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Working Moms
WWYD re commute versus better schools?
We are hoping to buy a house this year and live in a very HCOL area. Homes that are close to work have schools with crap ratings. The better schools near homes we could afford would be about an hour commute each way for me and DH. I will be eligible to WFH one day per week in about 6 months so would cut out one day of commuting, DH would still have to do 5 days per week. I don't know if we can afford private school if we stay close to work. It seems like a no brainer that we will have to suck up the commute but I am dreading it. WWYD?
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Re: WWYD re commute versus better schools?
Can you do a little more research about the schools that are closer to work? Coming from someone that went to a highly ranked school, I felt that the environment was a little overly competitive and kind of snobby/cliquish. I think if schools are safe, have a reasonable teacher ratio, and an active PTA, etc., I wouldn't worry so much about test scores. On the other hand, if the schools really aren't safe or are over-crowded, I can see that being a deal breaker.
I think if you have at least an average school and involved and motivated parents, kids will do well, and it will be a lot easier for you and DH to be involved if you aren't commuting 2hrs a day and are able to drop into school for activities and events.
That said, if the schools near your offices are truly terrible, it might be worth it to suck it up and commute. It will have the downside of needing extra time in before school/after school care, extra time to get to kids in an emergency, and make it more difficult to get to school for parent/teach conferences and special events without using up vacation time.
Both of you commuting an hour each way does stink... esp if there is a chance that traffic makes it even worse. Keep in mind what time DC might close in the interim also- I commute 30-40 min and my DC closes at 6 and if there is an accident or any kind of backup I am frequently panicked about getting them in time (though I guess you could continue to do DC close to work, just have LO in the car a long time).
I agree that maybe finding schools that are acceptable but not the best might be good... esp for elementary school- IMO middle & high are more important in terms of those ratings- is there any chance by that time you'd be working elsewhere and might be able to move again or are you looking for a forever house? Just thinking down the road if there is any option of moving again in the future or changing jobs...GL!
I just think it would be better to be closer to your jobs than the school district- I mean how bad are the schools near your work? Also, long commutes = more stress, increase gas prices, wear and tear on your car, and more than anything take away your time with your family and husband.
plus are the elementary schools getting "crap" ratings too? If its not in a bad area- i.e. high crime and so forth, then maybe the ratings will improve by the time your child reaches junior and high school.
Just things I would consider
As PPs said, check out more details of the "bad" schools. Yes, they may suck. OR they may be performing low for another reason. In my county, resources are scarce so a great deal of the special education students are sent to one school- if the same is true where you are, and the school near your work has a higher percentage of special education students, then of course their scores will likely be lower. Not because the teachers don't teach but because of the student population. Just one example.
I would never move somewhere where I AND DH have to commute an hour each way. Once you add up cost of gas, car maintained, and wear and tear, private school is probably not the huge of a cost.
As someone who used to commute an hour each way to a job I really loved, but has since moved to a job I love equally as much but is 10 minutes from home, I can tell you that I would NEVER commute such a distance again.
Our quality of life now is so much better than it used to be. DD and I have several hours together every night and I am a million times more relaxed and happy.
I would absolutely look more into the schools closer to where you currently live. I know schools are a big deal, but to commute an hour each way could seriously affect yours and your DH's quality of life immensely.
We are closing on a new house this month and we chose a home in a good school district with a bit longer commute. DH is already commuting an hour from our current home and will about the same. I will have a longer commute, changing from 15 minutes to about 40 minutes. We wanted to live in the nicer neighborhood with the top rated schools. I teach at the not-so-top-rated schools in the neighboring city and told him no matter what, we weren't buying a house in that particular school district. I'm not saying that all low performing schools are absolutely terrible or are full of terrible teachers, but there's a reason they've been labeled as such.
When we were house shopping, we refused to consider schools as a factor... I think it can get really messy. I am a school teacher and I know that whats "on paper" for schools isn't always indicative of the experience your children will have there. I wanted to live in a safe community with lots of opportunities for kids to play, etc, and when we found our house - the school thing turned out fine.
I work in a school district that might not look great on paper, but I can tell you that my classroom and the building is a warm, inviting, academically challenging environment.
My advice would be to go check out the neighborhood school for yourself - ask if you can have a tour (they should say yes - if not, red flag). Then, see how you feel. That being said, I've had a long commute before, and I absolutely couldn't deal with it. If you can handle a commute better than I could, you may consider.
