I think they're a few reasons it is frustrating, first off if you are anything like us we struggle with "stuff", like this year for Christmas we politely requested that when shopping for the kids to avoid just "stuff" or filler. Instead of a bunch of little gifts maybe go in together for a zoo pass, tumbling class, science center tickets etc. because we have limited space and just too much "stuff" and I feel like you kind of end up overwhelmed with things that you may not have need or space for. Second off, showers are usually so close to the end of your pregnancy, you are ready to nest and get everything ready for the baby, but if you don't register for your needs people complain that you don't have enough on your registry etc. so you wait it out, you don't buy things and then at the end you have a bajillion outfits (and in our case at least 1/4 of them weren't even weather/size appropriate) and very few "needs" and not as much time to get them. So I do get it. I am all about being grateful for gifts, but I feel like in this day and age people should have more consideration for the "clutter factor".
I can understand what the OP is saying. I had two showers and was thrilled to be able to spend that time with my family and friends celebrating our new addition. I certainly didn't feel that anyone was required to bring a gift to the showers and would not have been offended in any way if people came without gifts. I did set up registries, but as someone else said, it was mostly so that my husband and I could have a clear list of everything we felt that we needed for our son and where we wanted to purchase those items. That said, since this is my first baby, I sort of assumed that if people did choose to bring a gift, it would be something from the registry, since I've always purchased shower gifts from registries. Like the OP, I'm not upset by this, it was just unexpected. We were given some really thoughtful, wonderful things that for which we did not register, but we also got a TON of newborn clothes (certainly more than one baby could ever wear!) and various other products that we can't use.
My husband and I returned a few items today when we went to Buy Buy Baby and Target to purchase the remaining items we needed for our baby. Some other things we won't be able to return because we have no idea where they came from. We will likely donate these to a shelter or some other children's charity. I don't see any problem with sending a thank you note to the gifter thanking them for their thoughtful gift, but returning the item and exchanging it for something you can use or donating it. As a gift-giver, I would hate to think that I gave someone a gift they couldn't use and that, rather than exchange it for something they needed or donate it to someone in need, they kept it and never used it.
I'm just excited to see some of my friends that I haven't seen in awhile. Life is so busy, I just love the fact that I get to see everyone all at once. If they get stuff on the registry, cool, if not, oh well. We've been trying to whittle away at the necessities since we aren't rich, but we don't expect ppl to get them for us. That being said, if necessary we will return stuff for store credit to get needed items. With our wedding registry we got so many duplicates we ended up returning like 4 "Mr. Coffee" coffee machines since we got 5 at our wedding...we obviously aren't going to open up a coffee shop or keep them in the garage.
I really don't think people were expressing ingratitude, text doesn't show emotion and real feelings. I think those posters were just expressing their surprise since they didn't realize that would happen.
I just want to state that my post, (the 13 blanket one), was just to say I can relate. We were glad to have the people there and the gifts were just a bonus. However, I can honestly say that whenever we have gotten a shower invite, wedding or baby, that we always stuck to registry... why? Because that is what they feel they really want/need. Did we register for the big stuff that we knew we needed? No. We had the furniture, stroller, car seat, etc. already bought well before the shower and never bothered to put it on a registry. Our shower was for the little stuff, the stuff we would like to have, but could live without. We were never planning on using the shower as a means to supply everything we needed. It just came as a shock, as most of our wedding shower gifts were registry items, that how much of the baby stuff was not. We were still grateful for everything we got, we only returned 1, maybe 2 things total (duplicate, or too small... we knew our kid would never get in newborn clothes). It just came as bit of a shock that with all the time you spend in the store creating the registry, how little of it gets actually purchased when it comes to a baby.
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A baby shower, historically, has been a celebration of the baby and a way to shower the mother with gifts. I think back in the day, when a baby didn't need as much (they still don't need as much, we just think they do), people had fun buying cute rattles, blankets and outfits for the mom and that's what she expected from the shower. The parents of the baby were responsible for buying the necessities.
But, baby showers aren't typically like that anymore. Everyone registers and most people know that. It's the same way with weddings. So, I understand as the person having the shower, how you would be confused or even a little annoyed when you go to the trouble to make a registry and then receive a bunch of stuff you feel like you don't need.
