Naming after a deceased relative

alli07

I am about to name my baby boy and am going back and forth about his name.  I always thought I would name my son after my brother who died when I was a child. I really like the name, my husband is on board, but... my brother died by suicide.  I just don't know first of all if it'll be strange to use the name again, and also if people who know my family will think it is insensitive or morbid.  The circumstances of his death are just more complicated than if it was a physical illness or an accident.  I'm just curious what other people would think if they knew someone that named their child in this situation.  The alternative is to use the name as a middle name, which I am fine with.  The name choices are:

Stephen Reid or

Reid Stephen 

Thanks for your opinions! 

plunderb

You have to decide what feels right to you. But I don't think it's morbid and I don't think there's any need for other people to know. If anyone asks about the name, you can say, "He's named after my deceased brother." That's plenty.

But really, do what feels right to you and don't worry about other people being judgmental. I really think most people would be sympathetic if they knew (and there's no reason for them to know unless you want them to).

danuli8

Stephen is a beautiful name. I think it's up to you and your family to decide if you want it as a first or middle name (I admit I like it better than Reid, so I would vote for first name). I also have a brother who died when I was a teenager (accident, not suicide) and I considered using his name, but my DH and his family are German and they wouldn't be able to pronounce my brother's name very easily. I ended up picking a name that is easy to spell and pronounce in both languages. The baby's middle name is in memory of my DH's father who died when my DH was 9.

Blondangel

plunderb:

You have to decide what feels right to you. But I don't think it's morbid and I don't think there's any need for other people to know. If anyone asks about the name, you can say, "He's named after my deceased brother." That's plenty.

But really, do what feels right to you and don't worry about other people being judgmental. I really think most people would be sympathetic if they knew (and there's no reason for them to know unless you want them to).

This.

If you're worried about close family, like other siblings or your parents, you can always ask them their feelings about it. It's ultimately your decision and if the reason for his death doesn't bother you, then you should use it. 

The middle name position would be the safest option if you're still worried about a negative reaction from your family.

Stephen and Reid are both nice names. It flows best with Stephen in the fn position if that matters at all to you. 

MichelleM1224

Idani:

I don't think it's morbid to use BUT I personally prefer it in the middle.  give your son his own name and honor your brother in the middle

I agree with this. You should def do what feels right to you though.

kayjay10

plunderb:

You have to decide what feels right to you. But I don't think it's morbid and I don't think there's any need for other people to know. If anyone asks about the name, you can say, "He's named after my deceased brother." That's plenty.

But really, do what feels right to you and don't worry about other people being judgmental. I really think most people would be sympathetic if they knew (and there's no reason for them to know unless you want them to).

All of this.  Regardless of how the situation ended, if your brother meant a lot to you, then that's all that matters and I love that you are naming your son after him.  It's really no one else's business anyway.

GWUAlum

Stephen Reid flows better. Like PP said naming for the good in the person. Sorry for your loss.

kjwjwm

My brother also died from suicide. We used his name as a middle name. My mother told me after she was happy we used it in the middle because it would have been difficult to call him by my brother's first name. I wanted my son to have his own first name too. I'm very happy with it. Good luck!

carries1030

It's a great way to remember them...I don't think it's terrible at all! In fact, my brother's middle name is Glenn...he was named after my Uncle Glenn who I never knew...he committed suicide before I was ever born. And everyone seems to think it's a great was to honor him. 

julybaby9

I am so so sorry for your loss. I don't think it's morbid at all. He is your brother and should be not be forgotten and this is a great way to keep his memory alive. My brother was murdered (maybe just as awkward to bring up if someone asks) and my other brother named his son after him. like others said, your son can say if asked, 'I am named after my late uncle.'

RissNRuss

How nice to name the baby after your brother! In my faith, we only name after deceased relatives (no one living), and it's a great honor. I might talk to your parents, but I would bet they would be flattered that you would use the name to honor him. Regardless of situations in which a person passes, they were someone loved and cared for.

My mother named me after her grandfathers and uncle (and yet my name is completely female!). She used the first initials of the men she wanted to honor. If you were nervous about the specific name, you could always use the name's meaning and find another name with the same meaning. 

Pearls+Oysters

As others have pointed, you are honoring the memory of your brother, not the memory of his death. I would also use his name as a middle name: let your child have his own name, his own history. And definitely talk to your parents/siblings about it. In the end, you're honoring a loved one, but you also don't want to tie your child's life to his. 

alli07

Thanks everyone!  I still don't know what I want, but it helps to know that most people wouldn't judge me for it. You've all made good points, and I really appreciate it:)

kali55

Idani:

I don't think it's morbid to use BUT I personally prefer it in the middle.  give your son his own name and honor your brother in the middle

ITA