Compensating a parent for watching LO?

Mshaw1123

So we're lucky enough to be having one of my parents watching LO when I go back to work---my Dad is retired and my mom works part time. We haven't hashed out all the details yet, but I was wondering if anyone is compensating a parent for watching their LO. I think it's only right, but I'm not sure if they will even take money from us. Another idea I was thinking, is "paying" them with gift cards to go out to eat, manicures (for my mom), groceries or Home Depot cards to take care of some things around their house. Thoughts?

jd614

My mother in law is going to be watching the baby 2 days a week and we are going to be paying her but havent figured out how much yet.  They live abt 2 hours away from us and she will be coming Sunday night-babysitting Mon/Tues and leaving either Tues night or Wed morning. So we are definitely getting her a gas card. But not sure about what we will pay her per day for watching the baby-we need to sit and talk with her about it. It will prob be minimal-she doesnt want to take money from us but shes not working full time in order to help us out and I think its only right that we pay her...

Puck1182

We're in the same boat - both my parents are retired, and my mom offered to watch LO for 3 days/week, and I highly doubt she'll accept monetary compensation, she's basically just pumped to be a grandma and wants to help us out, but also doesn't want to be full-time childcare, hence the 3-days/week.  (Although the difficult part will be the fact that after I go back to work full-time this July we'll actually only need to find additional childcare for one day/week since I work M-F and DH works S-Th, so we might have to just hire a babysitter for that extra day, since I doubt a center would take a baby for one day/week!)  Anyway, I like your idea of gift cards, I might have to steal that one myself.

jhutt321

I wouldn't want my mom to watch my DD but thought about it after she was out of work again. I told her I would only pay her what I pay for daycare, which is $35/day and she was like "that's it?". Obviously it's not as much as a full time job but she's not watching 6 kids @ $35/day each. Sometimes I pay her to watch DD when daycare is closed so I think that's fair. Give them what you think is fair. If they refuse payment, I think an occasional GC is a nice gesture. The groceries is a great idea since your LO will be eating some of their food later.

Whales124

We are in the same boat and I'm curious to see the answers. I have this feeling that I don't want to be taking advantage. My mom is doing 3 days and my MIL is doing two. The gift cards are a good idea to start! We usually go on vacation with my parents in the summer, so I was also thinking we'd pay for the house or hotel instead of splitting. My inlaws are the hard ones.

Also, we are paying for a cell phone for my parents, but that is more of a selfish gift. They could care less if they had one, but with my high risk pg and LO coming, we felt better about it. Now if only I could get them to actually carry it....

Mshaw1123

I feel like the gift cards are money money---if that makes sense???? But still shows that we appricate the help and will make me feel better that we can treat my parents with a little something. It's not going to make up for the time that they are giving LO, but it's just a little something.

MRSVELA07

I'm in a similar situation as you. My mom is retired meanwhile my MIL is not working due to her disability. My mom will watch our child when hubby and I go back to work with out any question or concern and we plan to give her money. However I know my mom, she'll give that money back to us or our son by taking him on vacations, outings while she watches him, food, etc. My MIL flat out told us since she's not working we'll need to pay her what what she would make if she was working. I truly understand times are hard and I can pay an arm and a leg for daycare but this is your grandchild. I figured we can work numbers out TOGETHER!!

If I were you I would sit down with your husband and talk over what you can afford to pay both set of parents every week/month then talk it over with your parents.

It can be a sticky situation but it's this or daycare...you choose.

We'll probably looking at $300-400 per month for both parents.

  

Heartstrings13

I wish I had the option of having a parent watch the baby.  I'd feel more comfortable than a daycare, but alas...

If I were in your situation and you feel comfortable trying to give them money, I would try that first.  If they don't take it, I would start giving them gift cards.  Even just small ones as a thank you to start and then occasionally try to pay them something more.  If they refuse money, it's great for you, but the gift cards show them that you truly appreciate what they are doing.

colinsfebmommy

My sister is watching ours 2 days a week. If she didn't I would have to pay someone, and she needs the money so I told her if I am dishing out the money I would rather she have it. So I am giving her $100 week.

ggatlanta

A gift is something over which I have no control; a purchase is something I choose to make. That's how I'd look at it.