Of course you should be grateful for whatever you receive. I just think realistically, in our culture, most people expect to receive what they registered for (at least most of the gifts anyways). Doesn't make it right or wrong, just the way it is. Cut the OP some slack.
As a side note, I want to emphasize what others have said - you may be surprised at how many clothes you end up using. DD had projectile reflux, and while that was a bit unusual, plenty of babies have regular reflux and spit up a lot, plus the pooplosions (which we were lucky enough to not have!!). We changed DD's sleeper and onesie about 3-6 times / day. We had two sleeping bags (our apartment is very cold, so she always slept in a onesie, sleeper/gown, and sleeping bag), and I had to do laundry every day because inevitably she spit up at least once during the night.
Also, we didn't have 14 blankets, but we had quite a few and it was nice not to have to carry the same one around all the time. One was in her stroller, 2 in her playpen, 1-2 around her bed, and 1-2 on the couch. They also got spit up on on a regular basis, so while we were washing them we still had others to use. Same with burp cloths. I got 10 plain, boring (cheap) white ones and figured that would be plenty (for clarification - I bought them myself, they weren't a gift). Um, no. Refer to above statement about projectile reflux. She regularly soaked 10 / day, so I ended up buying another 20.
I'm not saying you definitely will use everything, I'm just saying that you might be surprised, and some of these women who are buying "unnecessary" things and giving them to you might actually be giving them for a good reason!
BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
BFP2: 3/18/12, blighted ovum, natural m/c @ 7w4d BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence
I think never having had a baby before it's hard to know what to expect from a shower. I feel like with our wedding almost everyone bought from our registries but with babies people feel less obligated or inclined to stick to the registry for some reason. About half of the ladies who came to my shower used our registries and half didn't. Most of what we got from elsewhere was clothes, some of which were 24 months which surprised me. They are adorable though!
Anyway, I think it's just stressful when there are so many things we think we need or really do need and people spend their money on things we don't really need. Any gift is generous of course, this is just a stressful time. We received so much of what we registered for from our wedding registries a few years ago that I thought it would be the same situation when it came to baby and the things we needed for baby seemed even more important than things we registered for for our wedding. We exchanged a few things and returned truly extraneous items that we wouldn't use, and even donated a few things that were just truly not our style. Of course I sent thank you notes for all the gifts and thanked everyone for their generosity and support.
At first, I was going to leave this post alone, but I just can't.nbsp;i am so saddened that it has almost become acceptable for people to be sad, disappointed, and in some cases, even bordering on angry when it comes to gifts. nbsp;How entitled are we as a society becoming when we expect gifts to come off a list or to meet a certain criteria? nbsp;They are GIFTS. nbsp;nbsp;Can we not be grateful that someone took their time to attend a shower and, bonus, they brought a gift...regardless of it coming off the registry or not? nbsp;Isn't that the kind of gratitude we want to instill in our children? nbsp;Maybe I am in the minority, but I believe that my attitudes and behaviors are important examples to my children about the kind of person I strive to be and hope they will become. nbsp;
All.of.this. You expressed it better than I could.
And again.
Also I think the only was someone can be a "selfish" gift giver is if they get something that they would use, not you...aka Homer from the Simpsons getting Marge a bowling ball. People get DD things that aren't to our taste all the time (latest was a Disney princess doll) but I don't think of these people as selfish, they just think that's what she/we would like.
Good grief, has this thread gotten out of hand or what?
Look ladies, I'm sure you all mean well, and heaven knows that when you post on a "public" forum as this you are opening yourself up to everyone's opinion, but this poor girl did not come here for you to pass judgement on her and resort to name calling (I recall seeing rude, ungrateful, entitled, etc)...sheesh. And I'm sure she didn't come here with the expectation to cause a such a heated debate (over 1700 views and nearly 60 responses???). She came here to express a simple frustration. Whether or not you agree with her is irrelevent; this is a place where we are supposed to be supporting one another, not tearing each other down. It almost makes me not want to post here anymore, except I've been fortunate enough to have some really kind people support me here already and I know they are out there! If you don't have something nice to say, don't say it at all.
