December 2010 Moms

If (when) LO gets out of toddler bed

The transition isn't going well.

If LO gets out of bed and plays, do you just let them be or do you go in there and put them back in bed?

I am so frustrated over these sleep issues I am literally in tears. I feel like such a failure that I can't get my child to go to sleep. It's been 2 years and I am still hopeless at this. Sorry to sound dramatic, but it is truly upsetting me that we have months on end of sleep issues and I just can't seem to fix anything.

And I can't do CIO again. I just can't.

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Re: If (when) LO gets out of toddler bed

  • When we transitioned there was nothing in his room to play with. All toys except his FP seahorse got moved to the playroom and he got to keep 2 books in his room we'd read right before sleep. After his books I would help him into bed say night night for bed or see you in a little but for naps give a kiss then out the door. This was similar to when he was in the crib so he knew we don't usually come back in. There are times he follows me to the door and once it's shut he either crawls back into bed or sits and reads for a bit and then goes to sleep. I usually watch him like a hawk on the video monitor to make sure he doesn't mess with his humidifier but luckily he has left it be. I have seen him jump on his bed, run in and out of the closet, talk to thin air, play peekaboo with his curtain as he looks outside, lock us out. But it gets boring after a bit with no parent shock value. His dresser has moved out of his room and into J's since his bed has drawers underneath it and had all baby clothes anyways.
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  • imageenjoylife:
    When we transitioned there was nothing in his room to play with. All toys except his FP seahorse got moved to the playroom and he got to keep 2 books in his room we'd read right before sleep. After his books I would help him into bed say night night for bed or see you in a little but for naps give a kiss then out the door. This was similar to when he was in the crib so he knew we don't usually come back in. There are times he follows me to the door and once it's shut he either crawls back into bed or sits and reads for a bit and then goes to sleep. I usually watch him like a hawk on the video monitor to make sure he doesn't mess with his humidifier but luckily he has left it be. I have seen him jump on his bed, run in and out of the closet, talk to thin air, play peekaboo with his curtain as he looks outside, lock us out. But it gets boring after a bit with no parent shock value. His dresser has moved out of his room and into J's since his bed has drawers underneath it and had all baby clothes anyways.

    Thanks! There is only 1 thing in there to play with but it's coming out tomorrow. Part of the problem is that LO had sleep issues before we moved to the big girl bed, so we were hoping to fix them all at once but now I feel even more hopeless.

    We tried the "walk them to bed without saying a word" but nobody told me they would eventually start screaming and crying hysterically with this method. I seriously feel like I have sleep training PTSD so I can't deal with the crying for more than about 10 minutes max.

    We just did it again tonight and it took us 40 times of walking her to bed and luckily she only cried for about my 10 minute limit before she just sat in bed and eventually laid down. We are going to do the same thing again tomorrow night, but if she cries for longer I know I will cave in!

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  • Oh forgot to add...I'm sorry it has been such a struggle. We used a CIO method when he was younger and it's worked ok with a few regressions here and there, but I don't know how effective it would be in stubborn toddlerdum seeing as how I'm stuck in tantrum hell somedays. These toddlers have impressive stamina.

    Would one of those toddler clocks work for your LO though? Or something similar?
    Good luck!
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  • imageenjoylife:
    Oh forgot to add...I'm sorry it has been such a struggle. We used a CIO method when he was younger and it's worked ok with a few regressions here and there, but I don't know how effective it would be in stubborn toddlerdum seeing as how I'm stuck in tantrum hell somedays. These toddlers have impressive stamina. Would one of those toddler clocks work for your LO though? Or something similar? Good luck!

    AMEN they do!! She is really giving me a run for my money. I think that a clock would work for her when she's just a bit older. Some people have suggested a sleep sticker reward system but she seriously would be like "screw the sticker, mom!" (okay I am just imagining what she is thinking here). :)

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  • Does she have a nightlight or the FP seahorse? They are the age to start having fears so if you are having night time difficulties that might help. I prefer seahorse since its a toy and not plugged into the wall. We have seen A try to read a book by the glow a few times. For nap we have had a handful of times he just boycotted and read the whole time we just moved bedtime up that day.
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  • We would treat it like CIO and give him a few minutes, then put him back in bed. If he gets up and plays, we give him more time before putting him back in bed, but he usually figures it out that he's tired.

    I'm sorry the transition isn't going well. At this age, I see CIO like a tantrum. Handle it like you'd handle a meltdown at dinner. Calm voice, repeating what you want them to do. Its tough, but it'll be okay! Good luck!

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  • Yeah A is too young for clock right now too and he is like your LO in regards to sticker rewards. We tried sticker rewards for potty training over thanksgiving and that was a big fat fail and we totally had a bad enough setback I just bought larger cloth diapers instead of struggling with him. Such power struggles they can give!
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  • imageenjoylife:
    Does she have a nightlight or the FP seahorse? They are the age to start having fears so if you are having night time difficulties that might help. I prefer seahorse since its a toy and not plugged into the wall. We have seen A try to read a book by the glow a few times. For nap we have had a handful of times he just boycotted and read the whole time we just moved bedtime up that day.

    She has a night light and I really don't think she's scared of the dark because she gets up and closes the door (which makes it even darker in there) when she wants to play. Like I said, the one toy in there is getting moved tomorrow!

    Part of the problem is that DH hasn't been very supportive of the consistent method of putting her back to sleep even though I honestlly believe that's all that's going to work here. I need him on board - otherwise I give in after she's crying for a while when really I logically know that she's not hurting or in pain or traumatized, she's just basically throwing a tantrum!

