Hi All- Handling a New Dynamic

Glovejoy3

Hi guys, lurker needing a place for advice and support from people in similar situations  

 I am a FTM to a beautiful baby boy who is 4 weeks old. I am SM to SS1 (12), SD (10) and SS2 (8). I am very lucky to have a good relationship with BM 2 (to the youngest two) and BM1's contact is limited (SS1 lives with maternal grandmother and he is slated to move in with us as soon as he finishes this school year.)

My pregnancy was during a tumultuous time for our family, as we dealt with DH's lay-off, move to a new city, my promotion (which was wonderful, but also demanding) as well as other less-exciting drama. And of course, the first few month postpartum is trying for everyone. 

DH gets frustrated because for the last 10 months, I have been significantly more stressed out on weekends (all three kids come on weekends, and their cousin usually comes too... a discussion for another time)... It is a very chaotic household. He feels that I am constantly barking (I probably am) and don't show them enough love and attention (he's probably right, instead of praising them for accomplishments like I used to, I simply say "good job" and continue what I'm doing) and that I flat out don't like them (completely inaccurate, but I understand his thought-process... I tend to be sour when they come over, therefore I don't like them). 

 Frankly, I am stressed out and this argument is growing like a tumor. Any advice would be much appreciated as how to handle this new dynamic. 

 

 

 

fellesferie

Hi, welcome to the board.

Is marriage counseling a possibility? I know it might be hard to do with your new baby, but when mine were super little I always had a few people around willing to hold mine for a couple hours. 

Are you taking any time for yourself? An hour here and there to read a book or take a bath?

What is YH doing to help you with the new baby and new position at work? What are you doing to help him deal with being laid off? How well are both of you adjusting to a new city? 

I know that in my family, in times of high stress, DH and I will sometimes get in ruts like you are describing. We are both barking at the kids and just trying to make it through the day. What sometimes works for us is just stopping what we're doing and taking the kids out for something fun.

We also trade off a lot. I'm a SAHM, and if I've had a rough day with the kids DH is really good about telling me to go upstairs and take a nap or go out and get a pedicure. I try to do the same with him (although not a pedicure ) when I notice he's running low on patience.

lb1212

At 4 wks postpartum, you are still hormonal! Add in sleep deprived! Add in taking care of a newborn! Plus 3 SKs! Plus cousins! On top of your husband's lay-off, move to a new city, and your promotion.  That is a lot to deal with! Can you ask your husband to help pick up some slack? In regards to the SK achievements, have they mentioned anything? At 8, 10, 12, they are old enough to understand how demanding a newborn is - and help out! They can hold LO, while your husband cooks dinner and you take a bath!

Cut yourself some slack - and ask your hubby to do the same!  Good luck! 

Mama2TwoBoys

lb1212:

At 4 wks postpartum, you are still hormonal! Add in sleep deprived! Add in taking care of a newborn! Plus 3 SKs! Plus cousins! On top of your husband's lay-off, move to a new city, and your promotion.  That is a lot to deal with! Can you ask your husband to help pick up some slack? In regards to the SK achievements, have they mentioned anything? At 8, 10, 12, they are old enough to understand how demanding a newborn is - and help out! They can hold LO, while your husband cooks dinner and you take a bath!

Cut yourself some slack - and ask your hubby to do the same!  Good luck! 

 YES!

During pregnancy and the first few months with DS, FI and I had the exact same talks. And it was just a matter of surviving each day.

I think just realizing that there is room to improve in the areas you've mentioned is a huge step in the right direction. With the fluctuating hormones, it might be difficult, but try to let go of some of the stress, and enjoy the SK's. Would YH & SK's be willing to do the dishes, laundry, and cleaning if there was an awesome reward at the end? Like going to a fun restaurant, arcade place. Some of my favorite memories are when we all went to Chuck E Cheese.. FI and SS had a blast playing together, and I was free to sit and nurse DS as needed, and the noise of all the machines soothed him right to sleep in the sling.

You'll find that balance in time, it's all new to the rest of the family too. GL!