Getting back to the original post: girl, I feel ya. I agree that everyone who has planned and/or attended and/or sent us a gift is so kind, and I am so appreciative of those who have put in the time and effort (and cash!) to help celebrate me and the little one. But I will be frank: when it comes to my baby, I don't really care about what you want for him, I care about what I want (and need) for him. A gift here and there not on the registry is fine (I got a handmade blanket from a cheerleader and her mom I will absolutely cherish forever), but to me, the point of the registry is 1) to help people know what you want and need, 2) to help avoid duplicate gifts, and 3) to give people who care about you an opportunity to support you during a new, challenging period in your life. Wonderful, amazing, indescribable, yes, but difficult nonetheless. Showers are first and foremost about celebrating, absolutely; they are also to help make a new mom's life a little easier and make her feel supported and loved. I don't think you should feel at all guilty about returning the items you don't want/need for items that you do; several people who gave me gifts attached a gift receipt and told me to do just that if I wanted to. At the end of the day, this isn't about your guests - no matter how kind, thoughtful, or genereous they may be, although those are wonderful things to be cherished. It is about you, your new baby, and your new little family.
And I will add, I have never, ever gone to a baby shower with a gift that wasn't on the registry. As a gift giver to a new mom, I want her to have what she wants and needs. My wants should 100% take a backseat to hers. If I find a gift I love that she loves, fantastic - I love to give those. If I don't, she gets what she loves anyways because it is about her and not about me.
I know the feeling. During our 1st pregnancy, we registered for maybe 3 blankets, got 14. FOURTEEN BLANKETS. Half of the blankets came from places of undetermined origin. We appreciate the thought and the love, but what do we need with 14 freaking blankets???
We got TONS of blankets too. Right now they're just sitting in piles under the crib. I feel bad because I know I'm not going to use all of them, but seriously... it's not like the baby is gonna live outside!
We have a bunch of blankets and 8 SNOW SUITS!!! I might need 1 but 8? Really? I didn't even register for one.
At our first shower all we got were clothes. My step mom and my aunt got me things off me registry and that was it!! The rest were closthes........
We just had our second shower where DH and I live, with some of his and I's co worker's and his family. They got us most everything we need off our registry. Got a lot more clothes and I'm going to return a good bit of them to get our baby monitors.
Wow, I sure missed a lot on this thread... Not that anyone cares where I stand on this, but for the record, put me firmly in the category of:
I would never have the gall to complain about presents people bought me. Never, ever. If I got things I couldn't use, I would see it as an opportunity to help a friend in need or to donate to a worthy charity. Maybe I would save the left-overs to "shop at home and save" - say, if I had a baby shower for a friend coming up, I might pick something out of my stash and put it aside for her.
OP, it's one thing to feel disappointed; I might feel disappointed too if I didn't get what I want.
But it's another to complain about it in public, even an anonymous
public. If you'd be embarrassed to say it to total strangers at a large cocktail party, it's better not to say it here.
OP, it's one thing to feel disappointed; I might feel disappointed too if I didn't get what I want.
But it's another to complain about it in public, even an anonymous
public. If you'd be embarrassed to say it to total strangers at a large cocktail party, it's better not to say it here.
I highly disagree with this. The fact that this is a mostly anonymous forum helps us discuss things that we normally wouldn't. Would YOU discuss the changes in your poo to strangers at a cocktail party? No, probably not. However, we get posts like that almost every day on these boards. There are questions I would ask on here that I wouldn't ask anyone except my doctor, and possibly (MAYBE) my mom.
So while you think her "complaining" on a public forum is all kinds of wrong, I think this is actually the perfect place for it. Despite a lot of people disagreeing with her, she did find several who did agree with her, and it might have made her feel better. If she is a decent human being, (and I'm assuming she is), then I doubt she would have said any of that stuff to the people who gave her the gifts. We all know proper etiquette. We all know you smile, say a gracious thank you, send thank you cards, and all that jazz. Like you said, that doesn't mean she can't FEEL disappointed.
