Either way I'm destroying my child's psyche apparently

LER091811

I'm talking about CIO vs. not. My daughter was a great sleeper until hurricane Sandy. Then we were moving all over trying to stay warm, the loss of routine stopped her from sleeping through the night. She has never done it since. She sleeps right next to us, we have a one bedroom apartment and that's how I like it. But now she's been sleeping in our bed for more and more of the night, because she nurses back to sleep when she wakes up, we all fall asleep, bleh. I never wanted to co-sleep. It's not terrible, but I don't want to keep it up because my husband and I like our bed to ourselves.

I guess it's a problem that she only nurses to sleep. Or isn't it? To listen to the attachment parenting types, it's perfectly wonderful and if I let her cry it out I'll be ravaging her mind and destroying our relationship. To listen to my babywise friends, I'm letting her enslave me and not helping establish good sleep habits and setting myself up for awfulness when she's a toddler. Ack.

 I just feel so sad when I try to let her cry it out. Plus she gets up into the crawling position in her crib and then it seems hopeless that she'll just conk out. I see her looking around for us and it makes me feel so sad. But I feel like I could possibly be depriving her of sleep skills and good sleep hygiene by letting this go on. I just hate how the different parenting philosophies make your choices seem so threatening.  

 

Edit: I should add she will also reach through the bars of her crib and try to grab at me while I'm trying to ignore her in the night haha. She's crazy. It seems like CIO is hopeless now that she's so aware.

Babybear70

Here's how I look at this. I've been dealt the same "advice" you have been dealt. Let him cry, don't feed (we FF) him to sleep, don't rock him...blah blah blah. You know what, he is my kid and I'm going to do what I want to do with him. Just because I pick him up or go to his side when he starts crying, doesn't mean I'm raising a manipulative little brat. Just because I rock him to sleep doesn't mean he is enslaving me. Look, I didn't sign up for motherhood with the thoughts of it being easy. I will always be there for my kid, no matter what.

I feel that right now isn't a time of right and wrong, teaching them how to be strong and independent is for later in life. I'm still trying to establish a strong bond with my son, so he knows I'm always there for him when he needs me. If I'm not there for the little things now, how will I ever let him know that I will be there for the big things later. That is my mentality. Now, this works for me but it might not work for you. At the end of the day you need to do what is best for you and your daughter. Forget what anyone else has to say...you don't have to answer to them. And if they judge you for the decisions you have made for your child, to give her a safe and happy place to exist in life, then they really aren't any sort of friends you would want to have at all.

Again, this is just my two cents, but I feel like you should do what is best for you.

kgauntt

No advice but you're not alone. I'm in the same boat. You just have to go with what you're comfortable with. My husband won't let me do CIO with our baby, but I don't know if I would anyways. She sleeps right between us, like a rock! I still sleep okay though.

SunAndRain

Babybear70:

Here's how I look at this. I've been dealt the same "advice" you have been dealt. Let him cry, don't feed (we FF) him to sleep, don't rock him...blah blah blah. You know what, he is my kid and I'm going to do what I want to do with him. Just because I pick him up or go to his side when he starts crying, doesn't mean I'm raising a manipulative little brat. Just because I rock him to sleep doesn't mean he is enslaving me. Look, I didn't sign up for motherhood with the thoughts of it being easy. I will always be there for my kid, no matter what. 

Again, this is just my two cents, but I feel like you should do what is best for you.

You are an informed parent.  You are intelligent.  Trust your instincts and do what you think is best.

At the end of the day you can always try another approach if what you are doing isn't working for you and LO.

And remember this when others impose their views on you: It is easier to JUDGE a parent than it is to PARENT.  That helps me ignore the overbearing commentators.

jjt616

Babybear70:

Here's how I look at this. I've been dealt the same "advice" you have been dealt. Let him cry, don't feed we FFnbsp;him to sleep, don't rock him...blah blah blah. You know what, he is my kid and I'm going to do what I want to do with him. Just because I pick him up or go to his side when he starts crying, doesn't mean I'm raising a manipulative little brat. Just because I rock him to sleep doesn't mean he is enslaving me. Look, I didn't sign up for motherhood with the thoughts of it being easy. I will always be there for my kid, no matter what.I feel that right now isn't a time of right and wrong, teaching them how to be strong and independent is for later in life. I'm still trying to establish a strong bond with my son, so he knows I'm always there for him when he needs me. If I'm not there for the little things now, how will I ever let him know that I will be there for the big things later. That is my mentality. Now, this works for me but it might not work for you. At the end of the day you need to do what is best for you and your daughter. Forget what anyone else has to say...you don't have to answer to them. And if they judge you for the decisions you have made for your child, to give her a safe and happy place to exist in life, then they really aren't any sort of friends you would want to have at all. Again, this is just my two cents, but I feel like you should do what is best for you.

This!!!! I love and agree with every word you said! Right now your DD had gone through a lot of change and I think there is nothing wrong with being right there for her. If she does develop sleep issues then you can deal with that later when it becomes too much for both of you.

leah2b

I hear you.  Its a tough call.  I hate to have my daughter cry at night, but I have noticed that the more I nurse her, the more she wants to get up at night for that comfort. I have been back to work for 3 months and I am getting exhausted from being up with her 3 to 5 times a night. While I was home on maternity leave it wasnt as much of an issue because I didn't have to really "think" during the day or have such a strict schedule.   If you are capable of dealing with the night awakenings and can still perform your daily duties and are not growing resentful of the situation, then you shouldn't feel bad it.  Your daughter will eventually sleep through the night.

forestdancer

You have to do what's best for you. And pfft to everyone else.