Good luck! tough decisions, right?!
We were just dealing with this situation too. We chose to buy a house in the better school district. My husband travels for work so his commute could be anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour and a half. My commute will be about 45 minutes. For us, it was worth it to be in the better school district. The one we're in now is terrible. We live in a great community but our state is huge on busing. The elementary school that our children would go to is in the closest city - about a 30 minute bus ride from the house we're currently in. It also helps that my ILs live very close to the new house so they can help when we need them.
I agree with PPs though. Have you looked into the schools with the bad testing scores? Do they have any redeeming qualities? Are there any private schools around you that you might be able to work with? There are a TON of private schools around here and, while some of them cost an arm and a leg and then some, some of them are very affordable.
Good luck on your decision!
I agree with this. Schools are rated on tests scores of reading and math, which is definitely not the whole picture of what the school is really like. Take a tour of them before you decide. And a long commute for both of you might be a giant PITA after awhile.
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
This is the craziest thing I have ever heard. People w log commutes are more likely to get divorced? I would love to know where that statistic came from.
I commute and it's fine bc I spend the time on books on tape and it's "me " time. I have lived in a place w bad schools, and a 10 min commute, and now live in a place w top 10 schools and a 45 min to an hr commute. To me, schools win out. I don't really mind the commute and am so happy not to have the added expense of private school. Good luck w your decision!
Probably from here: https://abcnews.go.com/Health/w_RelationshipNews/relationships-long-commutes-toll-marriage/story?id=13719087#.UO3BtORlHK0
I would always say to pick a home where you want to live, not where you work. Job situations can change at any moment but your home location won't. DH and I work together and our office is about 30 miles from our house but in traffic it is every bit of 45 minutes to an hour each way. And we don't ride together, that would make too much sense because DD's school is 7-6, so in order to drop off/pick up and still get to work we have to alternate. There are a lot of areas in the metroplex that I live in that the schools suck, which usually mean the area surrounding isn't that great either. DD is almost 4 and we've had the same commute the entire time, granted she's still in a Montessori and has yet to go into a public school, I picked our house location four years ago based on us living in a good school district. You get used to it- I listen to books on tape... Also, ask your boss if you can work alternate hours, like 7-4 instead of 8-5, maybe getting ahead of traffic by a bit will decrease your commute time?
Good luck!
That is an interesting link...I'm totally not surprised, for all the reasons in there. I could see a lot of frustration & resentment building up, particularly if it is a situation where the long commute(s) are a new thing and not something predating the marriage or kids. When MH & I first lived together, we lived in NYC and he commuted out to NJ through the Lincoln Tunnel every day..it was a reverse commute but still 1- 1 1/2 hrs and dealing w/ the traffic adds another element of stress compared to just purely driving on a highway w/ not much traffic for an hour. When he came home to our very small apt, he beelined for the bathroom & would soak in the tub to unwind...at first it was really stressful for me b/c I was like WTH why doesnt he want to hang out w/ me when he gets home, it's late, we've been at work all day, etc but I finally came to realize he really needed that time to just veg out and be mindless. I have commuted longer than him for the last 7 years but not significant- 30-40 min vs his 10 min, but recently I have become 80% responsible for drop off & pickup b/c he works longer hours than me, often has to go in earlier & always has to work later & I admit that I have some resentment about that some days when I have run out of my office even though I'd like to wrap up some things b/c I have to get the kids by 6 and if there is an accident or problem on the way home I could be totally stuck (he would obviously get them if that happened but I still try my best to not have to do that)....
Anyway long story short I think there is a lot of value to considering effects on your relationship w/ your H as well as your child. GL!
This is how I feel as well. We bought a house in an area with a great school district. All of our friends thought we were crazy because houses just a few towns over were 1/2 the price.... Well they are having/had kids since buying their houses (in the other neighborhoods), and with the market they aren't sure if they will be able to sell in time to get to a "good" school district before their kids start school, and none of them planned on shelling out money for private schools.
I do agree with others to check out the actual schools. I grew up in this area so I actually know what the school are like.
I just want to add, you never know what opportunities will arise. You can buy a house near your work now, but find something else a few years down the road and end up with an hour commute. I don't advocate for long commutes, but relocating your job is generally easier than relocating your house.