Good grief, has this thread gotten out of hand or what?
Look ladies, I'm sure you all mean well, and heaven knows that when you post on a "public" forum as this you are opening yourself up to everyone's opinion, but this poor girl did not come here for you to pass judgement on her and resort to name calling (I recall seeing rude, ungrateful, entitled, etc)...sheesh. And I'm sure she didn't come here with the expectation to cause a such a heated debate (over 1700 views and nearly 60 responses???). She came here to express a simple frustration. Whether or not you agree with her is irrelevent; this is a place where we are supposed to be supporting one another, not tearing each other down. It almost makes me not want to post here anymore, except I've been fortunate enough to have some really kind people support me here already and I know they are out there! If you don't have something nice to say, don't say it at all.
Massive eyeroll to all of this part. I am sorry. I'm sick of people saying that we can't disagree on this board and we need to be more supportive. Give me a break. This board is very supportive, but anytime anyone posts a different opinion, someone has to come out and say, "You guys are being too mean!"
Compared to most of the other boards, the responses in this post were pretty tame. The fact is we will not always agree! People are allowed to express their opinions to what other posters post on this board. I ESPECIALLY hate the "if you don't have something nice to say..." response. You're telling someone how they should respond to a post. That's ridiculous.
If this isn't a place for open discussion (yes, even of different opinions), then what's the point? We just have to all agree, smile, and nod? I don't think so.
The problem is people dont realize that what you put on your registry is the stuff you need... we got so many clothes, but yeah i would have felt the same if we didnt get any of the stuff we needed... we might as well not have had a shower/registry at all... Good luck with taking everything back and getting what you need!!
~Formerly~AngnShaun~
~~Transferred 2 Perfect Embryos 5/28 - BFP 6/4~~ HAILEY ELIZABETH ~2/16/13~ 6:39am ~ 6lbs 2oz ~ 20" long ~ 1 Year ~ 20lbs 14oz ~ 29.25"~
The problem is people dont realize that what you put on your registry is the stuff you need.
Many people treat the registry differently.
I certainly don't need a thing off mine. It's all extra stuff that would be fun to have, but I'm not SOL without it.
We bought the necessary items ourselves, because that's our responsibility as her parents. It's not anyone else's job to provide the essentials for our baby.
OP, it's one thing to feel disappointed; I might feel disappointed too if I didn't get what I want.
But it's another to complain about it in public, even an anonymous
public. If you'd be embarrassed to say it to total strangers at a large cocktail party, it's better not to say it here.
I highly disagree with this. The fact that this is a mostly anonymous forum helps us discuss things that we normally wouldn't. Would YOU discuss the changes in your poo to strangers at a cocktail party? No, probably not. However, we get posts like that almost every day on these boards. There are questions I would ask on here that I wouldn't ask anyone except my doctor, and possibly (MAYBE) my mom.
So while you think her "complaining" on a public forum is all kinds of wrong, I think this is actually the perfect place for it. Despite a lot of people disagreeing with her, she did find several who did agree with her, and it might have made her feel better. If she is a decent human being, (and I'm assuming she is), then I doubt she would have said any of that stuff to the people who gave her the gifts. We all know proper etiquette. We all know you smile, say a gracious thank you, send thank you cards, and all that jazz. Like you said, that doesn't mean she can't FEEL disappointed.
Okay, then let me amend my original statement to say:
If you think it might offend strangers at a cocktail party, be prepared for offended responses here.
I agree we come here to talk about things we otherwise couldn't, but we also give more direct and/or inflamed responses than we might normally. So I guess I meant, if you don't want to be jumped on, don't say anything that could encourage someone to jump on you.
I have no issue with her feeling disappointed, since as you point out we both assume she didn't pitch a fit at the party. People will make certain assumptions about your general character based
on whatever snapshot you give them, especially on the internet. By voicing her disappointment, she opened herself to criticism. I personally would not put myself in that position, however disappointed I felt.
Not that this thread needs any more comments...but I just wanted to say that I received so many piggy banks and frames from my shower for DS. I remember thinking "what am I supposed to do with all these piggy banks?" And then feeling so guilty for even having that thought.
