don't have any experience with the issue yet (although I'm sure it will be VERY hard on Avery who just weaned recently and still asks to nurse all the time), but I heard an idea for what to do if your toddler wants attention and you are busy and I'm going to try it out. The idea was to use a kitchen timer, and set it to 10 minutes (or however long you need). Tell the toddler that you can play with him when the timer goes off. In theory, it teaches them patience and lets them know that you are not totally ignoring them. I have no idea if it will work, but it's worth a shot.
I can't lie. I'm pretty sure it was Team UmiZoomi that taught my kid how to count. WTG Millie, Geo and Bot! Lol.
Once dunk was more alert, though, he was too distractable to nurse around Oliver no matter how well behaved Oliver was.
I ended up completely child proofing a room, setting up tv and snack, and taking dunk in the next room to nurse.
At first I had a monitor so I could see Oliver, but there isn't a need anymore.
Sesame street definitely taught Oliver how to count to 20.
I do think Oliver is addicted to bubble guppies because if my nursing sessiOns... And I don't love that, but it kept him out of mischief and safe.