What I mean is that I would not feel comfortable telling someone how to care for my child unless I was paying her in some way. If I accepted childcare as a gift, I'd have to be willing to be flexible enough to let the caregiver set the schedule, control the food choices, etc. If I completely trusted this family member, that'd be no problem. But if I had strong opinions on the structure of LO's schedule or care, or if I felt I couldn't completely rely on the caregiver to be available as needed, I'd insist on paying. That way, if there was a difference of opinion, I'd have a voice as an employer, and not just as the recipient of a (very expensive) gift.

I'd think through every scenario: what would happen if the caregiver was sick, if LO was sick, if we had a difference of opinion on schedules, on discipline, on activities, on books or TV choices... If I was sure I could negotiate those obstacles, accepting that gift would be a great way to save a ton of money. If not, I'd consider some form of payment a small investment in protecting my sanity and my relationship with that person.

BunnyBuni

My mother will be watching the baby about 10-15 hours a week while I adjunct to supplement my online scoring job. She won't accept money because she considers it grandson time, so we'll be paying her electric bill since we'll be using her washer/dryer for the baby's clothes and diapers as well as bring her dinner when we pick him up after work.

AimnJus917

My MIL has been watching DS every Monday and every other Friday since I went back to work in Jan 2011. We do not pay her and I don't think she would ever take the $ since she loves being a grandma and adores DS. She agreed to watch LO on this same schedule for us too and DH and I talked about paying her but doubt she would take it even though it's another kid to watch. Honestly my in-laws would never take $ from us and really the whole point of MIL watching our kids is to save us money and spend time with them. It's only about 6 days a month so not a ton. DS goes to DC 3 days/week and then DH watches him on the Fridays that he's off work. We do try to take in-laws out for dinner occasionally and I always send her wipes (we use cloth dipes which I send of course) and I sent baby food when he was still eating the jarred stuff. 

I know some people that have their parents or in-laws watch their kid(s) several days a week for free. I guess it depends on your relationship with them / financial situations (yours and theirs) and your/their comfort level with compensation.

abp51008

My inlaws watch DS1 and will watch this LO when I return to work. We don't pay them anything and they wouldn't accept any form of payment if we tried. We do, however, give them very generous gifts throughout the year (gift cards to restaurants, nights at the beach, etc) and at birthdays and Christmas as well.

wifeofadam

My MIL was considering retiring from her job early to watch my kids for me.  I planned to pay her what I currently pay my sitter.

kleigh926

I'm going to offer to pay my mom to watch the baby while I work (part time). I don't know if she'll take it- she already told me she'd be happy if the only "payment" I gave her was some of my crock pot chili when I make it. But she will be cutting some of her work hours to watch my kid, so I really don't feel right not paying her anything. There's a possibility MIL and DH's grandma will also share some of the baby-sitting during work hours (especially in the summer, since MIL works at a school), and I'll do the same for them.

beanersmommy

My mom watches DD and another little one (the baby of a friend). When I spoke with my mom about compensation she just said, "oh, I was thinking like $100 per week." That is what we settled on. I know my friend pays more (more of a daycare going rate). Once this LO is born and with her (which won't be until May) I will need to speak with her about adjusting payment for two kiddos.

Jenilyn and Matthew

Mshaw1123:

So we're lucky enough to be having one of my parents watching LO when I go back to work---my Dad is retired and my mom works part time. We haven't hashed out all the details yet, but I was wondering if anyone is compensating a parent for watching their LO. I think it's only right, but I'm not sure if they will even take money from us. Another idea I was thinking, is "paying" them with gift cards to go out to eat, manicures (for my mom), groceries or Home Depot cards to take care of some things around their house. Thoughts?

We do this for my grandmother, and sometimes my parents, as they watch DD a lot. They would never take money, so we take them out to eat, and buy them some gift cards, etc to say thank you.