So I understand where you're coming from. I also understand the other side here. Before I had kids, I ALWAYS picked out cute outfits for baby showers. I had no idea about the importance of a registry, I wanted to buy something cute with meaning.
With #2 though, we've received just a couple gifts and the appreciation I have for them is so much different. With my first, I definitely got wrapped up in all the things I thought I just had to have to keep the baby alive and I lost sight of the fact that every little piggy bank was a sign of love for my unborn child. As cheesy as that sounds.
Okay, then let me amend my original statement to say:
If you think it might offend strangers at a cocktail party, be prepared for offended responses here.
I agree we come here to talk about things we otherwise couldn't, but we also give more direct and/or inflamed responses than we might normally. So I guess I meant, if you don't want to be jumped on, don't say anything that could encourage someone to jump on you.
I have no issue with her feeling disappointed, since as you point out we both assume she didn't pitch a fit at the party. People will make certain assumptions about your general character based
on whatever snapshot you give them, especially on the internet. By voicing her disappointment, she opened herself to criticism. I personally would not put myself in that position, however disappointed I felt.
Yes, this I can definitely agree with. If this is what you were trying to say to begin with, I apologize for the misunderstanding.
Re: Showers do not equal registry gifts
Make a pregnancy ticker
I can understand what the OP is saying. I had two showers and was thrilled to be able to spend that time with my family and friends celebrating our new addition. I certainly didn't feel that anyone was required to bring a gift to the showers and would not have been offended in any way if people came without gifts. I did set up registries, but as someone else said, it was mostly so that my husband and I could have a clear list of everything we felt that we needed for our son and where we wanted to purchase those items. That said, since this is my first baby, I sort of assumed that if people did choose to bring a gift, it would be something from the registry, since I've always purchased shower gifts from registries. Like the OP, I'm not upset by this, it was just unexpected. We were given some really thoughtful, wonderful things that for which we did not register, but we also got a TON of newborn clothes (certainly more than one baby could ever wear!) and various other products that we can't use.
My husband and I returned a few items today when we went to Buy Buy Baby and Target to purchase the remaining items we needed for our baby. Some other things we won't be able to return because we have no idea where they came from. We will likely donate these to a shelter or some other children's charity. I don't see any problem with sending a thank you note to the gifter thanking them for their thoughtful gift, but returning the item and exchanging it for something you can use or donating it. As a gift-giver, I would hate to think that I gave someone a gift they couldn't use and that, rather than exchange it for something they needed or donate it to someone in need, they kept it and never used it.
I'm just excited to see some of my friends that I haven't seen in awhile. Life is so busy, I just love the fact that I get to see everyone all at once. If they get stuff on the registry, cool, if not, oh well. We've been trying to whittle away at the necessities since we aren't rich, but we don't expect ppl to get them for us. That being said, if necessary we will return stuff for store credit to get needed items. With our wedding registry we got so many duplicates we ended up returning like 4 "Mr. Coffee" coffee machines since we got 5 at our wedding...we obviously aren't going to open up a coffee shop or keep them in the garage.
I really don't think people were expressing ingratitude, text doesn't show emotion and real feelings. I think those posters were just expressing their surprise since they didn't realize that would happen.
I see both sides.
A baby shower, historically, has been a celebration of the baby and a way to shower the mother with gifts. I think back in the day, when a baby didn't need as much (they still don't need as much, we just think they do), people had fun buying cute rattles, blankets and outfits for the mom and that's what she expected from the shower. The parents of the baby were responsible for buying the necessities.
But, baby showers aren't typically like that anymore. Everyone registers and most people know that. It's the same way with weddings. So, I understand as the person having the shower, how you would be confused or even a little annoyed when you go to the trouble to make a registry and then receive a bunch of stuff you feel like you don't need.
Of course you should be grateful for whatever you receive. I just think realistically, in our culture, most people expect to receive what they registered for (at least most of the gifts anyways). Doesn't make it right or wrong, just the way it is. Cut the OP some slack.
