Oldtimers

Littlejen22

You will all be shocked. My SD had been living with her boyfriend for about 3 years, pretty shortly after they started dating because she had no where else to live. Well he broke up with her and her and a friend found a place to rent together and she moved yesterday. She actually called DH crying because it is hard and she misses him. He suggested that she call me and she did. I probably talked for over 30 min mostly just assuring her that she is doing what she thinks is best he is guilting her that if she only did x,y, and z they would have worked and reassuring her she will move on. I also told her that she is mourning what they used to have, what she thought they could have, and the ideal of what it was. I also suggested that she make a list of things she wants to do or wants to accomplish and do it, she is only 23 and really needs to figure out who she is and what SHE wants. And a bunch of other stuff.

She actually asked me to have dinner with her, just the two of us! I have not spend a minute alone with her since she was essentially kicked out 4 1/2 years ago. We are going to do dinner on Sunday. I think she really wants a "Mom" figure right now and her BM barely calls and when she does it is all BS and excuses and about her and across the country...she has not even seen her since BM gave up after the 13 days and shipped her back 4 1/2 years ago.. And she shockingly seems to have her head on straight about the breakup, she is devastated but can tell me that she knows it is for the best and she is done trying and she does not want to be with anyone right now.

So, huge step forward. I am sure there will be step backs too but her reaching out is really big for her.

sweetie0228

Hopefully this can segueway into a nice adult relationship with her.

Ilumine

You mean that there is hope out there?

 Seriously, this is a testament to YOU.

Littlejen22

Ilumine:

You mean that there is hope out there?nbsp;Seriously, this is a testament to YOU.

Thanks! And she just texted me saying thanks, that she did not cry again after talking to me that I really calmed her down and she loves me. Pretty amazing with all we went through to know it can get better, hopefully it will continue. I think she is realizing her family was always here if she wanted it.

But I will still stick by my comments that a stepparent or any parent cannot expect that they will grow up and see the light many people never do and we are certainly not at the end of this, just nice to know we might all have a relationship after all.

nattyncbride

I am not an oldtimer, thus don't know your entire back story, but just wanted to say it's great to read this.  It's always nice to hear stories like this, and to know, if you stay true to you, children do mature and relationships can heal/grow closer.  This is heart warming for any family, but particularly blended families.  I hope dinner goes well on Sunday.

ambrvan

Wow. I just realized I am probably the youngest on this board. I am the same age as your daughter.

MrsBPO

Wow Jen, that is great news to hear.  I hope she continues to keep her head where it needs to be...goes back to school, meets interesting people and does interesting things before she decides that she needs to be part of a couple again.

 As Illumine said so perfectly, this is a testament to all your hard work.  Congratulations.

(and HI!!!)

Ginlyn0

That's awesome Jen!

Littlejen22

MrsBPO:

Wow Jen, that is great news to hear.nbsp; I hope she continues to keep her head where it needs to be...goes back to school, meets interesting people and does interesting things before she decides that she needs to be part of a couple again.nbsp;As Illumine said so perfectly, this is a testament to all your hard work.nbsp; Congratulations.and HI!!!

Thanks. And I would love to see her go to college one day but right now I cannot imagine it, she tried to do a dental hygiene class and the a dental radiology class and quit on the second one because it was too hard. But at least we got her through high school graduation can you believe it has been almost five years!. I know she does not want to be a waitress forever so hopefully she will eventually do something else.

Ugh, I knew you were insanely young but never realized you were that young! Makes me realize how immature SD is in many ways but man you are still a baby with babies! Yeah, I know that is annoying but still true, and I thought Krissy was a baby, lol. FWIW I am only 38, 15 years older than SD but I was 26 when I met her and almost 28 when she moved in with us.

sweetwalks

ambrvan:

Wow. I just realized I am probably the youngest on this board. I am the same age as your daughter.

I doubt you're the youngest. I'll be 23 in September. And yes Jen, a baby with babies. Moved out on my own at 17, lived a pretty rough life for a few years and made bad choices that resulted in DS, but in turn led me to DH later.

I'm only 23, but building a house with my husband, an Associates degree and working on 2 Bachelors. It can be done.

It's great to hear stories like this, not because I'm going through the same thing but because I was a stepdaughter much like yours and know that situations can change.

+just+j+

Not to be the pessimist, but SD did this too.  Not saying your SD will do the same, but there are similarities in the two.

I hope however yours turns out to be a better story and I am happy to hear she  is reaching out to you.

Good luck with it. 

ambrvan

It's not annoying to be told that at all. Lol! I AM young! The difference in my 23 and your SDs 23 is that she is doi g things and discovering things and making mistakes that 23yos are supposed to make. I had to decide to grow up when I met DH and SD. My accidental pregnancy DS was not a mature move, albeit, but there really is no more 23yo life for me. Lol. DH is older than me 28, but we always say we will be able to be kids when the kids are grown.

Hopefully your SD will learn to be happy with herself before trying to be happy with someone else. Nothing in have life works out if you don't figure that out. Sounds like a good step forward for your family, though. I hope it continues to go well.

Littlejen22

justj:

Not to be the pessimist, but SD did this too.nbsp; Not saying your SD will do the same, but there are similarities in the two. I hope however yours turns out to be a better story and I am happy to hear shenbsp; is reaching out to you.Good luck with it.nbsp;

Oh I have always seen many differences between then. The one big difference is that my SD has not asked a thing of us in about 3 1/2 or more years, and not in that I am cutting you out of my life way. I don't know if it is because of the differences between them or that my DH put his foot down when she was 18 but while she might not be in contact when things go wrong in her life she at least never pulled the "you are out of my life card".

But I am cautiously optimistic that she is emotionally maturing. As for the school stuff, I said I would love her to go back because I want more for her than what she will have without it and honestly it will limit the type of guy she can meet here if she is seen as an uneducated waitress not trying to sound snotty but we are an hour from NYC and it is just reality, but I do not see her going back because besides trying the dental hygiene class as a certification thing not a college program she has never once mentioned wanting it.

Either way we will see but at least right now she sounds like she is doing better.

Phantomgirl

This is a good news story!

It says a lot that she new when things were tough that you would be there for her.  Your DH may have put his foot down 4.5 years ago BUT it was done in the right way and this is the result.

I am happy for you to Jen as if you can build a relationship wit her now it will help ease any anxiety you will have in the future about her relationship with the kids.

Karma1969

I hope things will start to finally change. Good luck x1000!

riabiron

That is awesome to hear! good for you!