this isnt about baby- its about my lazy husband! help.

FORTCSZ2012

i love my husband- but he has absolutely no desire to take care of our 3mo. he half heartedly will rock her for five minutes after getting home from work, and then almost immediately hand her off so he can "wind down" by playing video games or, riding his bike around- which is fine but, then whenever i try to hand her off to him again later in the evening, he acts like its a burden- and then once again, after 15 or 20 minutes, shes back to me. im exhausted. i spend 24/7 with her which, is awesome because i love her- but i get no helping hand from him. we co-sleep too (until im done breastfeeding) and whenever she wakes up at night he rolls over and covers his ears- he told me that hes learned to sleep heavier to ignore her cries- ! ! ! anyways, im sleep deprived like woah (she wakes up constantly because she cant pass gas in her sleep yet so she fusses a whole lot) and before we had baby, we made a deal that during the week id wake up whenever she needed me but on weekends its his turn- which has yet to happen. hes either gone at work, going out with his friends or at home but still not helping because "he needs a break"- how can i approach him about his "laziness" without being mean/offensive? i feel like the exhaustion has taken all of my patience and kindness. . . i need a break too!

danielle2583

This is similar to a situation we were in a while back. Everytime LO wakes up (she's in her crib) he always puts his pillow over his head. We ebf so it's not like he can help but it always fills me with rage for some reason. He also used to get frustrated with her crying way quicker than I would, so I would end up getting her back within ten minutes when all I wanted to do was shower or make supper, or just be without her for a while.

All I can say is have a serious conversation about it. He may pull the "well I don't have boobs so I can't help" like my h did, to which I replied that isn't the only reason she ever cries. Now that she's getting older he's gotten better. Someone told me that some guys just don't bond well with baby babies, that they're more interactive with small children that can run/play/talk/walk/eat etc.

GL

linzeek44

I would sit down some time, not in the middle of the night and when the baby is calm, and talk. Instead of saying, "you do this and it makes me crazy," I would approach it like, "I really need a break/shower etc. how can we make that happen?"

It sounds like he isn't really comfortable with the baby yet. 

If he isn't comfortable with soothing her, maybe he can take her for a walk or a drive. You can also ask what he does want to do with her (maybe he likes bath time and can do that). Once you have him helping out some, then you can ask for help with other things since he will be comfortable with the baby care stuff.

You could also leave. He can't pass the baby back after fifteen minutes if you have said you won't be back for thirty. 

Does he watch how you soothe her or play with her? I think seeing what I do has helped a lot. 

Eastie156

I agree with linzeek. It sounds like DH isn't comfortable with the baby yet. To be honest, my DH just became comfortable recently with LO. For the first time today, he took E for a walk in his stroller by himself. Sometimes it just takes time. Verbalize how you are feeling and that you need some you time. GL!

laurenhankey

Men typically take a little longer to build a bond with the baby.  WHen LO starts to become more interactive it when they start to take more interest.  My DH and I had to have this talk to and he said this exact same thing.  When I was home on maternity leave I got up w/ her every night all night long.  On the weekends I got up w/ her the first time and he got up w/ her the 2nd time so I was able to "sleep in".  Don't talk to him when you're mad or frustrated but when things are calm with you guys; it will make him more receptive to your feelings.  YOu both made this baby and you both need to take care of LO.  Being a mommy is full time too and you been a break as well. 

After my husband and I talked about all this he really made a bigger effort. It also helped that LO was starting to become more interactive at that point...laughing, playing, etc.  I asked him to do bath time everynight so they had their "special" time together.  It gets better. Just be honest and talk openly to him about it.  Don't blame or accuse, use a lot of "I feel" comments and hopefully he'll be open to it.  Good luck

Neary2011

FORTCSZ2012 said:

i love my husband- but he has absolutely no desire to take care of our 3mo. he half heartedly will rock her for five minutes after getting home from work, and then almost immediately hand her off so he can "wind down" by playing video games or, riding his bike around- which is fine but, then whenever i try to hand her off to him again later in the evening, he acts like its a burden- and then once again, after 15 or 20 minutes, shes back to me. im exhausted. i spend 24/7 with her which, is awesome because i love her- but i get no helping hand from him. we co-sleep too (until im done breastfeeding) and whenever she wakes up at night he rolls over and covers his ears- he told me that hes learned to sleep heavier to ignore her cries- ! ! ! anyways, im sleep deprived like woah (she wakes up constantly because she cant pass gas in her sleep yet so she fusses a whole lot) and before we had baby, we made a deal that during the week id wake up whenever she needed me but on weekends its his turn- which has yet to happen. hes either gone at work, going out with his friends or at home but still not helping because "he needs a break"- how can i approach him about his "laziness" without being mean/offensive? i feel like the exhaustion has taken all of my patience and kindness. . . i need a break too!

I am in the same situation that your in, because my husband acts the same way. He works a full time job from 5:30 am to 6:30pm., and when he gets home from work he gives our daughter a kiss and a pat on the head and then goes upstairs to relax. He doesn't help with anything at night and if he does hear her, he tunes her out or tells me that she is awake. When my husband is off from work he sits in our room and plays video games all day, he only comes downstairs for a drink or eat. My husband just thinks because he works that I should solely take care of our daughter all on my own and it 's not fair to either one of us. I am sorry that I didn't give you any advice, but I understand how you feel. I have tried to talk to my husband before but it always seams to get on another subject, something that has nothing to do with what we are talking about. 

B27

Tell him "I cook" (meaning your boobs haha) "you clean" diapers, bath , whatever