As a side note, I want to emphasize what others have said - you may be surprised at how many clothes you end up using. DD had projectile reflux, and while that was a bit unusual, plenty of babies have regular reflux and spit up a lot, plus the pooplosions (which we were lucky enough to not have!!). We changed DD's sleeper and onesie about 3-6 times / day. We had two sleeping bags (our apartment is very cold, so she always slept in a onesie, sleeper/gown, and sleeping bag), and I had to do laundry every day because inevitably she spit up at least once during the night.
Also, we didn't have 14 blankets, but we had quite a few and it was nice not to have to carry the same one around all the time. One was in her stroller, 2 in her playpen, 1-2 around her bed, and 1-2 on the couch. They also got spit up on on a regular basis, so while we were washing them we still had others to use. Same with burp cloths. I got 10 plain, boring (cheap) white ones and figured that would be plenty (for clarification - I bought them myself, they weren't a gift). Um, no. Refer to above statement about projectile reflux. She regularly soaked 10 / day, so I ended up buying another 20.
I'm not saying you definitely will use everything, I'm just saying that you might be surprised, and some of these women who are buying "unnecessary" things and giving them to you might actually be giving them for a good reason!
BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence
Anyway, I think it's just stressful when there are so many things we think we need or really do need and people spend their money on things we don't really need. Any gift is generous of course, this is just a stressful time. We received so much of what we registered for from our wedding registries a few years ago that I thought it would be the same situation when it came to baby and the things we needed for baby seemed even more important than things we registered for for our wedding. We exchanged a few things and returned truly extraneous items that we wouldn't use, and even donated a few things that were just truly not our style. Of course I sent thank you notes for all the gifts and thanked everyone for their generosity and support.
And again.
Also I think the only was someone can be a "selfish" gift giver is if they get something that they would use, not you...aka Homer from the Simpsons getting Marge a bowling ball. People get DD things that aren't to our taste all the time (latest was a Disney princess doll) but I don't think of these people as selfish, they just think that's what she/we would like.
Good grief, has this thread gotten out of hand or what?
Look ladies, I'm sure you all mean well, and heaven knows that when you post on a "public" forum as this you are opening yourself up to everyone's opinion, but this poor girl did not come here for you to pass judgement on her and resort to name calling (I recall seeing rude, ungrateful, entitled, etc)...sheesh. And I'm sure she didn't come here with the expectation to cause a such a heated debate (over 1700 views and nearly 60 responses???). She came here to express a simple frustration. Whether or not you agree with her is irrelevent; this is a place where we are supposed to be supporting one another, not tearing each other down. It almost makes me not want to post here anymore, except I've been fortunate enough to have some really kind people support me here already and I know they are out there! If you don't have something nice to say, don't say it at all.
Getting back to the original post: girl, I feel ya. I agree that everyone who has planned and/or attended and/or sent us a gift is so kind, and I am so appreciative of those who have put in the time and effort (and cash!) to help celebrate me and the little one. But I will be frank: when it comes to my baby, I don't really care about what you want for him, I care about what I want (and need) for him. A gift here and there not on the registry is fine (I got a handmade blanket from a cheerleader and her mom I will absolutely cherish forever), but to me, the point of the registry is 1) to help people know what you want and need, 2) to help avoid duplicate gifts, and 3) to give people who care about you an opportunity to support you during a new, challenging period in your life. Wonderful, amazing, indescribable, yes, but difficult nonetheless. Showers are first and foremost about celebrating, absolutely; they are also to help make a new mom's life a little easier and make her feel supported and loved. I don't think you should feel at all guilty about returning the items you don't want/need for items that you do; several people who gave me gifts attached a gift receipt and told me to do just that if I wanted to. At the end of the day, this isn't about your guests - no matter how kind, thoughtful, or genereous they may be, although those are wonderful things to be cherished. It is about you, your new baby, and your new little family.
And I will add, I have never, ever gone to a baby shower with a gift that wasn't on the registry. As a gift giver to a new mom, I want her to have what she wants and needs. My wants should 100% take a backseat to hers. If I find a gift I love that she loves, fantastic - I love to give those. If I don't, she gets what she loves anyways because it is about her and not about me.
We have a bunch of blankets and 8 SNOW SUITS!!! I might need 1 but 8? Really? I didn't even register for one.