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  • All I know is at this exact moment in time it is 10:07 and my child is crawling across the living floor in front of me, out of his bed, because he thinks if he crawls, I won't see him.  Some nights go better than others.  We've already had a screaming (him) showdown tonight that involved me locking him into his room to cry.  I don't know the answer, but if you figure it out, please clue me in too!  For now, I refuse to speak to him and am going to pretend I really can't see that he's out of bed AGAIN. :)

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  • imagepitterpatter129:

    All I know is at this exact moment in time it is 10:07 and my child is crawling across the living floor in front of me, out of his bed, because he thinks if he crawls, I won't see him.  

    LOL!

    PGA, I'm sorry you're still having sleep issues :( Unfortunately I don't have advice because for us the nighttime transition went smoothly. We still haven't figured out naps though. I usually lock her in her room during nap time, but it rarely works. Most of the time she whines and knocks on the door for an hour before I give up and let her out.  

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  • Sorry you're having a rough transition. I agree with everything PP have said. The only things I could add are that we didn't take toys out of Evans room. He tried playing with them once and each time I went down and saw him playing I removes that one toy. That repeated about 4 times that night and he hasn't tried again. I don't know if seeing that playing got them taken away helped but it seemed to. Also, do you have a solid bedtime routine? We also end with reading books in Evans bed. That way all we have to do is lay down when we're done!
  • I have no advice to add since we're still in a crib, just sympathy.  Since our move and xmas my wonderful sleeper has turned into a screaming nightmare. (So glad she's in her crib because if she could get out of bed it'd be over.  Lately DH has been negotiating bed time with her.  i.e. "Daddy sings 1 more song then Evie goes night-night."  This works for him but not me.  For me she just screams. 

     Yesterday morning when I went to wake her up she had striped her shirt off and thrown it to the floor in protest.

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  • Oh crap, I'm terrified of this!  Big hug coming to you.  I've commiserated with your sleep posts over the past umpteen months because G's had similar sleep issues.  We are FINALLY in a place where the go-to-sleep routine is going fairly smoothly, and I think I might lose my sh!t when it goes to sh!t.  Somebody hold me. 

     

     

  • Ava's still in the crib but I just wanted to add my two cents that I'm so sorry you're still dealing with this PGA! Hang in there- she will get better at it and consistency (with anything to do with toddlers) is key. 
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  • I'm sorry!  We haven't transitioned yet, but I wanted to offer my hugs.
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  • We have also had sleep issues all along that I battled with Extinction Method!  Yes, that worked well in the crib....but its a whole new ball game now.  I think persistent, super active toddlers have to be treated differently.  I have been transitioning for a month and I feel your frustration.  I have tried laying with him until he falls asleep (worked at first then ended in a 3 hour bedtime routine and multiple wake ups).  I have tried sitting in a chair on the other side of the room until he feel asleep (worked at first...but then he ended up sitting up to look at me).  I tired the silent returns like super nanny suggests.  However, this has been the WORST.  He will come out of his room for HOURS SCREAMING each time.  Again bedtime was taking 3 hours.  I have tried various methods and here is what is working (ish) for us now.

    I make sure to do some tiring activity with LO after work.  I load him up on food and milk all evening.  We unwind for about 30 minutes before his bath.  On the way up to his bath we say good night to everything important.  I let him take a long warm bath.  Lotion.  Motrin (ah, yep!).  I let him pick out his jammies from 2 choices.  I ask him to pick a book to read.  While he is doing this, I fill up the humidifier, turn the lights off (except for a small lamp.)  I lay out my mommy bed on the floor (quilt and pillow).  Then, we sit in a chair to read a book, say a prayer, sing a song and snuggle.  I lay him down, tell him I love him.  He cries.  I tell him mommy will be on her mommy bed until he falls asleep.  It takes about one hour for him to fall asleep (hey better than 3).  Then sneak out.  When he wakes in the night, I take him back to his room and lay on my mommy bed until he falls asleep.  This was horrible at first, but is very gradually getting better.  I have also learned that he falls asleep easier at 9:00pm than any other time so I aim to lay him down by 8:15 at the latest.       

     

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  • I took everything hard or dangerous out of his room, but left a few soft toys and some books.  Sometimes he gets out of bed and plays with them, but I just watch him do it on the monitor. He eventually gets tired and crawls back into bed.  We close the door so we don't have to put him back in bed...he is in his room for the night, no matter whether he is dancing or sleeping in there!

     

    But sometimes he gets up at 4 am crying.  We used to take him into bed with us since he just transitioned to the toddler bed. But now we go in and hug him and say "Bedtime" and put him back in the bed.  The door closes again until at least 6 am, and he usually goes back to sleep after 5 mins of tears.

    I say if she is quietly playing, then let her do it.  She will either sleep on the floor or crawl back into bed.  

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  • I was in your situation with DD. She has always been a horrible sleeper. At 8 I can say she sleeps better, but it took 7 years and a lot of acceptance on my part to get there.

    When she was 2.5 we tried transitioning her to a toddler bed. It was a week of pure HELL. She was up so often, we were all tired, cranky, sleep-deprived. In a night of desperation I reassembled the crib and she slept there until she was 3y2m. When she was 3y2m her transition to a bed was a dream.

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  • Thanks everyone - I think sometimes I just get it in my head that everyone else has a toddler that goes right to bed and as strange as it sounds I am so glad I am not the only one dealing with this! (Just like my tantrum post the other day!).

    I am going to keep up with the "super nanny" routine tonight and pray that it works again!

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