Long time no see-longish

magdalina.h

Hey ladies I have a couple of questions for you guys. I started a book donation in Aidan's memory (Aidan's Book Corner) and I take a cart full of new books around the NICU for families to keep. People frequently ask how Aidan is or how old he is. We don't want to scare any families so we don't say anything about his passing. So when I get those questions I say 2 1/2 almost 3 because that's how old he would be. I don't say he is or he would be, just almost 3. I stumble a little when they ask how he is, but I always answer with fine or good.We have stickers/book mark in/on the book where they can go to the FB page to get more information and on there it says In Memory.

I worried about the families finding out at a later date that he didn't survive and them feeling bad, but I also don't want them to lose hope. So my question is, how should I handle this? My emotional state is fine with answering that he's fine. It's not hard on me ( well it was on Christmas) and I find a lot of joy in doing this, but I just worry about the families.

magdalina.h

Most of the families just stick with how old is he, but I had one mom give me details of her baby's birth and age and then ask about Aidan's. I felt awful for lying to her.

I always include Aidan in on the number of kids we have. I talk about him often and very openly. I just want to protect families. :-)

Thanks Boston!

Mrs. Alice

CurlingRocks:

I guess, I'd rather have the truth, personally.  I'd be upset (sad, not angry) if I found out you lied to me to spare my feelings.

I agree with CR. I totally understand why you say that because we all know how terrifying having a preemie is and not wanting to scare parents even further then they already are.  However I do think that most aren't blind to the fact that some babies do not survive.  Maybe if you comfortable you could say "he'll be celebrating his 3rd birthday in heaven" or something like that.  I think you are wonderful for doing what you do either way.

Pips09

I think what you are doing is wonderful.

I agree that I would go with the truth here. When you are introducing yourself and the program, you could say it's in his memory, or divulge that after you are asked about him if that is what is more comfortable for you. Congrats on your new pregnancy, too!

jbranden12

New preemie mom here, but I think I would want the truth. Maybe I say that as a stillbirth mom, though. Also, congrats on your ticker!

sdtchica13

Hi mama, congrats on the new ticker! I agree with everyone else, I would want to know the truth. 

I will say that Corri arrived about a month after Aidan, and even though reading your updates broke my heart, they also prepared me in a way for anything that could potentially happen in the NICU, and I was grateful for it.