At our first shower all we got were clothes. My step mom and my aunt got me things off me registry and that was it!! The rest were closthes........
We just had our second shower where DH and I live, with some of his and I's co worker's and his family. They got us most everything we need off our registry. Got a lot more clothes and I'm going to return a good bit of them to get our baby monitors.
Wow, I sure missed a lot on this thread... Not that anyone cares where I stand on this, but for the record, put me firmly in the category of:
I would never have the gall to complain about presents people bought me. Never, ever. If I got things I couldn't use, I would see it as an opportunity to help a friend in need or to donate to a worthy charity. Maybe I would save the left-overs to "shop at home and save" - say, if I had a baby shower for a friend coming up, I might pick something out of my stash and put it aside for her.
OP, it's one thing to feel disappointed; I might feel disappointed too if I didn't get what I want. But it's another to complain about it in public, even an anonymous public. If you'd be embarrassed to say it to total strangers at a large cocktail party, it's better not to say it here.
I highly disagree with this. The fact that this is a mostly anonymous forum helps us discuss things that we normally wouldn't. Would YOU discuss the changes in your poo to strangers at a cocktail party? No, probably not. However, we get posts like that almost every day on these boards. There are questions I would ask on here that I wouldn't ask anyone except my doctor, and possibly (MAYBE) my mom.
So while you think her "complaining" on a public forum is all kinds of wrong, I think this is actually the perfect place for it. Despite a lot of people disagreeing with her, she did find several who did agree with her, and it might have made her feel better. If she is a decent human being, (and I'm assuming she is), then I doubt she would have said any of that stuff to the people who gave her the gifts. We all know proper etiquette. We all know you smile, say a gracious thank you, send thank you cards, and all that jazz. Like you said, that doesn't mean she can't FEEL disappointed.
Massive eyeroll to all of this part. I am sorry. I'm sick of people saying that we can't disagree on this board and we need to be more supportive. Give me a break. This board is very supportive, but anytime anyone posts a different opinion, someone has to come out and say, "You guys are being too mean!"
Compared to most of the other boards, the responses in this post were pretty tame. The fact is we will not always agree! People are allowed to express their opinions to what other posters post on this board. I ESPECIALLY hate the "if you don't have something nice to say..." response. You're telling someone how they should respond to a post. That's ridiculous.
If this isn't a place for open discussion (yes, even of different opinions), then what's the point? We just have to all agree, smile, and nod? I don't think so.
Many people treat the registry differently.
I certainly don't need a thing off mine. It's all extra stuff that would be fun to have, but I'm not SOL without it.
We bought the necessary items ourselves, because that's our responsibility as her parents. It's not anyone else's job to provide the essentials for our baby.
Okay, then let me amend my original statement to say:
If you think it might offend strangers at a cocktail party, be prepared for offended responses here.
I agree we come here to talk about things we otherwise couldn't, but we also give more direct and/or inflamed responses than we might normally. So I guess I meant, if you don't want to be jumped on, don't say anything that could encourage someone to jump on you.
I have no issue with her feeling disappointed, since as you point out we both assume she didn't pitch a fit at the party. People will make certain assumptions about your general character based on whatever snapshot you give them, especially on the internet. By voicing her disappointment, she opened herself to criticism. I personally would not put myself in that position, however disappointed I felt.
Not that this thread needs any more comments...but I just wanted to say that I received so many piggy banks and frames from my shower for DS. I remember thinking "what am I supposed to do with all these piggy banks?" And then feeling so guilty for even having that thought.
So I understand where you're coming from. I also understand the other side here. Before I had kids, I ALWAYS picked out cute outfits for baby showers. I had no idea about the importance of a registry, I wanted to buy something cute with meaning.
With #2 though, we've received just a couple gifts and the appreciation I have for them is so much different. With my first, I definitely got wrapped up in all the things I thought I just had to have to keep the baby alive and I lost sight of the fact that every little piggy bank was a sign of love for my unborn child. As cheesy as that sounds.
growing a foosa
Yes, this I can definitely agree with. If this is what you were trying to say to begin with, I apologize for the misunderstanding.